Will Happily Married Couples be Together in Heaven?

The first article in this series, “Didn’t Jesus Say There’s No Marriage in Heaven?” responded to a Spiritual Conundrum from a reader named Nita, in which she wrote:

Wedding Rings

Wedding Rings

I am widow and a believer in Jesus Christ. . . . I am so lonely without my husband of 38 years, we did everything together, even in the ministry. Will we be together in heaven? Jesus told the religious leaders that there will be no marriage in heaven. I miss my husband so much, my life without him has been turned upside down. Many tell me move on with my life and find someone else. He was my soulmate. Please help me understand! Thank you. I still trust God and love him.


Very Sad Widow

As I said in that first article, contrary to popular belief Jesus did not say that there’s no marriage in heaven!

The second article, “Marriage in the Resurrection: The Deeper Meaning,” goes into much greater depth on Jesus’ teaching about marriage in the afterlife. If you want all the nitty-gritty details, or you’ve been told by your minister or priest that there’s no marriage in heaven and you’re skeptical of anyone who says otherwise, I invite you to read those two articles.

In this third and final article in the series, I’ll simply deliver the good and comforting news to this Very Sad Widow, and to every other widow and widower who dearly loved a partner in marriage—not to mention everyone who is happily married and is deeply troubled by the words in the traditional Christian wedding vows, “till death do us part.” That news is:

Your marriage will continue after death. You will live with your beloved husband or wife forever in heaven. The two of you will continue to grow together in love, understanding, happiness, and joy to all eternity. Death has no power over what God has joined together.

In his book Marriage Love, originally published in, 1768 Emanuel Swedenborg (1688–1772) provides a detailed description of what happens for married couples after death. In the rest of this article we’ll quote and expand upon a few key passages from that book about man, woman, and the afterlife, and what happens there for happily married couples.

We are still male and female after death

Traditional Christianity commonly presents angels, and humans after death, as sexless, ethereal beings who no longer engage in interpersonal relationships such as marriage, but instead spend eternity totally absorbed in never-ending rapturous praise and worship of God.

Not so, says Swedenborg:

People live on as people after death, and people are male and female. Maleness is one thing and femaleness another in such a way that one cannot change into the other. Therefore a man lives on as a male and a woman as a female after death, each a spiritual person. (Marriage Love #32)

In modern terms, we would say that our gender identity is a fundamental part of our identity as a person. Being male or female is not just an incidental add-on to our personality. It is central to who and what we are, and to how we think and feel about ourselves. If our gender identity were taken away and we became sexless beings, we would no longer be ourselves.

Swedenborg simply brings that reality to its logical conclusion: if God created us male and female, so that our maleness and femaleness is an essential part of who we are, then we will continue to be male and female after death.

This means that we will have all the same thoughts, feelings, desires, and ideals as we do as men and women here on earth—including the romantic and sexual ones.

Swedenborg goes on to say that the particular kind of love and character that makes us the unique person we are also continues on after death. We continue to be exactly the same person we were before, with the same loves, feelings, thoughts, and beliefs. Nothing about us changes except that instead of having a physical body equipped for life in this material world, we have a spiritual body equipped for life in the spiritual world.

And yet, our spiritual body is so much like the body we have here on this earth that we will hardly be able to tell the difference. It is every bit as solid, warm, alive, and huggable as our physical body. And it has all of the same parts and organs, both external and internal.

This means that men still have a fully male body, and women still have a fully female body. And in case that’s not clear and explicit enough for you, yes, men do still have male genitals and all the rest of the physical parts and organs of a human male, and women do still have female genitals and all the rest of the physical parts and organs of a human female.

In short, after death we remain fully male or female, both psychologically and physically.

Sexual love continues after death

This means that we also continue to feel romantic and sexual love.

Swedenborg writes:

Love for the other sex, especially, continues after death, and so does marriage love for people who come into heaven. These are the ones who become spiritual on earth. Love for the other sex remains with people after death because then men are still male and women are female, and masculinity in a male is masculine in all of him and in every part of him. The same goes for femininity in a female. And every particular—in fact, every little detail—of them offers union. This disposition to unite has been implanted from creation, so it is always there, and this means that the one yearns and longs to unite with the other.

After all, people were created male and female in this way so that the two of them could be like one person, or one flesh. And when they do become one, taken together they are a complete person. Without this union they are two, and each is like a divided or half person. Now, because this attraction hides deep within each particle of a male and each particle of a female, and because the ability and the drive to join together into one is in each particle, a mutual and reciprocal love for the other sex remains with people after death. (Marriage Love #37)

If after death we remain male and female as God created us, how could it be any different? What would be left of our maleness and our femaleness if we did not feel a love and desire to be united together in love?

And so once again, Swedenborg simply takes the reality of our gender identity as a core aspect of our self to its logical conclusion. If we continue to be male or female after death, we will continue to have all the sexual and marriage-related loves, drives, and desires that we feel here on earth.

Furthermore, the type of sexual or marriage love that we choose and grow into here on earth also continues in the afterlife.

If as adults we choose to live a promiscuous life of sleeping around with multiple partners, cheating on our husband or wife, and focusing mostly on our own physical gratification and pleasure when it comes to relationships and sex, we’ll continue to be the same sort of person after death—which means that we will never be in a real, spiritual, eternal marriage.

But if as adults we choose to value love, faithfulness, commitment, and oneness of mind and heart with our partner and soulmate, then our loves and feelings will continue in the same way after death, and we will live eternally in a happy marriage relationship with our soulmate.

If we are married to the wrong person here on earth, or have been married several times, that will all get sorted out so that we end out with the person who is truly one with us in spirit. For more on how this works, please see the article, “If You’ve been Married More than Once, Which One will you be With in the Afterlife?

True marriage never ends

For people who are happily married to their true spiritual partner here on earth, after death their relationship picks up right where it left off, and continues on to eternity. In fact, when one partner dies before the other, as usually happens, spiritually the relationship is not even interrupted. About such couples whose souls are united, Swedenborg writes:

The two of them are not even separated by the death of one, since the spirit of the deceased husband or wife continues to live with the husband or wife who is not yet deceased. This continues until the other one’s death, when they meet again, reunite, and love each other even more tenderly than before because they are in the spiritual world. (Marriage Love #321)

And so to very sad widows and widowers everywhere, who have lived in a deep, loving, and happy marriage with your partner, I can assure you that your husband or wife is still with you. If you feel his or her presence at times, that is not an illusion or a hallucination. He or she really is still living together with you in spirit.

And when it comes your time to move from this world to the next, you will rejoin your beloved soulmate. Then, as the classic fairy tales all say, the two of you will live happily ever after.

This article is a response to various comments and questions by readers here on the blog, and to a spiritual conundrum submitted by a reader.

For further reading:


Lee Woofenden is an ordained minister, writer, editor, translator, and teacher. He enjoys taking spiritual insights from the Bible and the writings of Emanuel Swedenborg and putting them into plain English as guides for everyday life.

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Posted in Sex Marriage Relationships, The Afterlife
46 comments on “Will Happily Married Couples be Together in Heaven?
  1. Ozcan Erdonmez says:

    Hi Lee, it’s been a long time since I visited your site. Why do you believe in an afterlife, perhaps this is all there is?



    • Lee says:

      Hi Ozcan,

      Good to hear from you again. I hope life has been treating you well.

      About your question, here is the article for you: “Where is the Proof of the Afterlife?

    • David says:

      My father said to me as a boy , ” it’s better to believe in something rather than nothing ” . Of course I didn’t u feta tans at 10 what he meant . He said ” you can’t see the air you breathe but you can feel it ” . For me that’s the point – my soul connection to my wife in Heaven and God , the feeling inside . Plus of course the odd10 signs and smells she has sent me to say she’s ok !

  2. David says:

    The passing of my precious wife Anne brought me to spiritual matters and Swedenborg and your article is both wonderful and comforting .
    But how do we live meanwhile , without the physical presence of our loved one – what should our attitude and outlook be ? Should we seek companionship with another to get thru the lonely years ?
    I feel lost without her but have rediscovered God I know ..

    • Lee says:

      Hi David,

      I’m sorry to hear about the death of your beloved wife. That is one of the most difficult and painful things that can happen to anyone. I wish I had some magic words that could make your life better, but it’s just . . . hard.

      About seeking companionship after the death of a spouse, that is a very personal decision. Some people will do so, especially if their relationship with their wife or husband wasn’t so close. Others will have no particular desire to do so, especially if their relationship with their wife or husband was very close. And even some who did have a close and loving relationship will stare into the void of so many years of loneliness, and in time will seek and find another partner and companion. One such person I know whose beloved wife died far too early eventually came to the conclusion that his deceased wife would not want him to suffer through decades of loneliness for the rest of his life on earth. Life is messy. Our choices aren’t always easy ones.

      I am glad to hear that even the pain of losing your wife brought a certain blessing with it in bringing you closer to God and spirit. And I’m glad this article has been helpful to you as well.

      • John T Looney-Harness says:

        I lost my absolute soul mate since 1985,We were Married in Atlanta on Josephine St…anyway
        She “moved” on so to speak June 10th 2017 and 4:54 pm in Florida. I want to be with her so badly…I am 58 and am healthy to my knowledge…I moved here to Va and found out that my brother has stage 3 cancer and have been caring for him. My Wonderful Wife of Decades that I found so many writings from her has let me know things that she felt….when you see things in writing it has another meaning….the TRUTH. She Love me so much….her name is
        Tina Annette Looney Harness. The Most Wonderful Woman I have ever been near., Now I want spend my life with her in Heaven….I want to leave for Her NOW however I have learned that I would see her again if I ended it “all.” So I have not. In two weeks in Dunedin Fl I lost her,,Our Condo Modest to say the least and my Job selling wine in 42 Fresh Market Stores in the State of Fl. I moved here to Va…with my Brother and within and hour and a half found that he has STAGE 3 Colon cancer…..I am helping as best that I can. Tina and I are so special…
        The tears never stop….

        • Lee says:

          Hi John,

          I’m so sorry to hear about your wife’s death. That is one of the most painful things any human can experience. The grieving and tears are perfectly understandable, and necessary for our emotional health and recovery.

          I do hope that this article has given you some comfort and hope that even though you may have many years left on this earth, her death is not the end of your marriage. The two of you will have a joyful reunion when it comes your time to shuffle off this mortal coil.

          We cannot always know what God has in mind for us when things like this happen. But I do believe that as long as we’re still on this earth, even if we wish we weren’t, that means God still has work for us to do here. Not just selling wine, of course, but working on our soul. And I believe that people who outlive their beloved wives or husbands here on earth are growing in spirit and building the character that will make it possible for them to have an even closer and more loving marriage with their loved one in heaven.

          Of course, that’s a small comfort when one’s beloved is no longer present, and there is a hole in one’s heart where she (or he) should be. And yet, no one promised that life would be easy. We press on, we do our work, and we wait on the Lord for comfort and, in the end, a joy with our love beyond even what we experienced here on earth.

          Meanwhile, our thoughts and prayers are with you.

  3. Okay, first of all, you can’t just quote a bunch of extrabiblical stuff and NOT post the ONE passage in the Bible that deal with this issue: Luke 20:35 says, “The resurrection from the dead will neither marry nor be given in marriage.” So you can just ignore what Jesus said about it and preach your own version of Heaven to comfort people on earth or you can preach the TRUTH and hope that people find comfort in the reality that marriage won’t matter in Heaven because He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away. Marriage will pass away. Maybe we will get glorified bodies that no longer crave sex. I don’t know. What I do know is that Jesus doesn’t lie. I believe our spouse on earth will be our friend in Heaven. Jesus is our husband in Heaven and we are not lonely with Him by our side. We won’t crave the companionship like we do here on earth because we will have PERFECT UNION with Christ and our fellow brothers and sisters.

    • Lee says:

      Hi Foundations of Sapphires,

      Thanks for your comment.

      The reason I didn’t quote any Bible passages in this article is that I already focused extensively on Luke 20:35 and other passages in the Bible about marriage in the first two articles in this series, which are linked at the beginning of this article:

      1. Didn’t Jesus Say There’s No Marriage in Heaven?
      2. Marriage in the Resurrection: The Deeper Meaning

      I would recommend that you read these two articles before drawing any more conclusions.

      The reality is that Jesus simply did not say that there is no marriage in heaven. He said that people don’t get married in heaven. There’s a huge difference!

      As is common in traditional Christianity, its leaders and teachers have paid attention to only one or two verses in the Bible, and have ignored many other passages, including other things that Jesus himself said about marriage. And they have completely misread and misunderstood those few passages that they do pay attention to. That is because, as Jesus said to the Sadducees, “They are in error because they do not know the Scriptures or the power of God” (in the version of the “Marriage at the Resurrection” story found in Matthew 22:23–33).

      As quoted in the first article above, Jesus also said:

      At the beginning of creation God “made them male and female.” “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate. (Mark 10:6–9)

      What God does is not temporary, but eternal:

      I know that everything God does will endure forever. (Ecclesiastes 3:14)

      So if God has joined two people together in marriage, that marriage is not temporary, but will endure forever. (Of course, many bad and mismatched marriages that humans, not God, make are temporary, and don’t even survive a few years on this earth.)

      In reality, traditional Christian leaders and teachers, by their complete misunderstanding of the Scriptures on this point, are doing exactly the same thing as the ancient Jewish religious leaders and teachers did. As Jesus said, “They tie up heavy burdens, hard to bear, and lay them on the shoulders of others” (Matthew 23:4).

      In this case, these so-called “Christian” leaders have twisted Jesus’ words about marriage in the resurrection into something he simply did not say, ignored what he said elsewhere about genuine God-created marriage, and then laid a heavy burden on the shoulders of people who have a deep and loving marriage with their husband or wife, telling them that this God-given relationship will end at death, when the Bible says no such thing.

      It is terrible what these modern “Christian” scribes and Pharisees have done in twisting the Word of God into their own heavy, burdensome, human-invented doctrines.

      The real meaning of Jesus’ words is covered much more fully in the two articles linked above, which, once again, I recommend that you read.

      It is easy enough for people who haven’t experienced a deep, loving, and spiritual marriage to say that there is no marriage in heaven. But for those who have experienced that kind of God-given marriage, and have lived happily with their husband or wife for many years, forming a deep bond so that as Jesus said, they are no longer two, but one, the false teaching that their marriage is only “till death do us part” is a terrible blow and burden, and leads to vast amounts of completely unnecessary pain and suffering for many thousands of widows and widowers.

      • David says:

        I couldn’t agree more.
        I met my soulmate Anne and she showed me true God given love for 37 years on this Earth . The ONLY thing that has kept me focused and hopeful is that I will be with her again.
        Those who have not walked in these shoes of bereavement simply cannot comprehend the pain and despair of having your soul ripped in two . God would not have brought us together only to cruelly desperate us forever. I just cannot accept that . The more I study Swedenborg the more it makes sense .

        • You’re not going to be separated from her. If she’s in Heaven, then she’s in Heaven and you’ll see her when you get there. But more than hoping to see her when you get there I hope you’re even more excited to see God!

        • David says:

          Excited to see God !
          Wow – can I even compute that ? My Anne had brought me closer to God and I relate to Hom through her , whom I understand . But my quest now is to try to understand my spirituality and God of course . I need Him to help my loneliness ( for her ) . This is a wonderful site bringing much comfort .

      • “It is easy enough for people who haven’t experienced a deep, loving, and spiritual marriage to say that there is no marriage in heaven.”
        No. It’s really not easy. If there IS marriage in Heaven as you say, I don’t think it’s fair at all that some people will be married and other people will not be married. I, for one, long to be married more than anyone. But if I die tomorrow, I’ll be in Heaven with no husband. How is that even fair for other people to be in Heaven with their beloved spouse for all eternity but I don’t get to be married since I wasn’t married on earth? NOT FAIR AT ALL. Also, I know a woman who has been HAPPILY MARRIED to three different men. The first two passed away and her current husband is in his 80’s. I highly doubt all three men will want to share her in Heaven. Also, all three men had wives prior to her who also died. So are they all going to live in a polygamous relationship? NO. That’s why God said they will “neither marry nor be given in marriage.” The Greek word for marriage here in the verse I quoted is “gameō” which is the present tense, active voice, and indicative mood. The verse says we will be “like the angels,” therefore a higher form of existence, a glorified corporeality, and as the earthly conditions of life are eliminated, we have no need of human propagation because everyone who was meant to be alive is alive and lives forever. I don’t think we are sexless in Heaven, I believe we are still male and female but who knows? Maybe not. In any case, we have a spiritual body that is perfect and needs nothing. Why would be need to have sexual relations? Marriage was only an institution for this world, and since in Heaven we don’t need helpers and there isn’t any lust, and we don’t have children, why do we need marriage? We are all going to love each other deeply in a totally perfect way.

        • Lee says:

          Hi Foundations of Sapphires,

          It sounds like you have not yet read the first two articles in this series. Most of the issues and concerns you raise here are addressed in them. In particular, everyone who wants to be married is married in heaven, regardless of whether they found and married their true love here on earth. So you have nothing to fear.

          But I already covered that and much more in those two articles, so I won’t repeat it all here. For people from traditional Christian backgrounds who have been told by their preachers that there’s no marriage in heaven, this last article was meant to be read only after reading the other two articles, which deal directly and in detail with Jesus’ words about marriage and the resurrection. I do hope you will read them. I know they’re long. But I think and hope they will clear up many things for you.

          I have read a number of articles on your blog. I know that you long for a good and loving relationship with a man who will become your husband. I certainly don’t want to make light of that. Neither do I want you to finally find that man but have your marriage to him lessened by the continual thought that it is only a temporary relationship that will end with death.

          About people who have been married more than once, please see: “If You’ve been Married More than Once, Which One will you be With in the Afterlife?

  4. David says:

    Hi Lee – wonderful site , full of hope but what does God say about bereavement ? I am in my 4 th year without her and grieve as much , if not more , than ever for her . To the point where I feel apart from everyday life and things don’t have the same interest for me anymore . All I want is to be in that special place with her forever . My life now is an effort and every day I pray to God to ease my pain and give me solace – but it doesn’t seem to be happening ! I don’t want anyone else but get so lonly for her special love . I have friends and family but I hate to say even they cannot ease my grief . Why do we have to endure thus awful situation after being so very happy with each other ? I feel as if I’m losing my mind sometimes . When you consider that there are thousands like me , doesn’t it seem just cruel that life is like this ?

    • Lee says:

      Hi David,

      Yes, the pain of separation is very real and very deep. And that’s true even for those who have a solid faith that they will meet their partner on the other side. If your wife were to travel to some remote area of the world where there is no communication with the outside world, and stay there indefinitely, it would be the same feeling, even if you knew that she is still alive. The separation itself leaves a huge hole in your heart, mind, and life.

      The reality is that our life here on earth often is very harrowing and painful. And though it may sound harsh, that is part of what this physical universe, and our time in it, is designed for. Though we do also have many joys and pleasures here on earth, the pain, suffering, and grief that we experience here is part of the sifting and development of our soul that forges us into the person we will be in eternity. Although the easy, fun, and joyful times are absolutely necessary for our emotional well-being, it is the harrowing times of deep testing of the soul that cause our greatest spiritual growth and maturing if we take them as such, and throw the force of our mind and spirit against them to engage in the painful growth required to become a fully mature spiritual human being.

      That’s the abstract version. Now the concrete version. And I hope you don’t mind if I get a little more personal. Mind you, this is only my perception from the outside, so I could be way off the mark. Feel free to tell me I’ve got it completely wrong!

      In some of your previous comments here, you have related how your beloved (and now deceased) Anne brought you to God, showed you God and true love, and so on. That, of course, was a precious gift. However, one of the traits of character we are meant to develop here on this earth is the ability to stand on our own two feet, so that we can be a fully equal partner with our eternal wife or husband. In my pastoral career I have seen instances in which a married “pillar of the church” completely fell apart when his beloved wife died. And my sense was that he had depended upon her for his faith. (I have also seen it happen the other way around, in which the wife depended upon her husband’s faith.) And yet, our faith is supposed to depend upon God, and be in God, not in and dependent upon another human being.

      May I suggest that perhaps under God’s Providence, your wife was allowed to pass on before you because her faith was strong in itself, and she was ready for eternity, whereas yours depended upon her, and was not strong within your own self?

      You also mention that her passing brought you to Swedenborg, and by extension, to your own searches for spiritual understanding and faith. Perhaps this is why you are still here on earth, without your beloved Anne. Perhaps, instead of depending upon her faith and connection to God, you needed time to develop your own—which, unfortunately, you would not have done if she had outlived you. Perhaps this time without her, as painful and grief-filled as it is, is God giving you an opportunity to develop your own direct faith in and knowledge of God and spirit, so that when it comes your time to die, you and your beloved Anne will be truly a match for each other spiritually—which is the only kind of match and oneness that matters in the spiritual world.

      God knows that your life is one of struggle, sorrow, and void without your wife. And God does look upon you with compassion, and suffer with you during this very difficult time of your life. And yet, perhaps God, in his love and mercy, is allowing you to experience these years of struggle for spiritual meaning and for some faith in God within your own self, not dependent upon anyone else, precisely because God sees that this is what is necessary for you to be a true partner and match for Anne, so that the two of you can be together in eternity.

      • David says:

        Hi Lee

        Thank you for your quick and lengthy reply – I am grateful you have taken the time and thought in your reply and I really appreciate that .

        Yes I do understand the general thrust of what you say and interpreted in this way it makes the period of pain and loss a worthwhile sacrifice , if that is the right word , and I really do know that only God can get me through this . Initially I looked for diversion in keeping busy , buying material things and reaching out to others in the same position for a quick fix . I now understand that this is not the answer ( although I value and live my new friends ) .

        When Anne passed over , I desperately needed to know she was still alive somewhere else . The thought that she was just no more was too much too bear and that we would never be together again was inconceivable to me . In the first year I was lucky enough to have signs that she was around , about 10 in all , both lovely and pure . I just knew she was alive in another realm . Yet the being apart from her was unbearable , she is my perfect woman and so right for me and I gave and received such love and felt blessed . Yet even so , there is truth in the saying , you don’t know what you have until it’s gone , and I love her more now than ever . There is only one direction for me to go – towards God and that’s exactly what I am trying to do ( I can’t say it’s easy in many respects , for He is hard to understand and comprehend and it takes time ) . But He brought us together and I’m so glad He did !

        Anne was a ordinary person like most of us , and we conducted our lives in routine and happiness , raising two lovely children and thinking we would carry on forever – even when she was ill we never lost hope and I felt we could get through anything as long as we were together . Of course we can’t and life is brutal in taking those we love away at some point .
        She did in fact not express any great faith to me directly , but her compassion and godliness for others was often showed in her work at the hospital where she worked and if course to her beloved family . In fact she used to say she envied people that had a great faith . But I know she had Godliness in her without knowing it , so perhaps there is some truth in your view .

        I can live with the idea that God is giving me more time to develop my spirituality and I trust Him fully in believing he will bring us together again – forever … but it can be so hard to life in a world without her near me , so I must develop my inner strength to find some peace and look forward so much to the day we are reunited through Gods love .

        Thank you so much for your site and your caring thoughts .

        • Lee says:

          Hi David,

          You are very welcome. As you say, it’s still very hard. But having some sense that perhaps there is an ultimate purpose and good result to our struggles and pain here on earth can at least give us a reason to keep moving forward and doing the work—including the spiritual work—that’s in front of us.

          About Anne envying people who had great faith, I would make a distinction between people saying they have great faith and people actually having great faith. The two may be together. But it’s also common for people who make a big show of having oodles of faith and love for God to make that big show precisely because their faith really isn’t very strong, so they have to keep assuring themselves of it out loud. Other people make their living talking about God, faith, spirit, and so on—and that professional expression of faith may or may not express a true solid faith within themselves.

          And if I may say so, it is common for women, especially, who do have an inner abiding faith not to spend a lot of time talking about it, or even thinking about it in any intellectual way. They simply go about their day powered by something within them that sustains them and keeps them going, whether or not they can clearly identify what it is, and say, “That’s my faith.”

          And biblically, faith is not even a belief as Christians often use the word today. Rather, it is faithfulness to God and God’s commandments. For more on this, see my article, “Faith Alone Is Not Faith.” My sense is that even if your Anne may not have spoken of having great faith, she actually had great faith within her in the sense of a great faithfulness to Jesus’ commandment to love one another as he has loved us (John 15:12).

          At any rate, I’m glad the articles and these conversations are giving you some help and direction as you struggle on through a very difficult period of your life.

          About understanding God, there are a number of articles here that speak about the nature of God and our relationship with God. I could give you some links to a few of them if that would be helpful.

        • David says:

          Hi Lee

          I belong to an organization called WayUp ( Widowed and Young – plus is over 50 ) and we have been talking extensively about ” soul mates ” !

          I know this is a fairly new term to express the ” love of your life ” – the person you give all you uncondional love to who you want to be with forever .. but one lady has had 3 relationships ( 2 divorced and one bereavement ) and says she loved them all . How would she know if one of them was a soul mate , or all three at different times ?? She feels sad that she hasn’t found her soul mate for some reason .

          What is your take of this expression and its importance , if any , in our spiritual journey ?

          As always – thanks

        • Lee says:

          Hi David,

          I like the term “soulmates.” Yes, it’s a fairly recent term, and some people think of it as freaky and fruity. However, it captures and expresses very well the idea that real marriage is based on a connection of souls, meaning of minds and hearts. And I do believe that is the real basis for any lasting marriage—and certainly for any eternal marriage.

          About the woman who has had three relationships, it is possible, and quite common, for us to love someone who turns out not to be our soulmate.

          We humans are wired to love another person closely and dearly. And as the old Stephen Stills song says, “If you can’t be with the one you love, love the one you’re with.” That’s just how we humans work. Assuming there isn’t a serious disconnect or conflict, married partners (and even unmarried ones) will commonly love one another regardless of how deep (or shallow) the soul connection is, because that’s what we humans do. We love the one we’re with.

          This, I think, is part of God’s providence for us. If we were capable only of loving our true soulmate, where would we be if that person lives on another continent, or is married to someone else, or is already dead? We would be left high and dry, without the possibility of forming a good marriage here on earth. And more pragmatically, there would be a serious problem procreating and continuing the human race. So God provides that we are able to love someone who is a “near miss,” or even someone who is not a very good match for us at all spiritually, but with whom we can still form a marriage relationship here on earth, raise a family, and so on. This is quite common.

          And it’s not all for nothing even spiritually. Marriage is one of the most powerful forums for spiritual growth. Even being married to someone who is not the right mate for our soul still brings us into close, daily relationship with another person, and requires us to grow up spiritually, think of another person first, and become less selfish. That is, if we’re heaven-bound and not stubbornly heading for hell. So the ability to have a good marriage with someone who ultimately is not our soulmate is also given to us for our eternal wellbeing.

          One more point for now: As long as we are living here on earth, our character is still engaged in a formative process. Especially when we’re young, and for many people even when we’re old, we are moving from one place to another spiritually, and in our character. Many people go through major changes of character from their teens and twenties to their fifties and sixties. This may mean that someone who was a good partner for us at twenty or thirty may no longer be a match for us at fifty or sixty. Either we or they or both may have become a whole different person. That’s another reason, I believe, why some of us go through several partners here on earth, each of which we may love. We’re still growing and changing, and that may change who we find to be a match for our soul.

          Once we move on to the spiritual world, we no longer go through these sorts of major changes of character. We do still continue to grow spiritually, but we grow in the direction that we set here on earth. We no longer change direction in any major way. So at that point, there will be no further need to change partners. There will be one other person who has, through her or his life on earth, moved onto the same path we are traveling on. And that is the person we will stay with to eternity.

          For more on this, see the article, “If You’ve been Married More than Once, Which One will you be With in the Afterlife?

  5. David says:

    Hi Lee again

    Thank you fir your reply . I found it a little disconcerting that you only say ” perhaps” there is an ultimate purpose to our struggles etc – you don’t sound very assured that these things are real , or am I reading this wrong ?

    I also have seen another site from an online physic that dismisses the notion of soulmates which again is more than upsetting ..

    It is a little hard to discern the real truth of the afterlife sometimes and the conflicting interpretations that come our way .

    I have taken to trusting God and also I guess Swenenborg as I love the whole concepts stated and do believe in soulmates and special love ones whom we want to reunite and spend eternity with .

    Am I just being foolish and hanging onto a dream to be with my wife again or are we all alone in the ether waiting for a hideous reincarnation we don’t want ?

    • Lee says:

      Hi David,

      I personally am very much assured that these things are real. However, many other people struggling with these issues are not. My “perhaps” was not a reflection of my own level of conviction, but of the level of conviction of people (perhaps you?) who are still struggling with faith and assurance that these things are real. Many people operate on the hope that they are real without full assurance that they are real. That’s where that “perhaps” came from.

      About psychics, I would suggest not giving too great a weight to their pronouncements and opinions. People who gain their information from spiritual and psychic sources without proper grounding generally will have whatever notions they already had confirmed, whether or not those notions are actually true. For more on this, see: “What about Spiritualism? Is it a Good Idea to Contact Spirits?” And many psychics lean toward Eastern religious paradigms that include reincarnation.

      About reincarnation, please see: “The Bible, Emanuel Swedenborg, and Reincarnation.”

      Of course, ultimately you will have to make up your own mind about these issues. And ultimately, we’ll all know for sure once we pass over to the other life. But from my perspective, you’re on the right track trusting your inner intuition to trust God and trust what Swedenborg wrote on the eternity of true marriage. Unlike the psychics and mediums, Swedenborg spent nearly three decades visiting and traveling around in the spiritual world. This gave him a solid knowledge of what that world is like, and how things work there. For more on this, see: “Do the Teachings of Emanuel Swedenborg take Precedence over the Bible?

      Personally, I have no doubts at all that we will live with the one we love to eternity in heaven—assuming we make the choice here on earth for heaven rather than for hell. If you still have doubts, I would recommend continuing to move forward with positive doubt, believing that God truly is loving, and will provide what’s needed for our eternal happiness. And those of us who have experienced true marriage know that it is the greatest source of happiness among all of our human relationships. That is something a loving God would never cruelly rip away from us just when we are entering into the eternal reward for our labors here on earth.

  6. Darwin says:

    hi lee, I lost my wife on 04 October 2016 Meisa! at that time I felt that my life was empty and meaningless, this is very serious moment in my life! in me I hope to be with him all my life, I always try to find an article about the after life and I get Swedenborg, this is giving me hope that I will be reunited with my wife. My wife catholic, before I was not interested in religion now I believe in God, because God gives me the answer! when I’m sad and miss him, often his dream with not a lot to help me find the answer “I’ll be with her if I die?” one day I pray and ask, and I had a dream with him, where we hold hands together on the hill when it really feels happiness beyond measure, heartbreak was reunited and it was only a few seconds, but his feelings were really wow … I think it is God’s answer to my prayers, this is a dream that is different! God always has a plan that is best for us, his death made me closer to God

    • Lee says:

      Hi Darwin,

      Thanks for stopping by, and for telling your story. I am sorry to hear about the death of your wife. I’m glad the thoughts expressed in this article are giving you some help. Our thoughts and prayers are with you.

  7. Tina Burton says:


    Thank you for your wonderful articles. They have been a source of great comfort for me . I lost my father on Feb.26, 2017. He had been ill for a couple of years, but still his passing has it me very hard. He was not a regular churchgoer. Having said that I can count on one hand how many times I heard my father talk about or judge anyone. Do you have an article you can point me to or words of comfort for those who have lost a parent? Thank you again, Tina

  8. Jake says:

    Hi Lee,

    Does this verse also explain the marriage?

    Matthew 16:19

    19 I will give you the keys of the kingdom of heaven; whatever you bind on earth will be[a] bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be[b] loosed in heaven.”

    • Lee says:

      Hi Jake,

      Thanks for stopping by, and for your comment and question.

      In Matthew 16:19 I believe Jesus was speaking generally to all of his followers, and to all people, not just to his immediate disciples. And he was not giving some sort of apostolic authority over others to bind and loose heaven to them, as the Catholic Church very wrongly and blasphemously believes. Rather, he was saying that what each of us does here on earth binds or looses our eternal life in heaven accordingly. The keys to heaven are in our own hands—not to open or close it for others, but to open or close it for ourselves.

      The same principle applies to marriage. Whatever attitudes and practices relating to marriage we develop here on earth for ourselves, and with our spouses, will follow us into the spiritual world.

      If we disrespect marriage, sleep around, and generally engage in a promiscuous and self-indulgent life here on earth, that will not change in the spiritual world. There we will find ourselves eternally on the wrong side of the great gulf, where real marriage is nonexistent because everyone is focused only on his or her own pleasure, with no interest in or ability to love another person.

      But if we respect marriage and are faithful and loving in marriage—or in our attitudes and intentions toward marriage if we are not fortunate enough to be married here on earth—that also will not change in the spiritual world. There we will find ourselves happily married to our true love and spiritual partner eternally in heaven.

  9. Kristi Maki says:

    Are you ever in tune with absolutely everything I believe about marriage, sex and being male and female. All the other articles I looked up said the complete opposite. I truly believe God is married as well as Jesus and Angels. I have met my soulmate and we know with all our hearts that we will be together for eternity. Thanks for your uplifting and truthful article. Keep doing Gods work!

    • Lee says:

      Hi Kristi,

      Thanks for stopping by, and for your comment. I’m glad you found the article enjoyable and helpful. Annette and I wish the two of you all happiness together!

  10. Terri says:

    I am twice widowed. I was/am deeply in love with both of my deceased husbands. So where exactly does this leave me?

    • Lee says:

      Hi Terri,

      Thanks for stopping by, and for your comment and question. We humans are, I think, wired to love the one we’re with, barring irreconcilable differences. It’s common for people of good heart who have been married more than once to love each one they’re married to.

      However, in the spiritual world it will become clear which one we are spiritually at one with, and that will be the one we remain with to eternity. How that will work out in your particular situation I can’t say. Only God knows.

      For more on this, please see: “If You’ve been Married More than Once, Which One will you be With in the Afterlife?

  11. Line Yahia says:

    Hello Lee 🙂
    What an amazing article. It really maked me happy and filled me with hope. But I still wonder, my husband and I have really found true love in each other. I have never felt such strong feelings before, that’s why I know it’s meant to be. But I am Christian and he is Muslim. Does that means that he will be punished? He believes in Jesus, just not as “God’s son” and as our savoir. He loves God and worship him so well and is so thankful for everything he got in life. Will we still be together? Will God accept our wishes to be together in heaven even our religions are different? I am so afraid that God will separate me from him when he dies.. What can you say about this? I really hope to hear from you soon.

    • Lee says:

      Hi Line,

      Thanks for stopping by, and for your comment and question. And congratulations on finding love!

      I don’t believe God will separate the two of you after death just because you are different religions here on earth. Our religions on earth are adapted to our different cultures and backgrounds, and are designed by God to provide the teachings, the faith, and the practices that we need to be reborn as a new person who is faithful to God and loving to our neighbor. This can happen in any religion. And for those who do this spiritual work of becoming a good, loving, and faithful person, there is not punishment waiting in the afterlife, but blessedness.

      Further, then we will see things far more clearly than we do here. God and the angels will teach us what we need to know and believe for living in heaven—and those whose hearts are good will listen, learn, and accept spiritual truth that goes beyond even what the different religions here on earth can offer.

      So my belief is that if the two of you are united in heart, mind, and life, you will continue together in the spiritual world, and your respective religious beliefs here on earth will be raised to a whole new level there.

      Meanwhile, here are a few more articles that you might find helpful:

      If you have any questions as you read, please don’t hesitate to ask.

      And may God bless you as you move forward in life together.

      • Line Yahia says:

        Thank you so much for your answer it really maked me happy and hopeful:) I only got one last question for you, alot of people and even a big amount of Christians says that God can’t love both me and him because they think we believe in two different God’s. Is that true? Isn’t there only ONE God? And says he needs to believe that Jesus is our savoir else he will stay in hell.. the thought of that really makes me nervous. But is it really true? God said we must not believe in other gods.. But u thought it was like the Buddha and Ra from Buddhism and Egyptian religions. Muslims and Christians believe in the same God right? Just understands his words differently and have a focus on two different prophet’s? They call him Allah but that’s just the word for God in their language isn’t it? I am just so tired of listen to so many different thoughts. I hope you can clear this for me, doesn’t have to be long just so I know what’s true. Again thank you so much 🙂

        • Lee says:

          Hi Line,

          I’m glad my answer was helpful to you, and gave you hope.

          Of course, in the end you’ll have to decide for yourself what you believe is true. I’m happy to tell you what I believe. But as you’ve already discovered, other people will say I’m wrong. However, I think that as you consider these things in your heart, you’ll come to your own understanding of what’s right and what’s wrong.

          I’ve already written long answers to your questions in two of the four articles I linked above:

          1. If there’s One God, Why All the Different Religions?
          2. Is Jesus Christ the Only Way to Heaven?

          These articles will, I think, satisfy both your mind and your heart that what I am saying, and what you want to believe, is true—and that what those so-called “Christians” believe is false. If you want to understand and learn the truth, you will need to put a little time and effort into it. So I recommend that you spend some time reading these and other linked articles to educate yourself, compare what you read to other things you have heard, and satisfy yourself of the truth.

          And the truth is that there is only one God, and that one God is a God of pure love, who loves all the people God has created, regardless of their race, culture, or religion. We humans call God by many different names, and see God in many different ways, but it is all the same God. And God has provided a path to God and heaven for all people, everywhere, of every religion. See also my article, “God is Love . . . And That Makes All the Difference in the World.”

          And if you have any more questions as you read, please don’t hesitate to ask.

  12. Delphi Pro says:

    I’ve noticed something. Authors that explore the deeper meaning of Jesus’ words to the Sadducees and offer hope for people wishing to be with romantic love partners in the afterlife also provide a forum for discussion. They let people respond with their thoughts, opinions and reflection. That includes people who disagree also. On the other hand, authors who toe the church “party line” on no marriage in heaven also provide no forum for comments. Theirs is a closed discussion. That tells me that it is THEY, not you, who are exercising thought and mind control. If they really believe that their answer is so correct, then they should let people debate it and reason with them, instead of the conversation being all one way.

    • Lee says:

      Hi Delphi Pro,

      Thanks for stopping by, and for your thoughts. Yes, it does seem that people and organizations that take hard-line positions are less likely to allow conversation and debate. However, that’s not a hard-and-fast rule. Some conservative Christians do run blogs where there is a place for discussion.

      Also, to be fair, I do delete a lot of comments from conservative Christians who come here only to say how wrong, wrong, wrong I am, and how I’m leading people astray and heading for hell myself. I will also usually delete comments before they appear if they are generally rude and insulting to me or to other commenters here. See my comments policy. Experience shows that engaging such people in discussion is a fool’s errand.

      However, if people come here and are reasonably respectful in disagreeing with me and saying why they disagree with me, I’ll approve and respond to their comments. Sometimes they do have a valid objection. But regardless of that, a healthy discussion of contrasting and opposing views helps everyone to clarify things in their own minds.

  13. Kunal says:

    Do deceased husband & wife live in the Afterlife like they have lived on earth
    before passing away like eating food & drinking water etc?

    • Lee says:

      Hi Kunal,

      Thanks for stopping by, and for your comment and question.

      The answer to your question is yes!

      Even though we leave behind our physical body at death, because it is no longer of any use to us, we continue to live in our spiritual body, which is adapted to the spiritual world in which we live after our physical death. Our spiritual body is every bit as real, touchable, and huggable as our physical body, and it has all of the same parts, organs, and so on. So we continue to eat, drink, run, play, work, and all of the other things we do here.

      For more on this, see these articles here:

      And of course, if you have further questions as you read, please don’t hesitate to ask.

      Godspeed on your spiritual journey!

      • Kunal says:

        Dear Mr. Woofenden, Thanks for your reply. I am a HINDU by birth & what i have read about
        the Hindu view of spirits after death leaves a lot of questions in my mind for which I found logical answers in Mr. Swedenborg’s writings which is fully accepted by my mind. So I am now
        a Swedenborg follower & I found your replies very acceptable to me. By the way I might take this opportunity to recommend a book by a Hindu spiritualist called Swami Abhedananda
        named LIFE BEYOND DEATH, a critical study of spiritualism. I would very much like your
        opinion on his interpretation on the aspects common to Swedenborg & him.
        This book is published by RAMKRISHNA VEDANTA MATH AT 19A & B, Raja Rajkrisna Street, KOLKATA- 700 006, India.
        Website : http://www.ramakrishnavedantamath.org/.
        He was in America for many years delivering his lectures in many places there.
        I am searching for a common ground between Swedenborg’s writings & the Hindu idea
        not that it will alter my opinion about Swedenborg’s writings & your replies to my queries.
        Kind regards.

        • Lee says:

          Hi Kunal,

          Thanks for your reply, and for the link. I did fix the link, which wasn’t working, and removed the email address, since I don’t normally allow public posting of email addresses.

          I’m glad you are finding answers to your questions in Swedenborg’s writings and on our blog!

          I did find a digital copy of Swami Abhedananda’s book Life Beyond Death, and have read eight or nine of the lectures so far. Of course, there’s far more material than I could respond to in a comment here. However, here are some key comparisons between Abhedananda’s views and Swedenborg’s based on what I’ve read so far of the Swami’s views.

          First, some important points of agreement:

          1. Abhedananda emphasizes over and over again that thought and consciousness is non-material, that materialists are wrong to think that consciousness is a function of the brain, or occurs in the brain. He says that there is a distinct, spiritual part of a person where thought and consciousness occurs, which then is communicated to the body. On these views, he is in complete agreement with Swedenborg.

          2. Abhedananda also emphasizes that our life does not end with death, but continues on, since our spirit cannot die. He rejects the views of those who believe that evil people are snuffed out or “annihilated,” but says that everyone, without exception, continues to live eternally. On these views, also, he is in complete agreement with Swedenborg.

          3. Further, Adhedananda says that after we die, we do not lose our individuality, but continue to have all our memories, and bring our experiences and character with us. This is also in agreement with Swedenborg’s view.

          However, there are also some important points of disagreement between Abhedananda and Swedenborg:

          1. Abhedananda believes in and teaches reincarnation, and rejects what he calls the “one-birth theory”: that each person is born into this world only once, and then goes on to the spiritual world eternally after death. Abhedananda believes it is impossible for anything that has a beginning to continue forever. Swedenborg, however, rejects reincarnation, and agrees with general Christian doctrine that we are born once, and then live forever in the spiritual world after we die.

          2. Related to this, Abhedananda sees the “one-birth theory” as an example of “creation out of nothing,” which is a traditional Christian view of how God created the universe. Abhedananda rejects the “one-birth theory” on that basis, saying that nothing can be created from nothing. Swedenborg agrees with Abhedananda’s rejection of creation out of nothing. But instead of rejecting the “one-birth theory” on that basis, Swedenborg instead says that all things in the universe are ultimately created out of the substance of God, while becoming non-God through the act of creation. This is a somewhat complex doctrine, but the general idea is that our souls are not created out of nothing, but ultimately are created by and from God, and immediately from an offshoot of the soul of our parents.

          3. This means that another difference between Abhedananda’s views and Swedenborg’s is that Swedenborg does believe that each individual person is a new creation of God in time, and that our souls do have a beginning point, but no ending point. Abhedananda believes that our souls have neither beginning nor end.

          4. Abhedananda rejects the existence of both an eternal hell and an eternal heaven, saying that heaven and hell are only temporary way stations for souls in between successive births on this earth, based on what they had done, whether good or evil, in their most recent lifetime. Abhedananda believes that every soul will eventually, through a series of experiences and learning spread over many lifetimes, transcend both hell and heaven, and achieve a type of divine consciousness that is omniscient and omnipotent. Swedenborg, by contrast, accepts the general Christian view that we will each have only one lifetime, and that our action here will determine whether we spend eternity in heaven or hell. Swedenborg rejects the idea that we will ever become divine or have divine consciousness. But he does say that we continue to learn and grow spiritually to eternity if we have chosen heaven over hell.

          5. Abhedananda seems to think that Christian belief involves God ultimately choosing who will be in heaven and who will be in hell, either in a Calvinistic sense of God outright predestining some people for heaven and some for hell, or by God giving individual people a particular inborn character and environment that will cause them either to go to heaven or to hell. Though this does represent some Christian views (including Calvinism—which I believe is a horrible travesty of Christianity), it would be rejected by most Christians. It is specifically rejected by Swedenborg, who says that God protects our free will above all else, and that if anyone goes to hell, it is that person’s own free choice, and not anything that God or heredity or circumstances imposed upon that person.

          6. Abhedananda seems to hold to a fairly strict view of karma in which everything we have done here on earth will have a direct consequence either in the spiritual world or in our next life. For example, for those souls who go (temporarily) to heaven, they will reap the full measure of enjoyments that their good actions here on earth have brought about for them before reincarnating back in the material universe once again. Swedenborg rejects this general view of things, saying, instead, that it is the character we build here on earth that continues, whereas any particular actions we have done here remain in the past. In particular, Swedenborg specifically rejects the traditional Christian view (which, I think, would be consonant with Abhedananda’s view) that people in hell are punished for their evil actions here on earth. Swedenborg says that in fact, no evil spirit is punished for any evil thing he or she did here on earth, but only for the the evil things he or she continues to do in the spiritual world. Nor are angels rewarded for their good deeds on earth. Rather, they enjoy the good fruits of the good things they continue to do in the spiritual world.

          7. One more for now: My general sense so far of what Abhedananda is teaching is that the purpose of our life here is to learn through experience, and that we reach our ultimate divine state through a process of learning everything there is to learn. (This may not be how he would express it, but it is my sense of what he means.) Swedenborg, by contrast, while also stressing the importance of experience and learning, says that our ultimate purpose is to grow into a being who loves God and loves our fellow human beings, in accordance with the two Great Commandments given by Jesus Christ. So instead of seeing heaven as a place where we experience all kinds of pleasures as a reward for our good deeds on earth, Swedenborg sees heaven as a place where we experience joy and satisfaction from living a life of love and service to God and to other angels, spirits, and humans on earth. Short version: Abhedananda’s religious philosophy seems to put the most emphasis on learning and understanding, whereas Swedenborg’s religious philosophy puts the most emphasis on active love and service for others.

          These are some of the major points of agreement and disagreement between Abhedananda and Swedenborg that I’ve noticed so far in reading the Swami’s lectures. And though I agree with Swedenborg rather than with Abhedananda on the points of difference, I am still enjoying the Swami’s lectures, and find much that is good in them.

          I hope this is helpful to you. If there is anything specific you are wondering about that I haven’t covered here, or that you want to hear more about, please feel free to ask.

  14. Daniel L. Miller says:

    I believe you have misread Bible verses Jesus quoted : Matt 22:30 , Mark 12:25 , Luke 20:34-35 AND need to read again until one realize God is eternal and never changes —– God is consistent beginning to end AND in Matt 19:6 ; Mark 10:9, which HIS standard we are never to break or put asunder. This I take forever into eternity.

    • Lee says:

      Hi Daniel,

      Thanks for stopping by, and for your comment. However, I’m not sure just what you mean to say. In what way do you think I’ve misread these verses? What is your view on eternal marriage?

  15. Cameron says:

    Hi lee I’m just curious in heaven do you belive it’s possible for us to have children in heaven or still have sex with your wife as you do on earth and other romantic things with your wife I’m new to this sort of thing so I’m not two sure as I belive it’s one the important things with your wife to bond along with communication?

    • Lee says:

      Hi Cameron,

      Thanks for stopping by, and for your comment and question—which is a good one.

      I see that in the above article I do talk about sexual and romantic love continuing in heaven, but I don’t get too specific about sex itself. So yes, married couples do continue to have sex in heaven just as they do here, only it is even (or much) better, because they are now in the spiritual world, where no earthly concerns and barriers get in the way, and the whole relationship is much clearer and closer than it can be here on earth.

      As you say, sex is an important part of marriage. It is an expression of the closeness the two feel for each other, and a form of emotional communication that can’t take place in any other way. It is a physical expression of the spiritual reality that the two have become one.

      Old, traditional religious ideas would have it that sex is somehow dirty and unspiritual, and that being celibate is somehow more holy and spiritual than being married. In fact, the opposite is the case. A good and loving marriage is much more holy and spiritual than a celibate life.

      God created us from the beginning to be married. The very first commandment God gave to us humans at our first creation in Genesis 1:26–31 was to “be fruitful and multiply.” And it’s a little hard to be fruitful and multiply without having sex! Right from the beginning, God both created and blessed human sexuality. And this was just before God pronounced everything that he had made “very good” (Genesis 1:31).

      Traditional religious notions that sex is something tainted, and not worthy of heaven, are unbiblical and just plain wrong.

      If marriage continues after death, so does sex. For more on this, see the first two articles in this series:

      The second article, in particular, deals with the question of whether married couples in heaven have children. The answer is, “No, not in the usual sense.” New human beings must be born here on earth, and begin life in a physical body before moving on to heaven. So although many people in heaven do raise children who have died and gone to heaven, no new children are born in the spiritual world.

      However, that doesn’t mean marriages in heaven are barren. Instead of physical children, married couples there have spiritual “children” in the form of new births of love and understanding that are conceived grow out of the marriage relationship. For more on this, please see the second article linked above.

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