Here is a Spiritual Conundrum submitted to Spiritual Insights for Everyday Life by “Heart broken and worried”:
Hi Lee
I recently lost my fiancé a month ago we just got engaged on Christmas Eve. We were together for 6yrs and both have been divorced. This all still is taking a toll on me. He was only 39yrs old. The only thing that has brought me any comfort is since I came across your site. I want to thank you for that before I get to my question and I have so many. He and I had the most unbelievable bond and a connection mentally and physically and in every way imaginable not like in either of our previous marriages. We always said we were soulmates and God put us in each other’s lives for a reason. I am completely devastated and feel like more than half of me is gone and my biggest fear I guess really revolves around my question. If we will be able to be together in heaven in the after world and have the intimate relationship like we had here on earth and be able to be intimate in heaven. It was more than physical it felt like a spiritual connection and True Love. I’m doing as much reading as I can do and building my relationship with God and Jesus and just hope that not only will I be able to spend eternity with the Lord but with him the same as it was here but better. I hope you can bring me some comfort at this time.
The Angel of the Divine Presence clothing Adam and Eve with skins, by William Blake
First, I am so sorry to hear about the death of your fiancé. Our thoughts and prayers are with you as you grieve him and miss his presence with you. I’m glad the articles here have given you some help and comfort in assuring you that the two of you will be together again when it comes your time to move on to the spiritual world.
I can also assure you that when you rejoin him in heaven, you will be able to resume your relationship just as it was before, including sexual intimacy, and it will indeed be even better than it was here. That’s because the two of you will be living in the spiritual world, and will have spiritual bodies that can express your oneness of mind and heart in lovemaking even more fully than is possible in our physical bodies here on earth.
Now for a little more background and detail.
God created us as sexual beings
Quick quiz:
What was the very first commandment God gave to human beings?
No, it wasn’t the commandment not to eat from the tree of knowledge of good and evil. That doesn’t come until Genesis 2.
Here it is, from the sixth day of creation in Genesis 1:
So God created humankind in his image,
in the image of God he created them;
male and female he created them.God blessed them, and God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth and subdue it; and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the air and over every living thing that moves upon the earth.” (Genesis 1:27–28, italics added)
Yes, the very first commandment God gave to the male and female human beings that God had just created was, “Be fruitful and multiply.”
And how do we do that?
By having sex!
Contrary to the common but mistaken notion that the Fall of Humankind had something to do with sex, and that sex is inherently tainted with evil, God commanded us to have sex before things went seriously wrong in Genesis 3.
And even before God created woman out of man in Genesis 2, the Bible had already said that God created humankind male and female in the image of God. (On Genesis 1–3 and what they mean for our marriage relationships, please see: “What are the Roles of Men and Women toward Each Other and in Society?” and its follow-up article, “Man, Woman, and the Two Creation Stories of Genesis”)
In other words, sex is not only an integral and good part of God’s original plan, but by being male and female and expressing it physically in the act of sexual intercourse, we are expressing the very nature of God. For more on this, see: “How does Marriage Fit In with a Spiritual Life? Is There Marriage in Heaven?”
We remain sexual beings after death
Now, the things God does are not temporary, but eternal. If God created us male and female from the very beginning, and commanded us to be fruitful and multiply (by having sex), then that is not something temporary; it is permanent.
Jesus himself referred to God’s original plan in this regard when he said:
Have you not read that the one who made them at the beginning “made them male and female,” and said, “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh”? So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no person separate. (Matthew 19:4–6. See also Mark 10:6–9)
Why, then, do some people say that married couples are separated at death? God created us to live forever in heaven. And God created us male and female to be united in marriage. This means that God created us to be married, not just temporarily here on earth, but eternally in heaven.
Contrary to popular belief, Jesus did not say that there is no marriage in heaven. What he said was that people don’t get married in heaven. For a lot more on what this really means, please see these two articles:
Short version: legal marriage as we think of it here on earth does not exist in heaven. There is no need for it, because there is no need for property, inheritance, and other legal rights in heaven. But spiritual marriage continues after death, assuming we have built the type of character here on earth that makes it possible for us to be in a loving marriage.
To put it plainly, from the very beginning God created us male and female, and commanded us (in polite terms) to have sex. That wasn’t a mistake on God’s part. Rather, God creates us as sexual beings, male and female, because that is an essential part of who we are as human beings. And if God created us so that our sexual identity is a core part of our human identity, then we will continue to be male and female, and to be both spiritually and physically attracted to and united with one another, even after death.
Here is how Emanuel Swedenborg (1688–1772) put it:
Love for the other sex, especially, continues after death, and so does marriage love for people who come into heaven. These are the ones who become spiritual on earth. Love for the other sex remains with people after death because then men are still male and women are female, and masculinity in a male is masculine in all of him and in every part of him. The same goes for femininity in a female. And every particular—in fact, every little detail—of them offers union. This disposition to unite has been implanted from creation, so it is always there, and this means that the one yearns and longs to unite with the other.
After all, people were created male and female in this way so that the two of them could be like one person, or one flesh. And when they do become one, taken together they are a complete person. Without this union they are two, and each is like a divided or half person. Now, because this attraction hides deep within each particle of a male and each particle of a female, and because the ability and the drive to join together into one is in each particle, a mutual and reciprocal love for the other sex remains with people after death. (Marriage Love #37)
Yes, there is sex in heaven
If you’re with me so far, you can see that even though the Bible is not a manual on sex and marriage, if we take God’s words and actions about man, woman, marriage, and sex in the Bible seriously, we can see that sex and marriage are not temporary, but eternal parts of who and what we are as human beings.
And that is precisely what Swedenborg reports based on his extensive experience in the spiritual world. (About that experience, see: “Do the Teachings of Emanuel Swedenborg take Precedence over the Bible?”)
Swedenborg reports that because of the mistaken notions of traditional Christianity about sex and marriage, it is common for people who realize they have died and are now in the afterlife to think that they are no longer really male and female, that there will be no more sex, and that they will no longer have sexual organs.
In a story told in Marriage Love #44 two angels assure some young men who had recently arrived in the spiritual world that they are just as much men as they were before:
Two of the newcomers asked whether the human form in heaven is exactly like that in the natural world. The reply was that they are exactly alike, with nothing taken away from the man or from the woman. In short, a man is a man, and a woman is a woman, with all the perfection of form with which they were endowed by creation. “Please step aside and check yourselves over, to make sure you are just as much a man as before.”
But they still weren’t quite sure, so a little later in the conversation:
The three newcomers asked whether married couples in the heavens have the same kind of love as they do on earth. The two angelic spirits replied that it is exactly the same. Then seeing they wanted to know whether the ultimate delights were the same there, they said they were exactly the same, but far more blessed, “because,” they said, “angels’ perception and feeling is much more exquisite than that of human beings.”
Despite the somewhat delicate language of a book on marriage published in the 18th century, the meaning is clear: When we are angels in heaven we continue to make love just as we do here on earth. And because our spiritual body has a heightened sense of touch compared to our physical body, and our mind can fully perceive the sensation and meaning of what our body is experiencing, we can feel and enjoy sex even more intensely than we do here on earth.
And just to be crystal clear, this is not some wispy “spiritualized” substitute for the sexual intercourse that couples share with one another in bed. It is the real thing, exactly as we engage in it with our male and female bodies here on earth, only even better.
Sex is a physical expression of spiritual oneness
For people who have been brought up with traditional notions that sex is somehow unspiritual and dirty, all of this may be just a little hard to accept.
Sex in heaven? Really???
But consider what sex is.
Yes, of course, biologically sexual intercourse is a means of reproducing and continuing the species.
But physically, sexual intercourse is the closest two human beings can get to one another. In the act of having sex, two bodies become as one as it is possible for them to be.
And isn’t this the perfect expression of the oneness that people who are truly married in spirit feel with one another? As the relationship grows, the partners more and more think, live, and love in connection with each other. Their feelings become one. Their thoughts become one. Their lives become one.
This inner and interpersonal oneness is expressed in the physical oneness of sex.
For those who have experienced this full connection, like “Heart broken and worried” whose question sparked this article, sex is not just some incidental add-on to marriage that we can easily leave behind when we die. Rather, it is the ultimate expression of spiritual marriage and true love. Without it, the oneness of marriage would not be complete on all levels.
That’s why it is especially important for those who have experienced true marriage to know that yes, after death God continues to bless soulmates not only with marriage, but with lovemaking that goes beyond anything we have experienced here on earth. When angel partners make love, it fully and joyfully expresses the oneness they feel with each other in their hearts, minds, and lives.
This article is a response to a spiritual conundrum submitted by a reader.
For further reading:
- How does Marriage Fit In with a Spiritual Life? Is There Marriage in Heaven?
- Didn’t Jesus Say There’s No Marriage in Heaven?
- Marriage in the Resurrection: The Deeper Meaning
- Will Happily Married Couples be Together in Heaven?
- Man, Woman, and the Two Creation Stories of Genesis
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Lee Woofenden is an ordained minister, writer, editor, translator, and teacher. He enjoys taking spiritual insights from the Bible and the writings of Emanuel Swedenborg and putting them into plain English as guides for everyday life.
Spiritual Insights for Everyday Life 
Hello, I am glad I found you and your wife. This is the first I have ever read information like this. I have read so many of your articles and boy and I learning. Question…what are we saved from? I read an article about hell and if we are not saved from he’ll eternal torment and the lake of fire which doesn’t exists. I got confused because I thought we were saved from eternal torment. Please help my understanding? Can you explain salvation. I want to hear in your words how a person can be saved? So now two questions How can one be saved and we are saved from what?
Hi Arthie,
Thanks for your comment and question. Glad you’re finding the articles here enlightening!
These are very good questions. I do plan to write an article in the future about what salvation is, and what we’re saved from. Meanwhile, here’s the short version:
When the Bible talks about being saved from the Devil, Satan, hell, the power of the world, and so on, it’s talking in an abstract sense about being saved from evil, and in a pragmatic sense about being saved from pain, suffering, and a miserable life. Not so much from physical and material pain and suffering, though that is also a worthy goal, but from spiritual and psychological pain and suffering that results from living for selfish and materialistic goals and pursuits. The torments of hell and the lake of fire are not literal, but psychological and spiritual. They are the fear, pain, and anguish that inevitably result from living an evil, selfish, and materialistic life. For more on what hell and hellfire really are, see:
Is There Really a Hell? What is it Like?
For example, people whose primary pursuit is money just for the sake of being rich may or may not achieve wealth. But what they will not achieve is any kind of real, lasting happiness and satisfaction in life. More likely they will wreck their relationships with family and friends as they push aside human connections and considerations in favor of financial ones. And they will never be able to get enough money. No matter how much they have, they will always want another million or another billion. Any satisfaction from getting a certain amount of money will be short-lived, and will be quickly replaced with a desire for more. This is one example of the slavery to sin that Jesus spoke of.
Only by realizing that people, and ultimately God, are more important than money can they find any real, lasting satisfaction and happiness in life. Wealthy people who come to realize that serving humanity is more important than amassing more and more wealth commonly spend their later years using their wealth to help people in need. And they find a greater joy in that service to humanity than they ever did in piling up all that wealth.
So in this example, salvation is putting aside money as the primary goal in life, and turning their lives toward serving others as well. This is what Jesus was talking about when he said that the greatest commandments in the law are loving the Lord and loving our neighbor. Putting these at the center of our life is the very definition of salvation.
How are we saved? By transforming our character and life from a self-serving, materialistic, pleasure-seeking one into a life and character focused on serving God and our fellow human beings. Salvation is being reborn as a new person, focused on loving and serving others rather than focused primarily on loving and serving ourselves. This is the only way we can experience real happiness and joy.
For a practical guide on how to go about doing this, please see:
What does Jesus Mean when He Says we Must be Born Again?
For a big-picture view, please see:
Heaven, Regeneration, and the Meaning of Life on Earth
I hope this helps! If you have any more questions as you read, please don’t hesitate to ask.
Thank you so so much! I will review thoroughly. I appreciate you.
Also it says in the Bible death and hell shall be cast in the lake of fire. This is the second death.
maybe inappropriate to ask (adult question…)
but is sex in heaven better because it’s better, or is it actually you feel more passion?
because there i s a girl online who talked about kissing her boyfriend and had an orgasm just from that. but other people can’t orgasm from a direct touch. so in heaven, is the passion/lust enhanced or is the sensation enhanced? b/c in my example, a kiss bringing orgasm requires a lot of passion to make her orgasm, whereas a direct touch not causing orgasm means there is not enough plassion.
it’s a dumb question, i know, but whatever, ignore if you want :p
Hi amai,
Thanks for stopping by, and for your comment and question—which is actually a good one, even if it is R rated. 🙂
The short answer is in heaven, passion (or really, marriage love) and enhanced sensation flow seamlessly together, so that there isn’t a real difference between them.
Here’s a longer answer:
Here on earth, as in the examples you give, passion and enhanced sensation often do go together. People who are highly passionate often physically feel things much more intensely, whereas people who have little passion often don’t experience intimate touch very intensely at all.
However, that is not always the case here on earth. Here we have various blockages that often prevent what’s inside of us from being expressed and felt outwardly and physically. Some people have physical or mental illnesses that prevent them from experiencing things normally and naturally. Some people were mistreated and abused in their childhood and youth, causing emotional blockages that can be very difficult to overcome. And some people grew up in churches and religions that taught or strongly implied that sex is dirty and unspiritual—which makes it hard for them to relax and fully engage in sex even within a faithful, monogamous marriage.
These are only some of the reasons that for many people here on earth, there is a divide between feelings and passions on the one hand, and physical sensations and experiences on the other.
In heaven, once people have gone all the way through their transition period after death (see “What Happens To Us When We Die?”), there are no more blockages preventing what we think and feel inside from being expressed and felt outwardly. Our life becomes a seamless flow from our inner thoughts and feelings to our outward actions, sensations, and experiences.
This means that people who are highly passionate and romantic will sense and feel physical intimacy with their partner very intensely, such that the inner passion and the physical sensation will be a seamless whole.
People who are less passionate and romantic will feel things less intensely, but still much more than they do here, since our spiritual body is inherently more sensitive and expressive than our physical body, and even intellectual types will be able to express their feelings better there.
Only people who consciously and intentionally reject all romantic love and passion will not feel an enhanced sense of oneness and intimacy, and that’s because they are not willing to engage in it in the first place.
And people who are just out for their own pleasure in sex, though they may (or may not) still be able to have sex, will feel nothing of the depth and intensity in their sexual relations that angels in heaven do. (Yes, people who are just out for their own pleasure and care not at all for their partners will be in hell, not in heaven.)
Meanwhile, people who long for closeness and intimacy but cannot engage in it here on earth for various external reasons such as their financial or social situation, physical or mental illness, the lingering effects of mistreatment or abuse, or false religious teachings about sex, love, and marriage will be able to move beyond and heal from all of those blockages, find a partner to love and be loved by in return, and enter into a happy married life in heaven.
I hope this helps.
Hello Lee –
I’m confused about this ANGEL stuff that I keep reading about here…
My catholic faith teaches that a human is a human and an angel is an angel and never the two shall mix, nor become the other. I will never be an angel, nor will an angel ever be a human – well, unless it’s in disguise. And angels do not procreate as humans do – whatever number there are is all there ever will be. So this thinking sends up flags to me that this is heretical teaching.
Also, somewhere in all these readings – and I’ve read most of them – is something about stages a person goes through when they die, and that is another concern for me because my faith teaches there is one of two places that you go when you die – heaven or hell – or purgatory for cleaning up before heaven.
So these stages where people are committing adultery and sleeping around all over the place trying to figure out who they should be with, or if they should be with anyone at all, are where? Sounds like hell to me because it can’t be heaven, and it can’t be the purifying fires of purgatory – that isn’t necessarily literal – so it has to be hell.
And where do our bodies come into play after death – I might have missed that read – because to be human is to be body, soul and spirit, and our resurrected bodies are how we are made complete. A human is like a trinity within itself. Speaking of the Trinity of God – whole other subject that I can get on about…
Enough for now—
Thanks for your speedy replies.
Isabella
Hi Isabella,
Thanks for your further comments. This isn’t a Catholic blog, and its articles do disagree with Catholic teachings on many points. You’ll have to make up your own mind whether you want to accept the teachings of the Catholic Church, and if so, you’ll end out rejecting much of what we teach here.
About angels, the Bible never says that angels are a separate race of beings. Even though Genesis 1 tells about the creation of “the heavens and the earth,” it says nothing about God creating angels. But the Bible does commonly refer to angels as “men.” And the word “angel” in the original Hebrew and Greek of the Bible simply means “a messenger.” There is every indication that the people who were visited by angels thought of themselves an being visited by powerful human beings whom God had sent to them to deliver a message or save them from danger. For more on this, please see:
What is the Biblical Basis for Humans becoming Angels after they Die?
In short, I believe that the Catholic Church is mistaken about angels being a separate race of beings. I believe that all angels were once humans who lived on earth. And as the above-linked article shows, the Bible supports this view much more strongly than the angels as a separate race of beings idea.
About our stages after death, that is simply the preparation for going either to heaven or to hell. The Catholic Church teaches that many people go to purgatory before going to heaven. So even the Catholic Church doesn’t believe everyone goes directly to heaven or hell immediately after death.
About “committing adultery and sleeping around all over the place trying to figure out who they should be with,” maybe some of that does happen, since we come from a mixed up world, and people who first go to the spiritual world are still just as mixed up as they were before they died. But mostly, people commonly get together with previous spouses (if they’ve been married once again), talk to them, and get a sense of whether they belong together. You don’t have to have sex to figure that out, and I’ve never thought of people going through that process as sleeping with everyone they’re thinking might be a possible partner. Also, the longer a person has been there, the more it becomes clear to everyone exactly what sort of person they are. So before too long, it’s possible to tell just by looking at someone whether or not they’re compatible with you.
And about our resurrection body, I believe like Paul, that it is a spiritual body, not a physical body. And yet, a spiritual body is just as solid and real in the spiritual world as a physical body is in the physical world. We do not spend eternity as vague wisps of air, but as solid, substantial human beings living in the spiritual world rather than in the material world as we do during our lifetime on earth.
These are my views, which are reflected and expressed in the articles here. I realize some of this differs greatly from what the Catholic Church teaches. Once again, you’ll ultimately have to make up your own mind what you will believe, and whether you will accept the Catholic Church’s teachings on all of these subjects.
Hi there, i am new to this site and just signed up. I was looking for some answers about intimacy in the afterlife. I am a christian woman, I am a virgin have not fornicated and waiting for God to send me a husband so that I can be happy start a family and be satisfied sexually that I have prayed for. I have had no luck with the opposite sex. Men just seem to want to have fun with me and not serious. And I don’t want to disobey God’s command about premarital sex. So it’s very important to me to know for sure that I will no longer be single when i get to Heaven or on the new Earth, will i still be suffering the sexual urges and have no one and witness other souls in Heaven happy with each other and sexually satisfied? Or will I have a partner of my choice to be with for the rest of eternity?
Hi lookingforlove7,
Thanks for stopping by, and for your comment and questions. Though I don’t take as hard a line on premarital sex as many Christian pastors, I do think your commitment to waiting for marriage is best, even if it can be difficult at times.
As you can see from the above article, I also have very different views about marriage, sex, and the afterlife than is common in traditional Christian churches. About your question, my belief is that God provides eternal marriage partners for all people who sincerely long for a good, loving, and faithful marriage, even if some of us do not find that partner here on earth. For more on this, please see:
Can you Fall in Love in Heaven if you Haven’t Found Someone on Earth?
I hope this is helpful to you. If you have further thoughts or questions, please feel free to leave another comment.
Lee,
Thank you for the insights and clarifications!
I was trying to understand what you meant by though they may (or may not) still be able to have sex in your response to amai.
Did you mean that some hellish spirits suffer from bouts of impotence or frigidity because their sexual choices are focused entirely on pleasure and/or power, and lack a deeper dimension of intimacy and caring? Or do you mean that their sexual actions are hollow and lacking in spiritual content and are therefore sex only in its most superficial sense?
Roger
Hi Roger,
Thanks for stopping by, and for your comment and question.
In response, yes, I mean that some evil spirits become impotent, and uninterested in sex, because of their exclusive focus on their own pleasure. This happens even here on earth to some men (and women) who indulge in such flagrant promiscuity, having sex with as many different partners as they can as often as they can, that eventually they burn out on sex and become impotent, or in the case of women, just become completely uninterested in sex.
This doesn’t happen to all evil spirits. Only to those who are flagrant in their evil desires, thoughts, and actions. Ordinary evil spirits whose sins were not sexual, or whose sins were not horribly wicked and devious, do often continue to have sex—though it is, as you say, hollow and lacking in any spiritual content. The sexual relations they have are more like animal mating than like making love. Picture, for example, a man and a woman cohabiting with each other for a shorter or longer time, fighting with each other all the time either verbally or physically or both, then being seized with sexual desire and taking their pleasure with each other, with no thought whatsoever of whether they are giving pleasure to the other person.
Wait! So if a person’s only evil desire was self gratification they won’t get it in Hell or will become uninterested in it?
Hi Ray,
In general, people who engage in flagrant sexual evil such as rape, molestation, serial adultery, and so on will reach a point in the spiritual world where they have burned out their sexuality and become cold and uninterested in sex—if that hasn’t already occurred here on earth.
Does that mean they have other vices or they’ll just spend an eternity forever isolated and miserable?
PS: Apologies for asking so many questions, but wow for some reason this has really grabbed my attention today and it is also fascinating learning how even in Heaven and Hell, there’s some fluidity to how people live their lives.
Hi Ray,
No problem about the questions. That’s what we’re here for. Here are a few articles that talk more about everyday life in heaven and hell. Perhaps you’ll find them enlightening:
Hi Ray,
There are indeed evil spirits in hell who are very miserable. That’s not because God is punishing them for their sins, but because they themselves have burned out their own life and spirit so much that there’s not a whole lot left. They still seek out whatever pleasure they can, but it’s very limited and fleeting. Hell really isn’t a good choice.
I read the article about hell months ago, and I think I know how rapists and molesters in hell will satisfy their lusts in Hell. Rape is about sex and power. If the sex aspect is gone (is it taking away?), then that just leaves the power aspect, which we know they’ll try to get only to fail. Serial cheaters just came to me. It’s their selfishness that lands them in Hell. They don’t lose their selfish nature just cause they don’t have a sex drive, and likely pick up a new purpose where they are. I hesitated to call it hobby or interest cause it’s more of a purpose. In Hell, desires that overtook a person’s being whole being become their purpose since it’s the only thing that matters to them.
Hi Ray,
In general people in hell are motivated either by love of dominating others from love of self (which is where the worst human evils come from) or by a love of worldly possessions and pleasures. Sexual predation in its worst form is indeed about dominating and humiliating the other person or people. In its milder form it is about getting pleasure for oneself without regard to the pleasure or well-being of the other person.
In the spiritual world, both of these will tend to burn themselves out. But the person will still seek power and pleasure for himself or herself, in whatever way is possible. People on earth who burn themselves out sexually and become impotent don’t stop seeking pleasure and a sense of power for themselves. They just have to accomplish it in ways other than engaging in sexual intercourse.
Is sex the same way as it is here on Earth where the p enters the v or is it more just physically embracing and kissing.
Hi Ray,
No, it is not just physically embracing and kissing. The p does enter the v. It is exactly the same as on earth only better, because spiritual bodies are more expressive, responsive, and sensitive than physical bodies. The oneness of mind between the two is perfectly expressed in the oneness of body that is lovemaking.
From physical to spiritual, from Earth to Heaven, is like Windows 7 Home Basic to Professional, Enterprise, or Ultimate? Or Windows 10 Home to Pro? Server 2008 R2 Foundation to Standard or Enterprise? Or model airplane to real airplane? Or baby’s milk to actual solid food? Or teaser trailer to movie? HTML link to actual site? C.S. Lewis’ comparison was poor. Because having sex doesn’t mean abandoning chocolate. Just both are not done simultaneously. I also thought of quintessential love like yesterday. Besides the four types of love in Greek of which storage is not in the Bible and Eros is not in the New Testament. Quintessential love is not the same thing as the fifth force speculation in fundamental physics. And besides family, friendship, and romantic, I thought of quintessential relationships.
Hi WorldQuestioner,
I think going from earth to heaven is like going from Microsoft products to some heavenly software that does everything you want it to do easily and seamlessly without patronizing you and tapping your wallet as often a possible. 😛
I’m guessing the only pleasure felt in Hell is the Earthly pleasures, meaning that sex will only feel like it does on Earth, so they won’t know what they are missing because they never experienced what it is like to have Heavenly sex for lack of a better word.
Hi Ray,
Yes, I would agree with that. In hell there is no marriage and no oneness of minds between two people. Everyone in hell loves himself or herself more than anyone else, and is therefore incapable of loving another person in anything but the most physical sense of “love.” Sex there, if it happens at all, is promiscuous and unfaithful. It is not viewed any differently than mating between animals. More likely, it is outright exploitative as each tries to get pleasure and benefits for him- or herself at the expense of the other. In the lower (more evil) levels of hell, sex ceases altogether. The people there are cold and frigid toward others. They lose all desire and ability to engage in any kind of sexual union.
It’s not sex I seek, but the companionship of the women I love. Through circumstances, we found each other when we were older and not beautiful as we were when we were young. I feel cheated because others did not give her the respect she deserved. We both would have loved each other if circumstances were different. I hope this makes sense to somebody!
My fiancé passed away on March 24th. He had a rough life and we only had a year and half together while he was here on earth. I know God and Jesus saved him and that he is in Heaven now. My question after reading this and other articles, is he waiting for me up there?
And does our love continue? We both talked about how we feel we are each other’s soulmate. A pastor told me that my fiancé loves me even more now because he is in Heaven.
And I’m a bit confused on how you could possibly know beyond a shadow of a doubt that there’s sex up there. Heaven isn’t a big orgy, is it?
If we felt in our hearts that we are soulmates, that continues for eternity, doesn’t it? I never meant any rudeness by that last comment. It’s just been such a sad time and some of this puzzles me.
Hi Taylor,
I’m so sorry to hear about the death of your fiancé. It’s especially hard when you’ve hardly had a chance to develop the relationship before the one you love is taken away from you.
If the two of you are indeed soulmates, then yes, he will be waiting for you. People whose souls are united into one are not separated even by death. Their love continues even while they are separated by the veil of death, and it is rekindled and becomes even stronger when they reunite in heaven. See: “Will Happily Married Couples be Together in Heaven?” (I know you weren’t married yet, but the same principle applies.)
Knowing for certain is the hard part. That’s how our faith is tested here on this earth, where there is so much doubt and darkness to contend with. I won’t try to sugar-coat it. You will have many doubts to face and struggle against in the months and years to come. I can only say to hold fast to what you do know and believe, and to your God-given integrity as a person, because that’s what will carry you through.
Yes, there is sex in heaven, and no, heaven isn’t a big orgy.
First of all, people in heaven are in faithful, loving, monogamous marriages (unless they’ve absolutely committed themselves to remaining celibate), so there is no sleeping around. In fact, people in heaven have no desire whatsoever to have sex with anyone but their own partner in marriage. The very thought of it fills them with horror. The two of them are united in heart, mind, and body. The last thing they want to do is to break and destroy that union.
Nor do angels hang around in bed having sex all day. They have work to do, just as we do here. So they go about their day, do their job, which they love to do, and then enjoy some R&R, just as we do here. And when their day of work and play is over, they are free to spend their time together as they like. And just as here, couples who are one in spirit especially love to express that oneness through the physical oneness that is sexual intercourse. That is when their love for one another and their oneness with each other feels most complete.
Here is one more article about love and marriage that may also help:
How does Marriage Fit In with a Spiritual Life? Is There Marriage in Heaven?
I hope these thoughts and the linked articles are helpful to you. Meanwhile, our thoughts and prayers are with you.
Hello Lee,
Do you consider pre-marital sex to be sinful?
Is this activity not direct disobedience to Jesus?
I was taught that it is an affront to God and should not be considered “OK” to engage in repeatedly prior to marriage.
Would love a truthful answer from you, because this thread originated with he celebration of fornication, and your decision to not confront it head on is itself a sign of the times.
I am very fearful of God, and strongly believe that when I am sinning I am outside of his will.
Yours in Christ,
Peter.
Hi Peter,
Thanks for stopping by, and for your comment and question. In answer to your question, please see this article:
Is Sex Before Marriage Forbidden in the Bible?
If, after reading it, you want to continue the conversation, please use the comments section on that article. Thanks.
Lee you are misleading people. Nowhere in the Bible does it say anything about people having sex in heaven. That is false teaching. No one is married in heaven. Your spouse or lovers will just be other people in heaven. Perhaps that’s your personal fantasy however, there will be far more exciting and stimulating things besides copulation. Stop misleading people. Im curious your stance on homosexuals. They are in direct rebellion to God’s authority. I have a hard time believing practicing homosexuals are saved.
Hi 3rd Infantry,
Thanks for stopping by, and for your comment.
However, nowhere in the Bible does it say that people will not have sex in heaven. And considering that God’s very first commandment to human beings in the Bible is to “be fruitful and multiply” (Genesis 1:28), which means having sex; and also considering that Jesus said, “What God has joined together, let no one separate” (Matthew 19:6), and we know that “whatever God does lasts forever” (Ecclesiastes 3:14), it is exceedingly unlikely that God would contradict God’s own eternal commandments by causing humans not to be joined together as one flesh in heaven.
Further, contrary to centuries of false teaching in the so-called Christian Church, Jesus did not say there is no marriage in heaven. He said people don’t get married in the afterlife. There’s a big difference! For more on this, please see:
Didn’t Jesus Say There’s No Marriage in Heaven?
Jesus also did not teach that celibacy is preferable to marriage as some Christians erroneously believe. Quite the contrary! See:
Didn’t Jesus Say it’s Better to be Celibate than Married?
If you think of sexual intercourse as mere “copulation,” then that is a very physical-minded view of sex. Anyone who has been in a real, spiritual marriage can tell you that making love is far more than mere animal “copulation.” It is the full physical expression of the inner oneness that God gave the married couple when God joined them together in marriage, and declared that they are no longer two, but one flesh (Matthew 19:4–6).
Ministers who teach, with no sound biblical basis whatsoever, that there is no marriage and no sex in heaven are laying heavy burdens, hard to bear on married couples who have experienced the full measure of God-given marriage. These so-called “Christian” ministers are the ones who are misleading people, and causing great pain and sorrow for husbands and wives whom God has joined together.
About homosexuality, please see this article, which takes up the subject in great detail:
Homosexuality, the Bible, and Christianity
You are a very gifted writer! I have never heard this topic explained so well before ..or even addressed for that matter. So many people have a fear of God…fear of being in trouble…or punishment for some sin. I used to be one of those people. Very fearful of my place with God. However as I have experienced more and more of life…family….children.. divorce … I can see the tender mercies when looking back. What really made me see this idea clearly was finding my soulmate after a 16 yr long terrible marriage before. We finally found each other …it was magnetic and electric from day one. Love at first sight truly we have been together now 6 yrs and I finally know what it’s like to feel this way about someone else. He is my very best friend. I will NOT be parted from him EVER AGAIN and can truly appreciate this love because I lived without it for so long…yet yearned desperately for more. I can imagine us together in beautiful body with perfect hair..and teeth and he in all his masculine beauty…how wonderful it will be…how happy and loving. I can’t wait for that truly.
Your article touched me and I will be back to your blog! Thank you💝
Hi Patricia,
Thanks for stopping by, and for your kind and lyrical words.
Yes, all of this will happen. God is loving, and will give us so much joy, fulfillment, and pleasure that it will fill us from heart to skin. A God who loves us with infinite love could do nothing else. Only if we reject God through living a selfish and greedy life will this not happen. And even then God allows us to experience our pleasures as much as possible, given that they are self-limiting.
But for those who let God into their hearts and minds, and love God and their fellow human beings as the Lord commanded us to do, the words of the Psalm come true:
Thank you
Hey, me again. Interesting article but you said stuff about becoming an Angel and in 1 Thessalonians 4:13-18 it talks about you being given a new and perfect body. Won’t we just be really enhanced humans, rather then Angels. I’m not sure where you got the view that we become and Angel (do you have a verse that I’ve missed?) but I’m not too sure how true it is.
But yeah I agree that it makes sense about sex I’m heaven, thanks for the article.
Hi Joseph,
Thanks. Glad you’re enjoying the articles here.
My view is that angels are not a separately created race of beings (something that the Bible never says), but rather are human beings who have gone on to live in heaven. For more on this, please see:
What is the Biblical Basis for Humans becoming Angels after they Die?
Interesting article.
What do you think will happen to single people who have never been married (but have desired to be married on earth) when they get to Heaven?
Do you think they will they have the opportunity to experience that kind of intimacy?
Before I became a Christian 10+ years ago I had long term relationships outside of marriage with non-Christians or nominal Christians.
Been single since…
Hi Paul,
Thanks for stopping by, and for your comment and question.
The short answer is that people who long for a loving, faithful, committed marriage but have not been able to get married here on earth will meet their partner and get married when they reach the spiritual world after death, before they move on to their final home in heaven. God provides a partner for everyone who longs for one, and who does the personal work of becoming a good and thoughtful person. (People who don’t do that work don’t have the necessary character to be in a good and stable marriage.)
For the long answer, please see this article:
Can you Fall in Love in Heaven if you Haven’t Found Someone on Earth?
If you have any further thoughts or questions as you read, please don’t hesitate to leave another comment.
Hi Lee,
Thank you for your reply and the link.
I appreciate it.
Best regards
Paul
Hi Paul,
You are most welcome. I hope it is helpful.
What do you make of the objections to eternal marriage, not simply levirate marriage, in these articles? https://www.epm.org/resources/2010/Jan/6/do-you-think-it-possible-new-earth/ https://www.desiringgod.org/articles/matrimony-no-more Is there any evidence for the intended meaning of what Jesus said to the sadducees that contradicts the possibility that he meant there won’t be married couples, and therefore elimination of sexual desire and attraction?
Hi Eric,
Thanks for the links. I’ll respond to the two articles in separate comments.
Most, if not all, of the rhetorical questions that Randy Alcorn asks in the first-linked article are answered in these articles here:
There are a few other relevant articles linked at the end of these ones. Since I’ve already answered all of those questions, I won’t repeat the answers here.
The key error in Alcorn’s article is contained in this quote:
Alcorn sees that Jesus is saying that earthly partnerships don’t continue in the resurrection. His whole article is based on the premise that earthly marriages don’t translate into heavenly marriages. He thinks that earthly marriages are God-given, when in fact many of them are merely human-made.
What Alcorn doesn’t see is that marriage in heaven is not based on earthly marriages that are about literally becoming one flesh (i.e., having sex) and bearing children. Marriage in heaven is also not determined by whether a priest, minister, or Justice of the Peace declares two people one in marriage. And it is not based on whether a couple is legally, ecclesiastically, or socially recognized as a married couple. None of these things matter in the least in the spiritual world. The Sadducees were in error because they had the mistaken notion that earthly marriage would determine heavenly marriage.
Alcorn makes the very same mistake that the Sadducees made. He thinks that earthly marriage determines spiritual marriage. And he thinks that since it would be impossible, for example, for a woman who has been married to seven husbands here on earth to be married to them in heaven, therefore there can be no marriage in heaven.
Both the Sadducees and Alcorn have an earthly, physical-minded view of marriage. They think that earthly marriage is the only kind of marriage that exists. Therefore they reject marriage in the afterlife because the conditions of marriage here on earth don’t exist in the afterlife. All of this is covered in the first two articles I linked just above.
The reality is that earthly marriage does not continue in the spiritual world. Only spiritual marriage does. And spiritual marriage has nothing to do with whether a person was joined in legal or religious marriage by human beings here on earth. Rather, it is based on whether a couple has been joined together in spirit by God. It is what God joins together, not what humans join together, that no human being is to separate (Matthew 19:4–6). And God makes marriages of the spirit, not mere earthly, legal, and physical marriages.
In response to the Sadducees, Jesus said not only that they were in error because they did not know the scriptures, but also that they were in error because they did not know the power of God (Matthew 22:29). Alcorn, also, does not know the power of God. He thinks that God is constrained by the marriages we humans make here on earth, and that if our human-made marriages don’t continue in heaven, then there can be no marriage in heaven at all. And he clearly doesn’t believe God joins people in marriage, because he believes that all marriages will be put asunder. He therefore rejects both the scriptures and the power of God when it comes to marriage. Alcorn is violating the Lord’s own commandment that what God has joined together, no human being is to separate.
God is not dependent upon human institutions and human marriages. God joins together the hearts and minds of two people, regardless of our human marriage licenses and wedding ceremonies and human social and religious recognition that make an earthly marriage. The marriages that will continue in the spiritual world are the marriages that God joins together, whereas the earthly marriages that we humans have made here on earth will cease to exist unless there is also a God-made marriage of hearts and minds between the two people.
Hi Eric,
My first reaction to the second article you linked, by John Piper, is that his claim that the end of marriage in eternity is good news will ring hollow for people who have experienced the deep human connection of spiritual marriage. He promises some vague undefined joy that will be greater than the joy of marriage, without giving any conception of what that joy will be, or why we should accept his word on this. No matter how hard he labors to convince us that there is some undefined thing in heaven that is greater than marriage, those who have experienced true marriage love will continue to find his rejection of eternal marriage to be a sorrowful and painful thing.
In short, Piper is laying heavy burdens, hard to bear, on people who have experienced true love, or who long for it.
Piper seems to think that the joys we have in heaven will have no relationship whatsoever to the joys we have here on earth. He is asking us to believe that nothing we experience here on earth translates into anything that we experience in heaven. According to Piper, God is just going to erase everything we have done or experienced here on earth, and substitute entirely different things of which we have had no prior experience at all.
If Piper is right, then God is putting us through a colossal waste of time here on earth. Why have us go through all sorts of learning and growing experiences here on earth that have nothing to do with anything we will be doing and experiencing in heaven? It would be like putting children and teenagers through twelve or sixteen years of school, and then, when they graduate and become adults, telling them, “Nothing you’ve learned in school has anything to do with what you will be doing as adults.” The whole idea is ludicrous.
Piper’s examples confirm that he is thinking that life in the spiritual world as something that has no relationship whatsoever with our life here on earth. For example, he says:
But that is comparing apples and oranges. Here, in contrast to Piper’s false analogy, is the analogy that should be made:
When children become adults, they don’t stop eating ice cream and have sex instead. Rather, they leave behind their primary relationship with their parents, and have their primary relationship with their spouse instead. As children, they (ideally) had a relationship of love with their parents, and this was a good relationship. As adults, they have a relationship with their wife or husband, and this is a far greater relationship. That is why God has us leave behind, not ice cream (which we can continue to enjoy as adults), but rather living in the house of our father and mother, for the far greater relationship of living together with our partner in marriage.
God did not put us here on earth and give us various relationships and experiences only to yank all of them away from us after death, and substitute something entirely different. Rather, here on earth God gives us earthly versions of all of the same things we will be doing in heaven. And people who are spiritually minded can experience something of what these earthly experiences and relationships will be like in heaven.
The traditional Christian idea of heaven is that we will spend eternity in rapturous contemplation of God. This is based on a literal reading of visions in the book of Revelation that picture various creatures and multitudes of human beings all arrayed around the throne of God. However, the visions recorded in the book of Revelation were never meant to be taken literally. (See: “Is the World Coming to an End? What about the Second Coming?”) They are symbolic and metaphorical visions meant to convey spiritual meanings to readers whose eyes are opened to see them. Unfortunately, today’s biblical literalists are focused on the letter that kills rather than on the spirit that gives life.
It is true that in heaven everyone is arrayed around God as a common center. But that doesn’t mean all they do is worship and pray all day. Rather, they live active lives of love and service to one another just as we are meant to do here on earth, all the while turning to God as the center and source of everything they have, everything they do, and everything they are.
Just as our eighteen or twenty years of growing up as an infant, then a child, then a teenager, prepare us for our life as an adult, so our threescore and ten years here on earth prepare us for living in the spiritual world. Children and teens are continually engaged in many activities that they will be engaging in as adults, only it is mostly practice rather than doing the real thing. Once we reach adulthood, we begin to actually do the sorts of things we played at and practiced as children. If we liked to build things, now we’ll be building houses for people to live in. If we liked to think about things, now we’ll be teaching those subjects to children, teens, or adults. If we liked to play cops and robbers, now we’ll become police officers protecting others from criminals. And so on.
Piper is mistaken about heaven in general, and about marriage in heaven, because he thinks that heaven is going to be something that has no relationship whatsoever to anything we’ve ever experienced here on earth. He thinks God is going to take away everything we’ve experienced and learned here on earth, and replace it with something completely different.
But that’s not how God, or heaven, works. God gives us an apprenticeship here on earth so that we can practice the things we will be doing to eternity in heaven. That apprenticeship includes human relationships such as marriage.
What is true is that all of the things we do and experience here on earth, including marriage, will be far greater in heaven than they are here on earth. We will then be in our spiritual bodies, living in the spiritual world, unconstrained by our heavy physical bodies and by the dead and unresponsive nature of physical matter. For people who have had real marriages here on earth, marriage in heaven will so far surpass what they have experienced here on earth that they will indeed think of it as being all new (see Revelation 21:5).
However, this doesn’t mean marriage will be an entirely different thing in heaven than what it is for spiritually married people here on earth. Rather, it means that good marriages here on earth will be raised to a whole new level in heaven, just as everything else we do and experience here on earth will be raised to a whole new level in heaven.
When little kids play house, it can be a lot of fun. But actually being a married couple living in your own home is a whole order of magnitude greater than our games as children. Playing house looks forward to actually being married and making a home together with a husband or wife. It has many of the same elements in rudimentary form, but it is not the same as what young adults experience when they get married and make a home with their partner in marriage. In the very same way, the marriages we have here on earth will be raised to a whole new level in the spiritual world.
In short, Piper’s primary error is in not understanding the relationship between our life here on earth and our life in heaven. Piper thinks that heaven will be something completely unrelated to our life here on earth. The reality is that heaven takes our life here on earth and raises it to a whole new spiritual level. This includes marriage, which is the closest and deepest interpersonal relationship (as compared to our relationship with God) that we humans are capable of.
Our life here on earth is a preparation for our life in heaven. Everything we do and everything we experience and all of the relationships we engage in are preparations for the spiritual and heavenly versions of those same things. When we arrive in heaven, like the little children who played house and then grew up to experience the reality as adults, we will begin to experience the far greater spiritual reality of everything we have done and all of the relationships we have experienced on earth, including the relationship of marriage.
Hi Eric,
Thanks again for the links. I have just posted an edited and expanded version of my responses to the articles here:
Marriage in Heaven: A Response to Randy Alcorn and John Piper
lee, have you visited heaven? you really sound like you know. I really hope everything you are saying is true.
Hi angel,
No, I have not visited heaven, though I have felt the presence of angels. However, I’ve read the accounts of many people who have visited heaven, and have talked to some personally. Especially, I have read the writings of Emanuel Swedenborg, who spent the last twenty-seven years of his life visiting the spiritual world on an almost daily basis. For more on Swedenborg and his writings, see:
Do the Teachings of Emanuel Swedenborg take Precedence over the Bible?
And for his book on the spiritual world, which is the most detailed account of the afterlife ever written, see:
Heaven and Hell, by Emanuel Swedenborg
I have no serious doubts that what I am saying here is true. Of course, you’ll have to consider all of this for yourself, and make up your own mind.
How does this good news apply to those, like me, in a poor marriage? We have hurt each other, and I feel used. Though we have grown allot I confess I do not love my spouse. What hope do I have for better in Eternity?
Thank you for your time and your article. In reading Swedenborg and other articles on the subject of sex and love after death.
Hi Robert,
Thanks for stopping by, and for your comment and question.
About your marriage, though it is a hard cross to bear in this life, don’t despair! If there is not mutual love in the marriage, that is not a marriage that God has joined together. Such marriages may be legally and socially binding in this world, but in the spiritual world legal marriage does not exist because none of the circumstances that require it exist there. On this, please see:
Didn’t Jesus Say There’s No Marriage in Heaven?
In this world, if as the years pass there is still no mutual love in your marriage, you may have to stick with it anyway for legal, financial, family, or social reasons. But in the other life none of those external considerations have any bearing. The institution of marriage as people commonly think of it here on earth does not exist there. Instead, there is a union of minds between two people who are one in spirit. If your earthly spouse is not the person you are one in spirit with, that (external) marriage will cease to exist in heaven. Instead, you will find the person that you are one in spirit with, and will live happily with that person to eternity. (This assumes that during your lifetime here on earth you do the work of becoming a good, thoughtful, and loving person who can live in heaven.)
For an article that covers some of this ground, but based on a different marital situation, please see:
If You’ve been Married More than Once, Which One will you be With in the Afterlife?
I hope this helps. If, as you read, you have more thoughts or questions, please feel free to comment again. Meanwhile, our thoughts and prayers are with you.
Hi Lee,
I really enjoy and find great peace and comfort in all of your articles. I have a quick question, I lost my absolute soulmate to suicide. He was driven to his great depths of depression by his father and uncle who psychologically abused him and that his relationship would not be tolerated. He had been married twice before, with three children, so trying to be heterosexual was not from a lack of trying.
I live each day in the hope that we will be reunited for eternity in heaven. While we were never “married” in the legal sense (although I had asked him to marry me before this happened), I’m not sure what this means in the spiritual sense. All I know is that we love each other in the way Jesus taught; unconditionally.
What is to happen to us?
Hi Peter,
So sorry to hear about your soulmate’s suicide. That is a hard thing to suffer, especially given the difficult circumstances of his life.
The fact that you didn’t get married here on earth won’t make much difference in the afterlife. There, marriage is not a legal or social institution, but is an inner union of minds.
Given that homosexuality seems to be a basic, unchangeable element of a gay or lesbian person’s character, I tend to believe that it will continue after death, and that same-sex couples will be able to live together there eternally just as straight couples do. Honestly, I am not certain of this, but I don’t see how else it could work. I do not believe God would deprive people of love and companionship just because they happen to be gay. Our sexual orientation is not something we choose, nor is it something we can change. And a loving God would not deny us love due to a circumstance that is beyond our control.
My opinion, then, is that you and others in a similar situation will be able to rejoin the one you love, and have a happy life together.
Jesus Christ Directly said, ” There IS NO marriage or given in marriage in heaven but are as the angels of God.” God is the God of the Living NOT of the Death”. This means there is NO sexuality of physical pleasures such as we have on earth. We will be so pure and our souls and spirits in our new bodies will have sinless pleasure eternally without physical contacts of carnality. These is sex in hell with sadomasochistic tortures from demons. That is where the pit of carnality will fall and be cast into the lake of fire.
Hi Paul,
Thanks for stopping by, and for your comment.
However, contrary to popular belief, Jesus did not say there is no marriage in heaven. He said people don’t get married in heaven. There’s a big difference! See:
Didn’t Jesus Say There’s No Marriage in Heaven?
As for the rest of what you say about sex in the afterlife, none of that is in the Bible, so it may be the opinion of some Christians, but it is not Christian or biblical teaching.
This may be a crude question, but in Conjugal Love, does “virgin” mean lack of coitus? In one part, angels say the love virgins “intensely, yet chastely.”
Hi K,
Yes, “virgins” in Swedenborg generally means, in less crude language, a sexually inexperienced person. In heaven, that would mean anyone who grew up in heaven. Premarital sex isn’t really a thing there. And “love” in that context is not romantic or sexual love, but love for the young woman as a person, which includes her female nature. Occasionally Swedenborg also uses the word “virgin” to refer to young men.
Thanks for the reply. The reason I asked is because in the modern world, some may say that various “foreplay acts” also mean not virgin anymore, but I guess as applicable to Earth, Swedenborg – back in the 1700s – meant what Earth dwellers nowadays may call “technically a virgin” when referring to virgin.
Hi K,
If it’s about virgins in heaven, there isn’t going to be “everything but” either. So not just technical virgins, but people who haven’t engaged in any kind of sex act. This is assuming they had died in early childhood.
I guess what I’m also asking is, if someone on Earth fooled around but didn’t do it before marriage, they’re still a virgin from a New Church perspective – especially if they regret it?
Hi K,
If you haven’t had sex, you’re a virgin. If you “fooled around” but didn’t “do it,” then you’re still a virgin.
The thing about “fooling around,” or getting sexually intimate with someone, is that it’s foreplay. In the natural course of events, it will lead to having sex. People may stop themselves, or may stop the other person from proceeding, for various reasons. But if it is allowed to run its course, it will lead to sexual intercourse. Most people who fool around and think they aren’t going to have sex are just fooling themselves. If you don’t want to have sex, it’s best not to start down that road.
And yes, if you started down that road, but then realized it was a mistake, and make a decision not to do it anymore, then you’re still a virgin, and you can move forward from there. This earth is a place of shades of grey. No one reaches adulthood without having done some things he or she regrets. It’s not what you did in the past, but what you’re doing in the present that matters.
From a New Church perspective, it’s not that if you have sex before marriage, God is going to send you to hell. Rather, it’s that if relationships start from the physical (having sex) rather than from the spiritual (forming an inner friendship and relationship), they have two strokes against them from the start. Here are two articles that cover these issues in more detail:
I hope this helps.
Could you post a comment on https://www.whatchristianswanttoknow.com/will-there-be-marriage-and-sex-in-heaven/?
Have you heard of Genesis 6:1-5? Why didn’t you reference it?
Hi WorldQuestioner,
As I said in reply to your other recent comment (here), I am not going to go to another pastor’s blog and disrupt it by telling him he’s wrong and getting into an argument with him there. However, there are many errors his article, based on unbiblical doctrines and on a physical-minded view of marriage in which reproduction is seen as the only purpose for sex and marriage.
About Jesus’ statement on marriage in the resurrection, please see this article:
Didn’t Jesus Say There’s No Marriage in Heaven?
Contrary to what many traditional Christians say, Jesus did not say that there is no marriage in heaven.
Genesis 6:1–5 is an interesting one for supporting the idea that heavenly beings can and do have sex. If the “sons of God” (usually interpreted as angels) were able to father children with the daughters of human beings, clearly they were capable of having sex, and did have sex.
However, I view those early chapters of the Bible as being symbolic, like the parables of Jesus, not literal. And even among people who take the Bible literally, there is some debate about exactly who or what the “sons of God” are.
Still, it’s a good passage. Thanks for bringing it up.
Lee,
My wife of 48 years and best friend / trusted pal / lover of 57 years went to heaven 4 weeks ago ( 2/22/2021). I’m so very lost. Your articles brought me peace. My major concern was when I die will I be with her for eternity. I love her beyond anything. This event has made care nothing for life or stuff. I no longer fear death. I am ready to go when God’s purpose here for me is complete. Am I looking at this correctly? I agree with your writings.
Hi Will,
I’m sorry to hear about your wife’s death. It sounds like you had a good, long life together here on earth, and built an inner oneness that death cannot sever. There is just this unfortunate gap between the death of one partner and the death of the other. In the eternal scheme of things, it is a mere blink of an eye. But while we’re going through it, it can feel very long and heavy indeed.
Yes, I do think you are looking at it correctly, and I’m glad my articles here have helped you in this. Nothing can take away the loneliness of being separated from our love. But at least we can know that it is only a temporary situation. When our work is done here on earth, we can rejoin the one we love, and resume our married life together. And it will be even better and closer than it was here on earth.
Meanwhile, our thoughts and prayers are with you.
Hello, I know its somewhat a stupid question… but Im curious about how often do you think we will be able to have sex? Because I love my grilfriend and I really enjoy IT(sex) with her… I know that i will also have to do some work but Im just curious… I would like to give her as much pleasure as I can.
Thanks for the answer:)
Hi Jozef,
In heaven you will be an adult. You don’t have to ask permission to do things. You and your wife (you’ll be married there) will be able have sex however often you want to.
Thank for the reply… I understand that i will be an adult, but you also mentioned, that I will also have to do some work and also that heaven isnt some orgy place (sorry for my English I dont know how to explain it) so thats why Im asking how often I can have sex with my girlfriend.
Hi Jozef,
Yes, people in heaven do have jobs. But it’s not because they have to. It’s because they want to. They get their greatest joy and satisfaction from doing good things for other people. They get up in the morning looking forward to their work. Then, when their workday is over, they have plenty of time for rest, relaxation, and other activities. See:
Who Are the Angels and How Do They Live?
No, heaven isn’t an “orgy place.” It is very monogamous. People in heaven can’t imagine having sex with anyone else but their husband or wife.
Within marriage though, just as here on earth, they can have sex whenever they want to, and as often as they want to. There are no rules about that. People in heaven are free to live the way they want to live, because they want to live good lives. And sex between two people who love each other and are one in mind and spirit is a good thing.
I also heard some story about chocolate, little boy and sex…. it is about that a small boy cannot imagine sex being better than chocolate and that we as adults cant imagine heaven without sex, but the man, who was the author of the story was claiming that there wont be sex in heaven because there will be far better things and that makes me really worried:( I believe that in heaven there will be better thing than sex, but I also want to have sex in heaven and it makes me worried and depresse:( Please ensure me:(
Hi Jozef,
That “chocolate” analogy runs the rounds in traditional Christian circles. And it makes no sense at all. I’ve already dealt with the “ice cream” version of it in another article, which I invite you to read for your answer:
Marriage in Heaven: A Response to Randy Alcorn and John Piper
Have you seen https://www.gotquestions.org/marriage-heaven.html and https://www.gotquestions.org/?
Would you ask a question on GotQuestions.org? https://www.gotquestions.org/Bible-Questions.html
Everytime I ask a question on GotQuestions about marriage, sex, and romance in heaven, they deny that there is sex and marriage and romance in heaven. Even reliable writers.
Hi WorldQuestioner,
I have read many pages at gotquestions.org. They have the same unbiblical and false fundamentalist Protestant views as other similar websites.
This particular page makes the same mistake as all the others: It confuses the act of getting married with the state of being married. Jesus didn’t say there was no marriage in heaven. He said people don’t get married in the resurrection. But gotquestions, like other Protestant sites of its ilk, engages in a sloppy and inaccurate reading of the Bible that reads more into it than it reads out of it. Its material is not very useful in learning what the Bible itself teaches.
But I’ve already covered that particular issue in several previous articles, including:
Didn’t Jesus Say There’s No Marriage in Heaven?
Marriage in Heaven: A Response to Randy Alcorn and John Piper
Marriage in Heaven: A Response to Jack Wellman
And no, I have no interest in going to that website and asking a question. They would give me the same answer they gave you. They are the blind leading the blind. They are not interested in seeing the light, because they think they already have it.
Don’t they say “the appetites and desires of this world will give way to infinitely higher and more gratifying delights in the world to come”?
Hi WorldQuestioner,
Yes, traditional Christians say this. But it’s not particularly biblical. It’s just their opinion.
Having said that, even marriage itself is “infinitely higher and more gratifying” in heaven than it is here on earth. And sex, too. Sex and marriage among people who are spiritually married in heaven go far beyond what we can experience here on earth. That’s because they are living in the spiritual world, in their spiritual bodies, rather than in the material world in their material bodies.
Hi there. I was wondering: do some angels have a higher sex drive and others have a lower sex drive, like it is with people here on Earth? Or do things get a bit more balanced in the spiritual world?
Hi Rod,
Interesting question.
Keep in mind that even though angels do have bodies, and their bodies have every part, organ, and cell that our physical bodies have, their bodies are not physical bodies, but spiritual bodies. They are not made of physical matter, but of spiritual substance. This means that biology as we know it here on earth does not apply to them.
In the spiritual world, everything appears, subsists, and disappears in response to the character, thoughts, and feelings of the angels and spirits there. Angels’ bodies are not biological productions as physical bodies are here on earth. Rather, they are reflections of the character of each particular angel. Especially, they are reflections of each angel’s “ruling love,” which is the core love of the angel that makes the angel who and what he or she is.
Because of this, everything that goes on with the physical body of an angel (or spirit) is a reflection of that angel’s loves, thoughts, feelings, and overall character. There is no separate biological organism that may or may not reflect the mind of the angel at any particular time.
This means that angels have no “sex drive” as we understand it here on earth. There is no biological urge to mate and reproduce. Rather, when angels make love, it is purely and only an expression of their feelings of love, closeness, and oneness with their partner. That closeness is expressed most fully in making love.
This means that angels’ “sex drive” doesn’t wax and wane according to biological urges, and neither does their “potency,” to use a traditional term. Rather, when they feel especially close to and one with their partner, their bodies respond accordingly, because their bodies perfectly express what is in their mind and heart.
For angels then, “sex drive” is not really sex drive, but the expression of an inner sense of oneness with their partner. This can wax and wane with angels. After all, angels are just good people who have moved on to the spiritual world. Some may have a closer relationship with their partner in marriage. Others may have a less close relationship. It all depends upon who they are and what their character is. These differences will be reflected in how often and how passionately particular couples make love in heaven.
Like here, if an angel couple is having some interpersonal issues (yes, they’re human just like us), they may not be very interested in making love. But once they’ve resolved those issues, and are feeling close to each other again, they’ll come together in body as well.
In short, angels’ “sex drive” responds entirely to their character and their sense of closeness to and oneness with their partner. Whenever they are feeling close, their physical bodies will never fail to have the ability to express that closeness through lovemaking.
Interesting! Thank you.
Aren’t physical and spiritual opposite sides of the same coin? One could say they are yin and yang respectively, but we are not Taos. But aren’t physical and spiritual equal? I am asking Lee.
Hi WorldQuestioner,
No, physical and spiritual are not equal, any more than God and spiritual reality are equal. Just as spiritual reality is created by God and is a limited (not infinite) expression of God, so physical reality is created by God from spiritual reality, and is an even more limited expression of God and of spiritual reality.
To use an ordinary example, a hammer is not equal to the person who holds the hammer. The person can swing the hammer; the hammer cannot swing the person. It is an inherently unequal relationship. The hammer can do a better or worse job carrying out what the person holding it wants to do. It can be a fine, sturdy hammer that does a great job pounding nails, or it can be a poor broken down hammer that can barely pound nails. Regardless of the state of the hammer, though, it will not pound any nails by itself. It will pound nails only if a human being picks it up and swings it at a nail.
Our physical body is a hammer in the hands of our spirit. It does not do anything by itself. It does things only if there is a spirit (who is the real human being) inhabiting it. Like the hammer, it may do a better or worse job expressing the will of the person inhabiting it. But the spirit commands the body, not the reverse. It is an inherently unequal relationship.
In the case of human beings, however, the story is a little more complicated. Humans have free will, and the ability to choose to be motivated by physical and worldly things or by spiritual and godly things. And due to our fallen nature, we start out in life being driven primarily by physical and worldly things. This makes it appear as if the body is in control, and running the show. But really, the spirit is still running the show, and the body still simply responds to the will of the spirit. However, in this case the spirit is immersed in bodily and worldly things, and uses the physical body in pursuance of bodily and worldly things.
Even in the animal kingdom the sex drive is not physical, but biological. A dead animal has no sex drive. The “bio” in biology means “life.” And life is spiritual, not physical. Animals do have spirits just as human do. However, animals’ spirits are limited to the “natural” or earthly level of spirit—the part of the spirit (or mind) that is focused on outward experiences and action. In animals, both the spirit and the body are immersed in physical and earthly drives such as food, shelter, and reproduction. About the closest animals get to anything that is spiritual in nature is companionship and relationships with other animals. But even these are driven by earthly desires, not by spiritual ones.
When humans do not rise up above the level of physical and worldly drives, such as the desire for sex or the desire for worldly power, they are operating from the same lower parts of the mind (or spirit) that humans share with animals. But there is still a difference between such people and animals, because the people have the ability to act from higher motives, even if they’re not currently exercising that ability, whereas animals do not have that ability.
Although the spiritual and the natural are sometimes portrayed as yin and yang, that is not an entirely accurate portrayal. The real relationship between yin and yang is the relationship of heart and head, or of love and truth. This relationship exists on every level of reality: divine (God), spiritual, and physical. Animals, for example, have various drives, and they also innate and learned knowledge that enables them to carry out those drives. A sex drive without innate or learned knowledge of how to have sex would not accomplish anything. Both are required for anything to happen. That is the yin and yang of life.
See my recent blog post https://genderlovesexuality.wordpress.com/2021/10/22/my-thoughts-about-sexuality-and-marriage-in-heaven/ I’m not asking you to post a comment on it, but feel free to if you want to.
Hi WorldQuestioner,
I think you probably already know what I think of most of your article.
First of all, you dance around the fact that Matthew 22:30 and Luke 20:35 do not say there is no marriage in heaven. They say that people don’t get married in heaven. There’s a big difference! Personally, even on the purely literal level, I have no intention of getting married in the resurrection, because I’m already married.
What Jesus actually did say is covered in more detail in this article:
Didn’t Jesus Say There’s No Marriage in Heaven?
About being married to the Lord, as you point out, the Bible never says that we are individually married to the Lord. Rather, the Bible speaks metaphorically of the people of God, or in present-day Christian language, the Church, being married to the Lord.
Further, this too is usually put in the present tense. It is not speaking about our future state, but about the present-day relationship between God and God’s people.
In the Old Testament, it is said in the present tense about God being the bridegroom and husband of the Israelites. In the New Testament, the same metaphor is used of the Lord (Jesus Christ) being married to the New Jerusalem, which is the city containing all of God’s people. If this means that men and women won’t be married to each other, then why were the ancient Israelites married to each other even while they collectively were the bride and wife of God (metaphorically)? And if Christ is the bridegroom and the Church is the bride, why are Christians married to each other even while they are collectively the wife of the Lord?
The example of the Bible makes it clear that married couples are part of the Church, which is collectively metaphorically married to God / Christ. There is no reason this would suddenly change in the afterlife. There is no reason the example of both the Old and New Testaments would be abrogated in the Resurrection.
Finally, do you really think that men and women in heaven are going to do “everything but” having sex?
This is ridiculous. If men and women are still men and women, they’re not going to be happy and satisfied with little pecks on the cheek, or even little pecks on the mouth.
In the very beginning, God made us male and female. And the very first commandment God gave to us was to be fruitful and multiply. We were created men and women as sexual beings right from the beginning, by God. If God takes away the intimacy between a husband and wife in heaven, then making us still be male and female in heaven would be torture. The relationship God created between men and women would be irrevocably broken, and both men and women would live sad lives of longing for one another that can never be fulfilled.
Heaven is not an insipid, neutered existence. That’s not how God created us in the beginning. And that’s not how God will have us live in the afterlife. Vague promises of something “better than marriage, and better than sex” ring hollow to anyone who has experienced real love in a real, spiritual marriage.
It makes me wonder what sort of marriage some of these “Christian” teachers have. If they are content to think that their marriage will end at death, and they will no longer be married to their wife, then that is ultimately a sad and empty marriage. Any man who truly loves his wife from the heart will not willingly accept that there will come a time when he can no longer be married to her.
But “Christianity” has made marriage into an empty, worldly, physical-minded thing. That’s why these “Christian” teachers can misquote Jesus and claim that there is no marriage in heaven. They don’t even know what real marriage is.
Incidentally, I’ve already replied in detail to at least one of the articles you linked at the end. For good measure, here are two articles that reply to three of these so-called Christian teachers who claim Jesus said something he simply did not say:
I will soon be responding to yet another false Christian who makes the false statement that Jesus said there is no marriage in heaven.
About the only thing I agree with in your article is that there will be no babies born in heaven. But that doesn’t mean the marriages will be sterile. They will be very fruitful, but it will be spiritual fruit, not physical fruit. In plainer words, when men and women make love in heaven, it will lead to new births of love and understanding that will enrich the lives of the married couples and everyone around them.
Ever heard of the idea of 10 dimensions? Ever heard of Hugh Ross? I don’t think that he came up with the string theory though, I don’t know who did. See https://infogalactic.com/info/String_theory. Maybe God originally intended a world of 10 dimensions, but seven of them shrunk to the subatomic level, and three of them grew to a cosmological scale. What would either Hugh Ross or Peter Kreeft think of a ten-dimensional kiss or 10-dimensional sex? I never told you this, but I have autism – medium-high-functioning I think. So sometimes I say things and they come across wrong. Impulsive. I don’t have confidence in my creativity, but sometimes I come up with creative ideas. There’s a connection between emotions and creativity. I’m very emotional.
I don’t understand why this pastor would ignore scripture and tell a grieving woman that she’s going to be intimate with her fiance as a spirit in heaven.
There is literally nothing in the scripture that says anything like this, which is why I suspect the answer quotes no Bible verses. There are none that support this view.
The Bible says we will be resurrected with glorified physical bodies like the one Christ had at his resurrection. It does not say we will be spirits in heaven.
The Bible does not address sex in heaven in any way whatsoever. Telling someone there will be physical intimacy in heaven is purely speculation and I think it is ethically wrong to present that as fact to a grieving person.
Hi Patrick,
Thanks for stopping by, and for your comment. However, it is you, my friend, who is ignoring scripture, and making the Bible say things it doesn’t say.
You write:
Did you even read the article before you left your comment?
After the introduction, the very first thing the article does is to discuss men, women, and marriage based on Genesis chapters 1 to 3. This includes a direct quotation from Genesis 1:27–28. In the next section, the article goes on to quote Matthew 19:4–6, adding a reference to the parallel passage in Mark 10:6–9. How can you say that “the answer quotes no Bible verses,” when that is the first thing it does?
Further, the article provides links to several other articles that go into much more depth on its biblical basis. See especially these four:
I encourage you to read these articles so that your eyes may be opened to what the Bible does and doesn’t say about man, woman, and marriage.
You write:
No, the Bible does not say that we will be resurrected with glorified physical bodies like the one Christ had at his resurrection. Here is what the Bible does say:
In short, the Bible clearly states that we have a spiritual body that is distinct from our physical body, and that this is the body in which we will be raised. Further, on the Cross Jesus said to the repentant thief:
There is no record of the thief being physically resurrected in this world that very day. The only way the thief could be with Jesus in Paradise today is if this meeting occurred in the spiritual world.
In short, the Bible is very clear that we are resurrected in our spiritual body, not in our physical body, and that this resurrection takes place in the spiritual world, not in the physical world.
No created human being can ever be glorified physically as Christ was. The risen and glorified Christ was a fully divine being, right down to his body. We humans can never gain a divine body as Christ did. Although the Bible teaches us that after death we live in our spiritual body, which means we are spirits, after his resurrection Jesus specifically denied that he was a spirit:
In this instance I am quoting from the King James Version. Many modern translations say “ghost” instead of “spirit.” But the original Greek word is πνεῦμα (pneuma), which is the standard Greek word for “spirit.”
Jesus’ resurrection body was a glorified divine body. Unlike every other human being who has ever lived, he left no body in the tomb. Further, his resurrection body was able not only to eat solid food, but also to pass through locked doors, and to instantly appear and disappear from sight. (See Luke 24:30–31, 36, 41–43; John 20:19.) No human physical body can do all of these things, nor can any human spiritual body do all of these things.
No, my friend, the Bible never says that “we will be resurrected with glorified physical bodies like the one Christ had at his resurrection.” The Bible makes it very clear that Christ’s glorified resurrection body was beyond anything we humans can ever attain to. Even after our own resurrection, we remain mere created human beings. But Jesus was, as the Bible itself tells us, “God with us” (Matthew 1:23).
Finally, you write:
The Bible tells us very little about what our life in heaven will be like. Paul addressed this when he said:
And:
The Bible’s primary concern is to lead and guide us toward heaven and eternal life. It is less concerned with describing exactly what that life will be like.
Just as the Bible doesn’t say we will have sex in heaven, so the Bible doesn’t say we will not have sex in heaven. The Bible does, however tell the story of a mythical time when heavenly beings did indeed have sex, and even fathered children:
The one time the Bible does speak of sex in connection with heavenly beings (“sons of God”), it describes them as fully functional sexually. This is true even if we don’t read these chapters of the Bible literally.
In short, although the Bible doesn’t say we have sex in heaven, the one story in the Bible that explicitly deals with this general subject suggests that we can and do have sex in heaven.
Further, as covered in the above article, the very first commandment God gave to humans after creating them male and female in God’s image was to “be fruitful and multiply” (Genesis 1:27). From that time onward, throughout the entire Bible, marriage, sex, and procreation are treated as sacred creations of God, which are not to be violated or denigrated.
Unfortunately, somewhere along the way the so-called Christian Church began to take a physical-minded, dirty, and negative view of sex and marriage. The Catholic Church even forbade its priests to get married, despite the fact that in the Bible priests were expected to be married.
It is true that Paul expressed a wish that all people would be single as he was (1 Corinthians 7:7). However, he gave no commandment that people should remain single, and the whole chapter speaks of remaining married or single “in view of the impending crisis” (1 Corinthians 7:26). Paul believed that the Second Coming would happen within the lifetime of many people who were still alive. This did not happen. What would Paul have said about marriage if he had been aware that many centuries would go by, and the Second Coming would still not have happened? We don’t know.
Meanwhile, the simple fact of the matter is that the Bible never commands us to remain single, and it everywhere says that “a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh” (Genesis 2:24; Matthew 19:5; Mark 10:7-8; Ephesians 5:31). See also:
Didn’t Jesus Say it’s Better to be Celibate than Married?
In short, the entire Bible teaches us that God’s intention from the very beginning was that man and woman should be married, so that they are no longer two, but one flesh.
Why, then, would God reverse God’s own decree and design by putting married couples asunder at death?
No, my friend. The Bible says, “Whatever God does endures forever” (Ecclesiastes 3:1). Therefore if God joins two people together in marriage, as Jesus himself says (Matthew 19:4–6), then nothing, not even death, can put them asunder.
This is what the Bible says about sex and marriage.
Unfortunately, the so-called Christian Church has ignored the Bible’s spiritual teachings about God’s creation and gift of sex and marriage, and has substituted physical-minded human teachings.
It is not only wrong, but very cruel for so-called Christian pastors to tell people whose beloved husband or wife has died that they will never again enjoy the life of love, marriage, and intimacy that God blessed them with on earth.
And I will continue to give grieving people the good news of the Bible’s eternal promises about God’s beautiful gift of love and marriage.
Couldn’t Luke 23:43 be referring to the temporary “paradise” before the New Earth? It doesn’t say “From this day forth you will be with me in paradise.” It only means “today,” not “from this day forth.”
Hi WorldQuestioner,
Regardless of whether it was for today or forever, it was not on this earth.
Thanks for all infro on the Resurrection and specially on the sex in heaven cause my wife left me here on earth gone to heaven, she said that she set her mind to leave me, but caught covid and did not make it thru, even five months ago she gone i still geiving I really miss her.
Hi Alfred,
I’m sorry to hear about your wife’s death. It’s a hard thing to be without the one you love, even if you know that she’s in a better place now. I do hope that this article gives you some help and comfort. Here is another article that you might find helpful:
Will Happily Married Couples be Together in Heaven?
Meanwhile, our thoughts and prayers are with you.
Are you Mormon or were you just explaining from a Mormon standpoint because I am group Pentecostal and I still am but when I read this and when I talk about it with other people who are stronger in there, believe we don’t tend to
Hi Tavia,
Thanks for stopping by, and for your comment and question. I’m not quite sure what you’re saying toward the end of your comment. But no, I am not a Mormon, and this article is not written from a Mormon perspective.