Hate Speech Says More About the Hater than the Hated

Hate Speech“You’re a baby!”

“I know you are, but what am I?”

“You’re stupid!”

“I know you are, but what am I?”

“You’re a jerk!”

“I know you are, but what am I?”

Not exactly an adult conversation. But there’s a certain wisdom in that old schoolyard comeback. Calling someone a baby is a babyish thing to do. Calling someone stupid is not the smartest thing to do. Calling someone a jerk is a jerky thing to do.

People who insult other people and call them names are saying more about themselves than they are about the ones they are attacking.

Hate speech is wrong, hurtful, immoral, and sometimes illegal—especially if it encourages violence against particular groups or individuals. People who engage in hate speech should stop it.

But if we step back and look at it from a coolly rational perspective, people who engage in insults and hate speech are giving us information about their own character.

Our words say who we are

Jesus said:

Either make the tree good, and its fruit good; or make the tree bad, and its fruit bad; for the tree is known by its fruit. You brood of vipers! How can you speak good things, when you are evil? For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks. The good person brings good things out of a good treasure, and the evil person brings evil things out of an evil treasure. I tell you, on the day of judgment you will have to give an account for every careless word you utter; for by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned. (Matthew 12:33–37)

Emanuel Swedenborg (1688–1772) affirmed this when he wrote:

Our inner self is present in everything we say, without our even realizing it. This is what allows angels to perceive the quality of our will from a single action of ours, and the quality of our thinking from a single thing we say—the “quality” meaning whether we are hellish or heavenly. As a result, they have complete knowledge of us. From our tone of voice they perceive the interests that drive our thinking; from a gesture of ours, or the form of one action, they perceive the love that resides in our will. They detect this no matter how good we are at presenting ourselves as a Christian and a moral citizen. (True Christianity #593:2)

In short, every word we say reflects our own inner character.

When people spew out insulting, hateful, and violent words, it has little to do with the individuals or groups they are attacking. Instead, it identifies the people speaking those words as insulting, hateful, and violent people. And for those willing to look deeper, it exposes the inner fears and weaknesses of such people.

Let’s look at some examples, and make a few observations along the way.

Racist and xenophobic speech

People who hurl racist and xenophobic words are racist and xenophobic people. This much is obvious.

Those words are hurtful to the groups they are attacking. Such speech can and does lead to violence against the people in those groups, not to mention supporting ongoing demeaning and racist behavior against them. Words do hurt. Damaging speech must be opposed and resisted.

Now let’s engage in some analysis of where those racist words come from.

For one thing, they come from an extended version of self-centeredness that loves only people like me. For more on this, see our article, “Black Lives Matter.” When we love only people who look like us, and who agree with us and support us, it is just a bigger version of loving ourselves. There is no virtue in that.

Evil carries fear and weakness with it

But racist speech also comes from an inner fear and weakness in the racist person.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying that racists and other bigots are just poor, downtrodden, fearful people who can’t help it and deserve our pity. That’s not it at all. No one has to be bigoted. Anyone can choose not to be bigoted, no matter what environment he or she grew up in.

Rather, when a person engages in evil words and actions, it expresses evil that has lodged in that person’s heart. This evil carries its own fear with it, together with a weakness of spirit and character.

People fear the things they do to others

The Golden Rule as spoken by Jesus is, “In everything, do to others what you would have them do to you” (Matthew 7:12). This is how people of good heart operate.

But people who have evil in their heart operate on a negative version of the Golden Rule, which goes something like this: “Whatever I do to other people, that’s what they’re going to do to me.” It’s the ancient law of retaliation: “an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth.”

Though there is racism in all parts of the world and among all peoples and nations, since I happen to be white, I will speak of white racism.

People of European ancestry, aka white people, have a long and sordid history of oppressing other races, especially black people. Today’s white racists are the descendants, both literally and figuratively, of that long line of racist and oppressive whites.

But that racism and oppression carries with it a great fear: What if we lose control? What if the people we have been oppressing rise up and gain the upper hand? What will happen to us then?

The racists’ great fear is that the people they have been oppressing all these centuries will now turn around and do the same thing to them. The white racists’ greatest fear is that they will become the oppressed slaves of Blacks, Asians, and other races that they themselves have oppressed.

And so, they fight desperately to maintain the upper hand, to be the people at the top of the heap. Because they think that whatever they have done to other people, those other people will do to them if they get the chance.

That is the fear and the weakness that always accompanies a heart that is captive to racism and bigotry.

Racists speech as information

When people shout racist epithets, and treat people of other races badly, they are giving us information about themselves. Yes, they are telling us that they are racists and bigots. But they are also telling us that they are very afraid of other races. They are terrified of the weakness and humiliation of being conquered and oppressed by the “others” that they have been conquering and oppressing for so long.

The irony is that most people of other races have little interest in conquering and oppressing white people. Rather, they simply want to enjoy the life that they see white people enjoying. They do not want superiority over Whites. They want equality with Whites. And quite often they want brotherhood and sisterhood with whites. At least, that has been our experience.

Anti-gay speech

People who hurl insults and abuse at gays, lesbians, and other non-straight people are insulting, abusive people. This much is obvious.

But they are giving us additional information about themselves as well. They are afraid of homosexuality, and of homosexuals. Hence the term commonly used to describe their attitude: “homophobia.”

People who are secure in their own sexuality and sexual orientation are not threatened by others who have a different sexuality or sexual orientation. For an example, see: “Hugh Jackman Battles . . . Gossip?

It is people who are not secure in their own sexuality who have internal problems when faced with gays, lesbians, and homosexuality in general. It has happened far too often to be a coincidence that the public figures who shout the loudest against same-sex marriage are caught frequenting a gay bar or using the services of a same-sex prostitute. People who are struggling with their own sexuality are the most likely to take a strident stance against homosexuality and same-sex marriage.


Because they are afraid that they themselves might be homosexual, or might become homosexual if gays and lesbians are accepted for who they are. These are the same people who commonly believe that being gay is a “lifestyle” and a choice. And they are terrified that they themselves, or people they love, such as their children, may make that “choice” and start living that “lifestyle.”

And so, with their anti-gay speech, they are giving us the information that not only are they bigoted, but they are also personally afraid of homosexuality because they are not secure in their own sexuality.

Sexist speech

Men who spew sexist speech against women are giving us the information that they are sexist. This much is obvious.

But they are also giving us the information that they are afraid of the growing power of women.

For many ages, gender inequality has been a matter of men enjoying power over women. Today, the men who are the literal and figurative descendants of that long line of men who held power over women are terribly afraid that women will now gain the upper hand, and will oppress men just as men have oppressed women in the past. Hence the virulent anti-female speech and attitudes of so many men in the red pill movement. See: The Red Pill Movement (MRA): Men Waking Up as Victims

As with racism, the irony is that most women, including most feminist women, have little interest in having power over men and making men into their servants. Rather, they want equality with men. They want all the rights and all the access to the positions and perks of society that men have enjoyed for so long.

But the evil of sexism in a man’s heart leaves him convinced that if women ever gain the same power that men have always had, they will oppress men just as men have oppressed women in the past. Such men are terrified of the weakness and humiliation of being in such a position. They are terrified that women will do the same thing to them that they have done to women in the past.

As with other evils, the evil of sexism carries its own fear and weakness with it.

And its own punishment.

Perhaps the greatest punishment is that such men will never know the joy and satisfaction of a true partnership with a woman—otherwise known as a spiritual marriage. Only when a man and a woman are equals can they enjoy the greatest, deepest, and most fulfilling relationship possible between two people. (Of course, the same goes for a same-sex marriage.) For more on this, please see: What Do Women Really Want?

Dealing with hate speech—internally

Socially and politically, the battle against hate speech must be engaged. Haters cannot be allowed to hate unopposed. Especially not when it leads to violence. But internally, in our mind and heart, there is an alternative to the common polarity of seeing oppressors and victims. It involves recognizing the inner reality behind hate speech.

Hate speech isn’t really about the people and groups it is directed against. It is about the internal state of the people engaging in hate speech. Hate speech identifies the particular type of evil that has taken hold in the hearts of the people engaging it. It also identifies the particular fears and weaknesses that inevitably accompany that type of evil.

When we realize this, we can approach haters differently.

First, if we are the object of their hate, we can recognize that there’s no need to take their words personally, and get offended. Their hateful words are not about us. No, their words are expressing the hateful and fearful state of their own heart.

Does this mean we should just let them go on spewing hate?

Not at all.

But once we realize that it’s all about the haters, not about their targets, we can approach our opposition to hatred and violence in a different spirit. If we hate the haters, and oppose them from a position of hate, how are we any different from them? This only exposes the hatred in our own hearts.

Reaching out to haters

In approaching haters, our greatest hope and effort should be that they may find their way out of the darkness that has enveloped their heart and mind. Accomplishing this will not be easy. At some point, they will have to make a decision to change what is in their heart. Many of them will never do this. But we still have to make the effort to reach them.

The spearhead of that effort is to show them that reconciliation is greater than retribution, and that their fears of retribution are misplaced. Sometimes oppressed people do seek revenge upon those who have oppressed them. But the world is moving beyond that. Most oppressed people today simply want to be recognized and respected as equally human and valuable in society. They want to be valued for who they are. And they want equal access to all of the privileges and benefits that the ruling group has enjoyed all along.

More often than not, we will not be able to get through to the haters with this message of reconciliation. Even then, we must continually point out the error of their hateful messages, and protect others from any violence and harm that those messages may incite.

Meanwhile, Jesus’ words still have just as much force as ever:

You have heard that it was said, “Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.” But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect. (Matthew 5:43–48)

For further reading:


Lee Woofenden is an ordained minister, writer, editor, translator, and teacher. He enjoys taking spiritual insights from the Bible and the writings of Emanuel Swedenborg and putting them into plain English as guides for everyday life.

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4 comments on “Hate Speech Says More About the Hater than the Hated
  1. Maia Armstrong says:

    It is just so sad to see all of the hatred that continues to circulate our climate. I am sure it breaks God’s heart, too. We should love one another, even our enemies and “outsiders”, just as God loved us. I just cannot stand it when people tear down each other and throw in hateful remarks and condescending rebukes at each other for their amusement.
    Last year at school, our emails were hacked with hateful and racist messages. Someone allegedly hacked into a teacher’s account, and the messages were transferred to the system. In response to the incident, I, along with some of my friends, sent out encouraging letters to students and teachers across the school once the system was cleaned out.
    Two passages of Scripture that are commonly used to spread hatred against others (particularly Judeo-Christians) is John 8:44 and Revelations 2:9. I recently composed an essay about the real meaning behind Revelations 2:9, in reference to the “synagogue of Satan”, a common passage used to degrade Jewish people. Today, I am here to debunked these lies, and hopefully raise awareness about the gravity of these hateful allusions. Scripture is ZERO excuse to attack your brother, even if he does not believe in the same things you do.
    Here is a link to my essay:

    • Lee says:

      Hi Maia,

      Thanks for your thoughts, and for your linked article. I agree that the words in Revelation 2:9 are meant to be taken spiritually, not literally. Here is how Swedenborg interprets “Jew” in a positive sense when explaining the spiritual meaning of that verse:

      Jews mean people who possess the goodness of love because in the highest sense in the Word, Judah means the Lord in respect to the Divine goodness of His Divine love, and Israel means the Lord in respect to the Divine truth of His Divine wisdom. Therefore Jews symbolize people who possess the goodness of love from the Lord, and Israel people who possess Divine truths from the Lord. (Apocalypse Revealed #96)

      And Swedenborg interprets “synagogue of Satan” as people who claim to be religious (“Jews”), but who are caught up in false teachings. See Apocalypse Revealed #97.

      About hate speech, the above article is meant to reduce the heat and increase the light.

      The people who hacked your schools emails probably were racist. But I suspect they were mostly just mischief-makers who enjoy breaking the latest taboo. These days, racism is a highly charged issue, which means that flinging around racist statements gets a lot of bang for your buck if what you want to do is get attention and get people upset. When school systems and other government bodies get all in a tizzy about it, that gives the mischief-makers exactly what they want, and ensures that they’ll keep doing more of it.

      If, instead, we recognize that it’s really about them, not about their targets, and not give them the overblown reaction they want, they’ll stop using racism as a hook to get people all up in a huff, and laughing at the big scene they’ve created.

      • Maia Armstrong says:

        I do not want to give out names, but the person who hacked the system was a girl who hacked into a math teacher’s account. As your connection to the passage, I would also add in some’thing that Rev. Howard John Wesley explained in a recent sermojn. It is possible for someone to quote Scripture and go to church every Sonday, and go through the motions of religion. It is also possible to still have Satan in your heart. So, it makes perfect sense for John to use the “synagogue of Satan” as an illustration of the false church that is being lead astray in his letter. In modern day language, I would translate it to the “House of Satan”, just as the church is the “House of God.”

        • Lee says:

          Hi Maia,

          Good thoughts. Jesus himself was hardest on the hypocritical religious leaders of the day. He knew something we can also know today: people in positions of power, and especially people in positions of spiritual power, do far more damage if they go bad than people who have little or no power. See, for example:

          Power Corrupts? Absolutely Not. Arrogance Corrupts Power.

          With great power comes great responsibility. For seventeen or eighteen centuries institutional Christianity as a whole has been supremely irresponsible with its great spiritual power. That’s why for two or three centuries now the Lord has been removing its lampstand from its place, just as in 70 AD the Lord removed the lampstand of the Jewish leadership of that era due to its hypocrisy and corruption.

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