Here is a Spiritual Conundrum submitted to Spiritual Insights for Everyday Life by a reader named Anna:
If a widow remarries after Death of her husband, which one will she be with in her afterlife?
Thanks for the good question, Anna.
The Meeting of a Family in Heaven, by William Blake
I’m sorry if you had to go through the death of a husband. This is not only a difficult and painful experience, but it’s also one that can cause us to rethink our whole life and character. That’s especially so if we had a good and loving relationship with the husband—or wife—we lost. Moving on to a new marriage means becoming a different person than we were before in at least some ways. We must form a new relationship with a different person, and adapt ourselves to that new relationship.
Which love is real?
Probably both of them.
But we can be married to only one person in heaven.
So which will it be?
The basic answer is: the one we are then closest to in spirit.
Let’s take a closer look.
An ancient question
You are far from alone in asking this question.
Two thousand years ago a group of skeptics asked Jesus the same type of question—though they brought it to a ridiculous extreme. You can read three versions of the question and Jesus’ response to it in Matthew 22:23–33, Mark 12:18–27, and Luke 20:27–40.
The people who asked this question were not interested in marriage in heaven. They were trying to argue that the whole idea of an afterlife is ridiculous. Jesus’ response focused mostly on the reality of the afterlife. But he also said that the legalistic relationship that they called “marriage” does not exist in heaven.
Unfortunately, Christians ever since have thought he was saying there is no marriage at all in the afterlife. For more on this question, see the article, How does Marriage Fit In with a Spiritual Life? Is There Marriage in Heaven? And for a much deeper and more detailed look at Jesus’ words about marriage in the afterlife, see a series of three articles starting with: Didn’t Jesus Say There’s No Marriage in Heaven?
Here’s the short version: God created man and woman to be married, and to be complete in one another. We don’t change and become a completely different type of being just because we die. The same fundamental human love and desire to join with another person here on earth continues with us into the spiritual world.
With that in mind, let’s move on to the question of who we will be married to in the afterlife.
Marriage is first a union of souls
From a purely biological perspective, marriage doesn’t exist. There is only mating.
Though some other animals besides humans do mate for life (and many humans do not mate for life), no other animal gets married. Even without bringing God and spirit into the picture, marriage is a social and legal arrangement that doesn’t exist outside of human society.
But from a spiritual perspective, marriage is much more than that. In the Gospels, Jesus said:
But from the beginning of creation, “God made them male and female.” “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate. (Mark 10:6–9)
Marriage, as God designed it, makes two human beings into one. And though that does mean we become one physically in the act of lovemaking, everything God does starts with God and spirit, not with flesh. When God joins us together, it is first of all a spiritual union. In other words, it is a union of two souls, hearts, and minds into one. In a real marriage, the social, legal, and physical union flows seamlessly from the spiritual union that makes two souls into one soul.
That is why especially in the higher heavens, a married couple is commonly called “one angel.” From a distance, they may even appear as a single person.
In short, genuine marriage starts with our deepest soul level, and unites us from there all the way down to our bodies.
This is the marriage that exists in heaven—something those ancient materialistic skeptics, who asked Jesus their crazy hypothetical question, could not even conceive of.
We are eternally the person we are inwardly at death
What, then, determines who we will be married to eternally in heaven?
Our spiritual character, and the spiritual character of the one who will be our eternal partner.
And what is our spiritual character?
It is what we love most, what we truly believe in our heart, what we do with our life based on those loves and beliefs.
Each of us has—and is—a unique set of loves, beliefs, and skills. That is why we take on various careers, professions, and purposes in life.
What do you love most?
- Is it money, power, or pleasure? If so, you might want to reconsider the direction of your life.
- Is it God’s presence in your life, and service to your fellow human beings in your own unique way? If so, then the particular way you love God and serve your fellow human beings will set the course for your eternal life in heaven.
Of course, this can and does change during the course of our lifetime here on earth.
The whole purpose of our life on earth is to give us an opportunity to consider the various directions we might go, try out the ones that look good to us, and make a choice over our lifetime about what we love most, who we want to be, and what we want to do with our life. (For more on this, see “Heaven, Regeneration, and the Meaning of Life on Earth.”)
During the course of our lifetime here on earth, we develop into the angel we will become. All of our experiences, choices, and actions in life become a part of the complex, multifaceted person that we are.
What matters most is not the particular things we have experienced or done at various times in our life. What matters most is the choices we make in response to them, and the person we become as a result.
At the time of our death, we have made all of the choices we are going to make here on earth. We have become the person we will be in eternity.
It is this character that we have formed through our lifetime on earth, and up to the time of our death, that will determine who we will be married to in heaven.
Our various partners reflect our developing self
Many, if not most of us go through more than one relationship. Many people have been married more than once, either through the death of a spouse or through separation and divorce.
If we look back over our various relationships, and reflect on why we were with each partner, we may be able to discern how each relationship expressed something of our character at that time. As we went through changes in our beliefs, attitudes, and goals—and in our general level of maturity—we moved from one partner to another.
Many of us found one we felt we could spend the rest of our life with. Some of us were blessed to have that ideal become a reality in a loving, lifelong marriage.
For many others of us, though, that was not to be. Some of us entered marriages that turned out not to have the soul connection that makes a true and lasting marriage. Others simply grew away from our partner. Still others did have a good and loving marriage, but lost our husband or wife to premature death.
Those who lose a beloved spouse to death while there is still much life to live face a difficult choice.
Will we seek new love, and remarry?
That is a very personal choice. No one else can make it for us. If you’ve been through it, you know all of the conflicting thoughts and feelings that go into it.
Those who make the choice to remarry, and who believe in eternal marriage, will naturally think about which of their loves they will be with in eternity.
What happens to us when we die?
So let’s get to it!
Here is what Emanuel Swedenborg (1688–1772) tells us in his books Heaven and Hell and Marriage Love about what happens to us after we die, and what happens with married couples.
When we first die, after the initial experience of leaving our physical body and being welcomed into the spiritual world, we settle into a life very much like the one we had lived previously on earth. This can last anywhere from a few days to a few decades.
Most of us are probably in this first stage for a period of some years. This gives us time to get together with our husband or wife and settle back into a life together similar to the one we had in the world.
Here on earth, we learn to put on a face for the world. We often pretend to be someone we are not for social and practical reasons. This habit of ours continues right into that first stage in the spiritual world. We may be so used to acting like we are a certain type of person that even we ourselves don’t know who we truly are inside.
However, in the spiritual world, as days stretch into weeks, years, and sometimes decades, our true inner character is gradually opened up. We can no longer pretend to be someone we are not. Our real inner thoughts and feelings begin to show through.
This is our second stage after death. By the time it is over, we cannot say anything we do not believe, or do anything that isn’t what we really want to do. (For more on the stages we go through after death, see “What Happens To Us When We Die?”)
Once our true inner character has been revealed, we are prepared to discover who will be our true, eternal partner.
Who will we be married to in heaven?
Here on earth, our marriages are not always based on who we truly are inside. We may marry for social or financial reasons. Or we may not have a clear sense of who we are, and marry someone who looks attractive to us for reasons we don’t think out very deeply.
If we are not truly one in spirit with our husband or wife at the time that we die, we will probably still get together with them again during that first stage after death. However, as our own and our spouse’s real inner character comes out, it will become clear that we don’t belong with this person. At that point, the marriage will break up. As on earth, this can happen either by the husband leaving the wife, or the wife leaving the husband, or by a mutual decision.
If we have been married more than once, we will have the opportunity to meet and get together with each of the people we were married to. We may even live with each of them for a time in order to find out whether we have a real spiritual connection with one or another of them. This can take place during that first stage after death, when we are still figuring out who we truly are inside.
Eventually, though, it will become crystal clear to us exactly who we are, and exactly who our various partners are. This happens in that second stage after death, when our true inner self comes out.
At that point, it will become as plain as day who we truly belong with. Knowing our own real character, and seeing the real character of our various partners, we will see which one of them has grown in the same direction we have grown, and shares our deepest loves and beliefs. Or we may find that our true love is not any of our previous partners, but someone new.
Whoever it is, that is the one we will marry and spend eternity with.
Were our previous marriages real?
Does this mean that all of our other marriages and relationships were not real?
Not necessarily. Remember, our life here on earth is a process of growth, development, discovery, and decision about who we are and who we want to become. At one stage of our life we may very much love the partner we are with. But then the two of us may move in different directions, and part ways.
If our husband or wife died and we moved on to another marriage, that doesn’t necessarily mean the earlier marriage wasn’t real. It may be that in heaven we will return to our earlier love. Maybe that person actually was our true spiritual partner. Or maybe we have moved on from that stage of our life, and we are no longer a match for one another.
For each person it is different. If you’ve been married more than once, I can’t say which one of your marital partners you will be with in heaven. Only you can discover that for yourself.
Eternal marriage
What I can say is that whoever it is, it will be the right person for you.
God loves us, and wants to give us every happiness. If we long for a true, deep, loving, exciting, eternal marriage with someone who shares our deepest thoughts and feelings, God will provide that for us.
Which one will you be with in the afterlife?
The one with whom you have become one in spirit through your lifetime here on earth.
With that person, now an angel, you will become one angel. With that person you will continue to grow in love and understanding forever.
With that person you will share your life, your passions, your ideas, your work, your play—and yes, your marriage bed—to all eternity.
This article is a response to a spiritual conundrum submitted by a reader.
For further reading:
- How does Marriage Fit In with a Spiritual Life? Is There Marriage in Heaven?
- Can you Fall in Love in Heaven if you Haven’t Found Someone on Earth?
- Didn’t Jesus Say There’s No Marriage in Heaven?
- How to Know if Mr. or Ms. Right is Right for You: Pointers from Gloria and Emilio Estefan
- Viktor Frankl on Meaning through Relationship: It’s All About Love and Understanding
- Heaven, Regeneration, and the Meaning of Life on Earth
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Lee Woofenden is an ordained minister, writer, editor, translator, and teacher. He enjoys taking spiritual insights from the Bible and the writings of Emanuel Swedenborg and putting them into plain English as guides for everyday life.
Spiritual Insights for Everyday Life 
Under the heading “who will we be married to in heaven” you said
“Or we may find that our true love is not any of our previous partners, but someone new.”
Does this mean that you can marry someone that you meet in heaven
Also, in regards to who you are married to in heaven, what if you were in a relationship with someone but before you got married that person passed away, and you married someone else. If the relationship you had with the person who passed away before you married was a much closer relationship than that of the person you eventually married. Would you marry the first person in heaven? What if you broke up before marriage but you were much closer and more compatible than you were with the person you eventually married
Thanks
Hi Craig,
Thanks for stopping by, and for your good questions.
Yes, you could marry someone you meet in heaven if you didn’t meet anyone on earth who was compatible with you in spirit.
Technically speaking, you most likely wouldn’t meet in heaven itself, but in the “world of spirits,” which is the area of the spiritual world where everyone first goes after death and lives for a few days, months, years, or decades before going to either heaven or hell. In the normal course of events, if you die as an adult, by the time you move on from the world of spirits to your eternal home in heaven, you will already have found your marital partner and gotten married–if you weren’t already married to that person on earth.
Of course, human relationships are complex. It’s difficult to make any hard-and-fast rules about who you’ll be married to in the other life. But most likely if you did not marry someone you were very compatible with, and then did marry someone you were not so compatible with, then it is likely that after death you will end out married to the one you were more compatible with.
I say “likely” because we do change over the course of our lifetime.
It could happen that as a young man or woman, you were compatible with someone whom you may have wished you could marry at that time. But then as you went through life you might have changed as a person, and become quite different from who you were as a teenager or young adult. It’s possible to grow out of a relationship that might have been right for you earlier in life, but no longer is. Later in life you might be compatible with someone else, whom you wouldn’t have been compatible with as a young person.
Also, it’s possible that after many years of marriage, you might become more compatible with the person you did marry. People who live together and love one another do often grow closer together over the years, and adopt one another’s thoughts and feelings, beliefs and aspirations, habits and goals. So, to quote the famous Stephen Stills song, “If you can’t be with the one you love, love the one you’re with.”
We humans are a complex bunch, and our relationships with one another are even more complex than we are as individuals.
That’s why it’s difficult to make hard-and-fast rules about who you’ll be married to in heaven. Only God sees the whole course of our lives. Only God can see and provide for someone who will be an eternal match for your soul in heaven.
The only answer I didn’t see clearly, is if his new wife, whom has loved only him for many years and finally had the opportunity to marry him, after certain circumstances that kept them apart for years, knows she is his soulmates and has never loved anyone else the same way, but the man and maybe his ex wife still feel as if they are soul mates that made a serious mistake or had circumstances that separated them. What happens to the new wife in afterlife if ex wife is the one? Does she find a match that she never new of on earth?
Hi Ruan,
Yes, if it turns out that the one we thought was our soulmate turns out not to be our soulmate, God then brings us together with someone who actually is our soulmate. If that doesn’t happen here on earth, it will happen in the afterlife, where our true inner self comes out so that we can see clearly who we’re compatible with and who we’re not.
There is no marriage in heaven according to the bible. Saying there is very biblical.
Hi Jaye,
Thanks for stopping by, and for your comment. Yes, saying there is marriage in heaven is very biblical. Contrary to so many Christian preachers who don’t know or understand the Bible, Jesus did not say that there is no marriage in heaven. This is a false teaching. See:
Didn’t Jesus Say There’s No Marriage in Heaven?
Thank you for your wonderful articles.
You’re very welcome, Susan. Thanks for stopping by!
lee
so you stay the person you were as you die so I am a very lazy person and if I die like right now that would be part of my character and if so then I can’t change that once I leave this material plane right?
Hi Tony,
Good question. It would depend a lot on why you are a lazy person. If it really is a settled part of your character that you just don’t have a lot of interest in doing anything productive and useful, then that would follow you into the spiritual world, and you would most likely be lazy in the spiritual world, too. And that would mean that your happiness there would be much diminished. People in heaven get their greatest joy from serving others in useful and practical ways.
However, there are other reasons some people are “lazy.”
Sometimes it is due to physical health conditions that have sapped tho body’s energy and vitality, so the person really can’t do all that much. Any such purely physical causes would be removed, and the person would have a fully healthy and functioning spiritual body without the former limitations of the old physical body.
Sometimes people are “lazy” because they cannot do the kind of work they would really love to do. People who are stuck in the wrong career or the wrong job will sometimes be “lazy” because their heart just isn’t in what they’re doing, and they can’t generate much enthusiasm about it. And yet, due to physical and financial circumstances, they may not be able to move into the sort of work they would really like to do. In this case, once again, such external limitations would be removed in the spiritual world, and that person would be able to engage in the kind of work that he or she loves, enjoys, and can get enthusiastic about.
None of this, however, should be used as an excuse not do do our best here. Even people with physical limitations, and in the wrong line of work, can often find reasons to keep going that transcend their particular circumstances. So if laziness is an issue for you, I’d suggest looking carefully at your life, and doing your best to figure out what’s got you into this rut–and then doing something about it. The more you can accomplish here on earth to get your life going on a good track, the better your prospects will be for a happy and productive life in the spiritual world after you die.
LEE
I want to be with my wife but she commited adultry . She is with him now.We were together for twenty years…..
we are just seperated. ???? I Still love her she hates me. what should I Do . SHOULD I DIVORCE HER??
hopelessly in love
Kevin
Hi Kevin,
I am very sorry to hear about your marital situation. Unfortunately, it’s all too common a story. I can’t tell you what to do. You are the only one in your shoes, and you’re the one who will have to make that decision—if she doesn’t divorce you first. I would only say:
That is probably a small consolation to you as you see a twenty year marriage go up in flames. Unfortunately, sometimes life just doesn’t turn out the way we planned, and we just have to face reality as it is rather than as we wish it would be. Our thoughts and prayers are with you in this very difficult and painful situation.
I like your way of making it clear. how old will I look if I make the cut to get into heaven. You said we cant change who we are… why not
Hi Kevin,
Thank you.
What I meant by that is that our character doesn’t change after death. Whatever character we build here on earth, that is the character we will take with us into the afterlife.
However, assuming we have chosen love, truth, and compassion over selfishness, greed, and corruption, our outward, bodily appearance will change until we are physically at the prime of young adulthood. That is the spiritual body we will live in to eternity.
For more on what we experience when we enter the afterlife, see: “What Happens To Us When We Die?” See also the section titled “How are my parents doing?” in the article, “What Does it Mean When My Parents Die? Will I See Them Again?“
Hi lee
What about after you die and you have your settled character what about when we start living in the afterlife will we simply build on our character we made on earth or what ever we do in the spiritual world can be something new separate from what we did back on earth?
Hi Tony,
If you’re talking about what work (job) we’ll be doing in heaven, that may very well be different than what we did on earth. Many people here on earth are working particular jobs, not because they love them or because it’s the best use of their skill and character, but because it’s what they have to do to make the rent payments.
That situation doesn’t exist in heaven. In heaven, we don’t have to worry about rent or food or clothing. The work we do there will be the work we love most and for which our character best suits us. So if you’re working a boring, dead-end job here on earth, that will no longer be your situation in heaven.
Here are a couple of related articles that might help:
thank you I have four young children cought up in this..
Hi Kevin,
Yes, that does complicate matters. That’s why only you can make the decision.
I’ve really enjoyed reading your blogs and I wish that I could sit down and talk? I could talk to you for hours.
Someone once told me that God won’t put more on you than you can handle is this true?
Because I lost my mother and my wife in the same week and it was overwhelming to say the least.
Hi Kevin,
It would be my great pleasure to do just that. And yet, we are limited by time and space. So I put out all these articles for you and others to read and gain some insight, help, and comfort.
About that saying, it comes from 1 Corinthians 10:13:
However, Paul also says:
So in fact, Paul says both that we won’t be tested beyond our strength and that we will be tested beyond our strength. In one case he was reassuring us that our struggles are not going to destroy us. In the other he was telling us that yes, we will not be able to bear some of the temptations and struggles we face. In both places he tells us that it is God who will provide the way out of our struggles.
The general message is that if we think that on our own we can bear anything life throws at us, sooner or later we will get a rude awakening. At times life does indeed test us beyond our ability to bear by our own strength precisely in order to break our reliance upon our own strength, and move us to put our faith and trust in God’s strength instead.
Put more plainly, we humans can be stubborn beasts. We will fight to the bitter end to try to deal with our lives without reaching out for help from others or from God. And until we recognize that we really can’t do it alone, we are likely to face harder and harder trials, until we finally surrender our pride and self-reliance, and recognize our need of God’s love, God’s guidance, and God’s power in our life.
And please understand that when bad things happen to us, it doesn’t necessarily mean we’ve done something to deserve them. It may just mean that our life has been going in the wrong direction, or had simply become unsustainable as it was, and that it’s time for us to change direction and move on to the next phase of our life—ideally a higher phase than the previous one. And I would simply add that on this, I speak from hard personal experience of my own.
Thank You!! My Pastor said that was not in the Bible????
Hi Kevin,
You’re welcome.
The Bible focuses mostly on how to live our life here on earth, not what things will be like in heaven. There is no clear, detailed description of the afterlife in the Bible. And in my view, much of what is in the Bible about the afterlife has been misunderstood and misinterpreted in traditional Christianity.
So although I do believe that what I’ve said in this article is compatible with what the Bible says, your pastor is right that these things are not actually said in the Bible. The Bible is concerned primarily with how we are to believe and live here on earth so that we may gain salvation and eternal life.
Pastor Lee,
I think I’M DONE here on EARTH…….I have nothing left to offer anyone. I quit…..
Hi Kevin,
I’m sorry to hear that you feel that way. Hang in there. This, too, shall pass. I know from your previous comments (above) that you’ve recently been through the wringer. And that can make it feel like your life is at an end. But it’s not. What’s happening is that the life you’ve been living up to this time is over, and you will now have to start a new life. It won’t be easy. Just the uncertainty about what’s coming next can be enough to eat you up inside. But trust me, I’ve been through it, and there is life after your whole life falls apart. One thing you can gain from all of this is clarity about the direction you were headed in the past, and where it was leading you. And based on that, you can choose a new direction in life. When all the dust has settled, and your mind clears so that you can see a new path forward, I believe you will find that what looked like the end of your life was instead a new beginning.
If an ex-spouse has remarried and is the true spiritual partner of his second spouse and connects with her in heaven, is the first spouse doomed to loneliness in heaven?
Hi Mary,
Thanks for stopping by, and for your question.
In answer, no, the first spouse would not be doomed to loneliness. For anyone who truly desires a partner in marriage God provides the right person—if not here, then in the next life. God loves every one of us, and does not leave anyone forlorn.
Which one will you be with in the afterlife?
The one with whom you have become one in spirit through your lifetime here on earth.
Lee, most of us have never and never will “become one in spirit” with a person here on earth. The only hope for most of us us is to meet our spiritual soulmate in heaven. How will that work? Will it be a kind of “speed-dating” or are there social groups where spirits meet spirits or when we first arrive in the spirit world is our true mate waiting to greet us and if not, why not, since that’s the way it seems to me it should be. I mean why waste time like we have to in the earthly realm?
Hi Jack,
Good question.
When I said that we’ll be with the one we have become one in spirit with through our lifetime here on earth, I didn’t necessarily mean that would be with someone we’ve spent our adult life with here on earth. I meant that we’ll be with whoever our life, character, choices, and actions have made us most compatible with. And of course, that also means that her or his life, character, choices, and actions have made her or him most compatible with us.
It’s probably more common than you think that people become one in spirit with another person right here on earth. It’s not some woo-woo “spiritual” thing as much as it is a sense of strong connection to a partner with whom we feel one in spirit, values, joys, and so on. There are many married couples who feel this way about each other. Further, for these couples, living with one another day in and day out for many years brings about a growing closeness and sense of oneness. Yes some married couples may be fooling themselves. But I believe that most of the couples who feel truly married to one another in spirit here on earth go on to spend eternity with each other in heaven.
How does it work for those who don’t find their soulmate here on earth?
It’s possible that some will find him or her just waiting for them on the other side. But it’s more likely that they will find each other in the course of their ongoing lives in the spiritual world.
For one thing, presumably about half the time our partner is still living on earth because we died first.
But it’s more than that. Most of us, when we arrive in the spiritual world, are wearing “masks” of personas that don’t really match our true inner self. We put on a false front for social reasons, or to fit in at work, or because we’re afraid to show who we truly are, or for any of the many other reasons that we hide our true self from the world—and often even from ourselves.
As long as we’re still wearing those masks, it’s not clear to others or to ourselves exactly who we are (though angels can tell). And during our first stage in the “world of spirits,” where we all first go after death, we continue to wear these masks. It’s only in our second stage there that the masks come off, and our true self comes out. For more on this, see: What Happens To Us When We Die?
It will most likely be during that second stage after death—and if not during it, then certainly when it’s complete—that we’ll meet and recognize our true spiritual partner and get together with him or her. At that point, we’ll be able to see clearly who we ourselves are in spirit, and who our future bride or groom is in spirit, so that it will be clear to us that we and that person fit together as a couple.
We will then get to know each other just as we do here on earth, except more quickly because in the spiritual world we can see into one another’s minds and hearts much more clearly than we can here on earth.
But even then, there will always be more to learn about one another, and deeper to go. We humans are deep and complex creatures. And we’re always learning and growing. This means that our relationships with one another are always growing and deepening also.
Even in heaven, we’ll always continue to grow closer to, and more in love with, our partner in marriage, to all eternity.
How does this work for people that are to shy to talk to others in this life. are sky, un-confident people in this life destined for eternal celibacy in the age to come? How can you so sure this guy was telling the truth and not lying, or Hallucinating?
Hi Ashley,
Thanks for stopping by, and for your comment and questions.
I assume by “this guy” you mean Swedenborg. He himself was aware that many people would be skeptical of his spiritual experiences. He wrote:
You’ll have to make up your own mind based on the believability of what he wrote. Here are two posts that might help:
About your first question, not to worry. Even shy people who wish for love and marriage can and do find an eternal partner in the spiritual world. It’s easier there than here. First, people’s true inner self soon comes out, so it’s easy to see who’s compatible and who’s not. And second, the very nature of the spiritual world brings people of like minds and hearts together, while separating people who aren’t compatible with one another. Here are a few more articles that might be helpful:
So take heart. Even if you don’t find someone here on earth, if you long for love, in the afterlife you will find someone to share your heart, mind, and life with.
Hi , I’m sorry to keep bothering you. But could you explane how similar people are brought together in the spearitual world?
Hi Ashley,
You’re not bothering me. That’s what this website is here for.
In answer to your question, in the spiritual world, love is the equivalent of gravity in the physical world: it is a force that brings things together, even over vast distances.
However, love is much more personal and individualized than gravity. It doesn’t bring together just any old people. It brings together people who share similar values, ideas, loves, and dreams. In the spiritual world, people who share common loves, ideas, and ideals are drawn together just as the earth and the moon are drawn together and remain in relationship with one another due to their gravitational attraction to one another.
In the spiritual world, just thinking about someone with affection brings you together with that person. And sharing common thoughts and feelings draws you together even with people that you have never known before.
Since that is so, it is only a matter of time until you are drawn to that one person who is most compatible with you in thoughts, loves, dreams, and ideals. That’s just how the “gravity” of the spiritual world works.
And that’s why in the spiritual world it is impossible that you would not meet the person who is destined to be your eternal partner, even if the two of you have never met in this world.
Does god choose people for each other, and those two people know it as soon as they see each other?
Hi Ashley,
God doesn’t exactly choose people for each other. It’s more like God provides and prepares people for each other. Exactly how God does this, I don’t know. I’m not God. But I do believe that God has at least one person in mind for everyone. And perhaps there are a few possibilities, depending upon the circumstances. Love is a complex thing!
People also get together in different ways. For some it is love at first sight. They know as soon as they see each other. For others, it grows on them over time until they realize that this person they’ve known for quite some time is the right partner for them. We humans are a diverse lot, and our relationships happen in different ways.
Is it possible that my mate may have been killed or died before me? Say via abortion? or accident. and I won’t see then until I my self am killed? What if god doesn’t care about me or want me married.
Hi Ashley,
God does care about you. The issue of getting married in this life is more complicated.
Yes, it’s quite possible that the person you will be married to in heaven may have died before you. As I said, life is complex, and things don’t always work out as they ideally should—especially here on earth.
However, I think it’s better to move forward thinking that there may very well be someone for you still living here on earth. That way you won’t cut yourself off from a possible relationship if and when the opportunity presents itself to you. People sometimes get stuck on a theoretical relationship that is never going to happen, and pass by relationships that could happen. On that, see: “What If I’m In Love with Someone I Can’t Have?”
It is also possible that you will get married to someone here on earth that turns out not to be your eternal partner once you move on to the spiritual world. That doesn’t necessarily mean it will be a bad marriage. Two people who are “near misses” can have a very good married life together here on earth if they feel love and affection for each other, and treat each other with kindness and thoughtfulness.
I’m not saying you should get married to someone that you don’t think is quite right for you. Rather, I’m saying that there are possibilities for love here on earth even if the person you marry here doesn’t turn out to be your true spiritual partner.
Mainly, I believe it’s a good idea to keep your mind (and heart) open for whatever possibilities God may have in mind for you.
Thank you
Hi Ashley,
You are very welcome.
What happens if your soulmate chooses to go to hell and you don’t?
Hi Ashley,
That is an excellent question—and one of the reasons I lean toward the idea that there is not one and only one person who could ever be our soulmate, but perhaps several, and that having found a close match, we grow into being one another’s eternal partner.
In Swedenborg’s writings, there are both statements that say that couples are born for each other and statements that say that couples grow into being one another’s partner the longer they are married. So I have come to believe that God’s providence in providing eternal partners for us is not a simple, mechanical one of designating two people uniquely for one another from birth, but rather a more complex one of ensuring that for each person, there will be a partner who is not only born to be, but develops into that person’s eternal partner.
If this sounds a little squishy, that’s because I don’t claim to know exactly how God provides an eternal partner for each one of us from among the billions of people on this earth. This is something only the infinite, eternal love and wisdom of God could accomplish. It is beyond our comprehension and our ability.
But I fall back on the idea that even if someone who might have been our eternal partner chooses hell instead of heaven, God’s plan is not frustrated. God ensures that there is someone else who can be, and become, our eternal partner.
Marriage, as we know from experience, does not happen on the wedding day. Rather, it is a process in which the two become more and more one as they live together, grow together, and grow closer and closer to one another by living within the sphere of one another’s thoughts, feelings, actions, habits, quirks, and uniqueness. So I believe that God provides eternal partners for us not just by saying “Plunk, plunk, these two babies are born to be each other’s partner,” but rather by continually exercising eternal wisdom in guiding the lives of people throughout their growing up and adult years so that they can become a true, spiritual match for another person, and become eternally married to one another.
Part of that providence of God is in bringing together people who are both devoted to a spiritual path, and who wish to share that spiritual path with one another.
So I believe that if one of us is in a relationship here on earth with someone who along the way chooses hell instead of heaven, God will in due time provide another partner who will share our spiritual path and continue to travel that path with us to eternity.
Does this help?
What will our relationship be between Other people that are not our spouse? Something like sibling relationships? Well we be able to spend time with others besides our spouse?
Hi Ashley,
Yes, poetically speaking they will be like sibling relationships, since everyone in heaven looks to God as a common parent. And practically speaking, in heaven our relationships with our friends will be a lot like our relationships with our friends here on earth, only better. For a related article, see: “Can we Keep our Friends in the Afterlife?” In heaven we live in communities in which there are many people we see each day, just like here on earth.
I met a man online with whom I have a very strong connection, but he is married. Why we are only friends, I wonder if God ever sends you someone who is married now but might, down the line, not be, and might be yours at some juncture. I feel guilty for thinking this way, but I’ve never had such a strong connection with anyone before. I’ve had good ones, but this is intense. Why I am not an immoral individual, I wonder why I feel this way about him (meaning I would never infringe on his wife’s territory in any way}. Any insights? Thank you.
Hi bravegirl72,
Thanks for stopping by, and for your comment and conundrum. It’s a difficult situation—and one that is, unfortunately, just a little too common.
The short answer, from my perspective, is that as long as he is married, he’s simply not available.
If in the future he ever becomes divorced (or, God forbid, his wife dies), then of course he would become available if he is interested in another relationship.
Meanwhile, the stats are not good on marriages in which one or both partners divorces a previous spouse in order to marry someone else with whom they were having a side romance or an affair. Yes, sometimes such marriages do work. But more often than not they, too, end in divorce. The very fact that someone would be unfaithful to a current spouse suggests that that person is not entirely dedicated to faithfulness in marriage.
Plus, it’s just not right to break up people’s marriages.
So my general suggestion and advice for you, to put it in plain language, is: If he’s married, keep your hands off!
This doesn’t necessarily mean you have to cut off all contact. But you do have to put out of your mind any romantic or sexual relationship with him. And if you can’t do that, then it would be better for both of you if you did cut off all contact. I know that given your current feelings you may not believe it, but there are other fish in the sea. I speak from experience.
I could say more, but instead I’ll refer you to an article here that takes up some of these issues, even if the situation of the person it was written in response to is different than yours: “What If I’m In Love with Someone I Can’t Have?” I hope it will be helpful to you. If, after reading it, you have further thoughts or questions, please don’t hesitate to leave another comment there.
Yeah, of course what I meant by saying I would not infringe on his wife’s territory is that I wouldn’t put my hands on him. So, no need to emphasize that, I get it, trust me. Your answer otherwise was very helpful. I am actually no longer in contact with this person at all. Mostly I felt uncomfortable with writing him, mostly b.c. something felt off to me that I could not put my fingers on, at all. He never came on to me or said anything in particular, but I felt like I should not write him anymore, so I stopped. So yea, I am not an immoral person, otherwise I’d have come onto the guy. I think there are other fish in the sea, but so far I haven’t met any but toads.
Hi bravegirl72,
Good to hear from you again after all this time.
I must say, I’m relieved that you’re no longer in contact with that person. I didn’t get a good feeling just reading what you said in your earlier comment. It didn’t seem to me that it was leading anywhere good. But of course, how you run your life is your business, not mine.
Of course, no man is perfect. We all have some toad in us. But I do hope that in time you’ll find someone with more prince than toad.
There is no marriage in heaven period, no relationship like earth, it is far beyond what our earthly minds can comprehend, but for sure there is no need for a spouse.
So much fallacy in christendom it saddens me. Your spouse helps get you to heaven that is all afterwards it is over.
Hi John,
Thanks for stopping by, and for your comment. I’m not sure where you get the idea that “there is no marriage in heaven period.” Jesus doesn’t say that. Perhaps you have some other source?
Meanwhile, Jesus does say that from the beginning God made male and female to become one. Saying there is no marriage in heaven is saying that God does things that are temporary, not eternal—which is contrary to the teaching of the Bible.
I do agree that there is no marriage relationship in heaven as people have commonly thought of and experienced legal and social marriage here on earth. But in these days when life on earth is moving closer to what life in heaven is like, I do believe that many couples here on earth are now experiencing something of the spiritual marriage relationship that exists in heaven.
Do we look the same we did as we died, in heaven.
Hi shriya,
Thanks for stopping by, and for your comment and question.
When we first wake up in the spiritual world, we look the same as we did here. However, over time we may go through changes in appearance.
First, if we are old when we die, we grow young again. And if we are not yet adults when we die, we grow to young adulthood in body, while continuing to grow in wisdom and love to eternity.
Second, before long our outward appearance will come to perfectly reflect our inner character. If we have been selfish, greedy, and evil, we will grow ugly and disfigured in a way that reflects our disfigured spirit. But if we have been loving, thoughtful, and kind, then even if we may have had physical disfigurements or a lack of beauty here on earth, we will grow beautiful in appearance to reflect that inner beauty.
Here are two articles that speak of these things further:
The Bible says that ” What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder” (Mark 10:9). My questions are: How can you know whether God has joined together two people in the institution of marriage? The fact that two people marry, does it mean that God is in that marriage (joins them together)? Paul mentions in 1 Corinthian 6:9 that adulterers will not inherit the kingdom of God. To what group of people Paul was referring, was it believers or unbelievers? How can someone who accepted Christ as his or her savior before marriage lose their salvation because of remarriage? I know a couple who are genuine Christians, but both were previously married, divorced and now are remarried. They are serving God and committing to servicing their church. I have no doubt they are not saved because I see fruits of the Spirit of God in their lives. Jesus says the world will know that you are my disciples by the way you love one another. They are christian couples who are struggling living together in marriage. They are not compatible in that relationship, and no matter how hard they try, it doesn’t work. It’s a lot of pains and sufferings. Do you believe that people can wrongly chose their spouse or be seduced by the devil in that way especially if they got hurt in a previous relationship? The devil knows who are vulnerable out there and sends the wrong person in their path to tempt and make them fall. Will God forgive and forget their sins forever (Jeremiah 31) if they remarry?
Hi Jude,
Thanks for stopping by, and for your comment and questions.
I believe that marriages that God has joined together are ones in which the partners are joined in heart and mind, so that they are inwardly and spiritually one. This may or may not be the case in marriages that a priest or minister joins together. It may or may not be the case in marriages that the state joins together, also known as legal marriages.
Much of the error in interpreting Jesus’ words about marriage comes, I think, from believing that anything the church does, or even the state does, is something that God does. But priests, ministers, and Justices of the Peace are human beings, and not God. They commonly join together couples whom God has not joined together. And yes, the couples themselves commonly get married, and think they are married, when they have not been married by God.
I realize this doesn’t answer all of your questions. But that’s enough for now. For more on these things, please read the series of three articles starting with: “Didn’t Jesus Say There’s No Marriage in Heaven?”
This is all interesting. But you cannot answer such a question with literature. All children are children of GOD whether they know it or choose to be. He chooses US and leads US the way He chooses too. Even when we do not comprehend. Marriage between a man and woman is a contract. It is why we remarry. It is why we think about adultery even when we don’t do it. It is ALWAYS in us to betray ourselves and others. We are never married in the permanent sense, except to GOD. I cannot imagine ever being without my wife. And I pray every day that we will always be together. But it isn’t my choice. And I will not pretend to know what will happen. NOBODY KNOWS.
Hi Joe,
Thanks for stopping by, and for your comment.
However, I think we can know more than what is commonly believed based only on external, sensory experience in this world. Thousands, if not millions of people over the centuries, and especially in recent years, have had direct experience of the spiritual world and come back to report it. The spiritual world is not as unknowable as materialists think. For more on this please see my article, “Where is the Proof of the Afterlife?”
Meanwhile, I wish you and your wife all the best—and I believe that you will always be together.
Do you know what Swedenborgs views on monasticism were? Will all people that took vows of celibacy have to renounce them. Or are they stuck living with those vows for all eternity if they no longer wish to live that life style?
Hi Foster,
Swedenborg saw marriage and active involvement in the business and activities of society as being better spiritually than celibacy and monastic retreat from society. For his general views on celibacy vs. marriage, see Marriage Love #155–156.
About what happens in the afterlife to those who take vows of celibacy, here it is right from the horse’s mouth:
I was talking to my priest about this topic (Orthodox Priest). He told me the Orthodox church teaches that marriage continues in heaven. but only if you were married before you die. That view doesn’t make sense to me, what about people that were married more than once? Who would they be married to? He didn’t really have an answer to that question. then I asked him why god wouldn’t continue to join people together in a marriage like relationship in the next age? The only
answer he gave is that married partners wouldn’t have sex in heaven. I guess implying that all I’m only interested in is just sex?
(Truth be told though theres no real doctrine about this topic in the Orthodox church.) I told him about Swedenborg and he made a remark about how he couldn’t take his views seriously because of Swedenborg’s mention about aliens and life on other planets, and his heretical views on the Trinity.
I’m in a crisis of faith, I believe Swedenborgs experences sound believable(and would like to believe them), but the priest in the church I grew up in is saying Swedenborg is a heretic and was unhinged for beleving in alien life, and i shouldn’t believe in his experiences because he was insane.
Do you think god will send me to hell for cherry picking my beliefs?
Hi Foster,
Very interesting what your priest said about people being married in heaven if they were already married here. That goes along with their practice (as I’ve heard) of allowing priests to be married if they were already married before they get ordained, but not to get married once they’re ordained. This puts tremendous pressure on their seminarians to get married before they get ordained.
Of course, in my view both of these beliefs represent an overly literal and erroneous understanding of Jesus’ words about marriage in the resurrection. As you know, I have written and posted a three-article series on that starting with: “Didn’t Jesus Say There’s No Marriage in Heaven?” And incidentally, Mormons have a similar belief about a requirement to get married here on earth if you want to be married in heaven.
Really, I think it is a cruel belief. It leaves out in the cold everyone who longs for marriage but who, often for reasons beyond their control, were unable to get married here on earth. I don’t think God is that mean!
I suspect your priest’s answer about why God wouldn’t continue to join people together in marriage in the next age is not because he thinks you’re only interested in sex, but has more to do with a traditional Christian idea that the main purpose of marriage is having children. This commonly leads to the idea that there’s no reason for people to get married in heaven because they don’t have children there anyway, so what’s the point? Apparently the Orthodox believe that those who have already gotten married here, and presumably had children, are grandfathered in.
Once again, I don’t find this view particularly convincing. While having and raising children certainly is a very good and wonderful thing, and a very important purpose of sex and marriage here on earth, it is far from the only reason for sex and marriage. Marriage is also a spiritual relationship. And sex is a physical expression of the spiritual union of hearts and minds that is the central reality of true marriage.
Even for those couples who don’t have children, lovemaking is a good and healthy thing with many physical and emotional benefits. And that reflects the reality that marriage love, from the inner union of souls right out to the physical lovemaking, produces spiritual “children” in the form of new love, new understanding, new inspiration, new compassion, and a new dedication to living life for the benefit of other people as God commanded us to do. For this reason, I believe that married couples in heaven continue to make love just as they do here, only it is even better because it is more closely connected with and flowing from their inner union of mind and heart.
This is getting long, so I’ll respond in a separate comment on the other issues you brought up.
Hi Lee, I’ve greatly enjoyed your article and the comments that have followed.
You mentioned in this comment that Mormons believe you must be married before you die in order to be married after you die. This isn’t correct. I am a lifelong (I’m 65), devout Mormon and understand our doctrines thoroughly. We actually teach single people that if they do not find a spouse in this life they definitely will in the spirit world. We believe in eternal marriage if spouses live in love and devotion to each other and to God. We deeply believe God wants us to be happy and fulfilled, even as He is, and that no one will be lonely or sad, unless they end up in hell.
You do a great service here and I commend you for sharing these wonderful insights and teachings. Thank you.
Hi G. Glenn,
Thanks for stopping by, and for your comment and your kind words.
Now I’m not quite sure what to think. It was a Mormon man who told me that. He was quite insistent that he must get married on earth so that he could be married “for time and eternity.” I thought it was a bit strange at the time, but he was a well-educated individual, and I assumed he knew what he was talking about. I wonder if there are differences of opinion in the church, or if this was an older and more traditional belief among Mormons?
If you could point me to any official church materials on this question, I would very much appreciate it. I have referred to this belief among Mormons in other posts. I would not want to be spreading misinformation about others’ beliefs.
Meanwhile, Godspeed on your spiritual journey.
Hi Foster,
Of course your Orthodox priest is not going to accept Swedenborg, because Swedenborg rejected some of the most basic doctrines on which traditional Christianity, including the Orthodox Church, is based.
The key traditional Christian doctrine that Swedenborg rejected is the doctrine of the Trinity of Persons. You’ll have to make up your own mind about that one. Here are some articles that take it up from various angles, from a Swedenborgian perspective:
About Swedenborg seeing aliens, please see my article: “Aliens vs. Advent: Swedenborg’s 1758 Book on Extraterrestrial Life.” It is true that Swedenborg says that in the spiritual world he saw spirits and angels that came from other planets, including the other then-known planets in our solar system (Mercury, Venus, Mars, Jupiter, and Saturn), and even from Earth’s moon. He thought that the moons of Jupiter and Saturn were inhabited also. All of that, of course, we now know to be impossible. Swedenborg was wrong about there being people on the other planets in our solar system. And I take that up in the linked article.
But as far as other planets being inhabited, many regular and secular scientists now believe that it’s very likely that there is intelligent life elsewhere in the universe. Just in the past decade we’ve discovered thousands of planets orbiting other stars. And while most of them would not be hospitable to life, some of them might be—and there is an intensive search to find ones that could have life on them. So although you could call Swedenborg crazy for saying he met spirits from other planets, science is now honing in on possible other planets where there might be life.
My own view is that Swedenborg made a mistake in saying that the other planets (and moons) in our solar system are inhabited by intelligent life, but that he was most likely right that there are other planets in the universe that have intelligent beings living on them.
As for the general charge that Swedenborg was insane, there’s simply no evidence for that. He was a regular in the social circles of Sweden, where he was quite charming, normal, and intelligent. He was, in fact, a rather popular dinner guest. And even after he began exploring the spiritual world he continued to take his seat in the Swedish House of Nobles when he was in Sweden, submitted occasional papers on the political subjects of the day (he was a better writer than he was a public speaker), and showed every sign of being a man very much in control of his faculties.
Now, if a priest or minister is going to say that Swedenborg was insane just because he saw angels and spirits, then that priest or minister would have to conclude also that most of the major figures in the Bible were insane. Many important people in the Bible—such as Abraham, Moses, Gideon, Joseph, Mary, Mary Magdalene, Peter, and John—saw angels, and had their lives changed by those encounters. Are we going to call them all insane because God sent angels to give them a message? And if not, what basis do we have for saying that Swedenborg was insane simply because he said that God opened his eyes to see angels and spirits so that Swedenborg could deliver a message from God to humanity?
Of course, once again, you’ll have to make up your own mind about all of this. I can’t tell you what to believe. I can only offer you a different perspective on Christianity as presented in the many articles on this blog. I would encourage you to consider your priest’s words, consider what I have to say here on Spiritual Insights for Everyday Life (I am also an ordained Christian minister), take it to God in prayer, and contemplate what makes the most sense to you, and what you believe to be true about God, spirit, and the Christian life.
And as always, I’m very happy to answer any further questions you may have.
What if he hadn’t even hit 30… if after a few decades, they start looking… will he not wait for me to get there? I don’t even know if he was saved by God because he wasn’t someone who practised, it’s me who believes… n if he was, i know i can’t join him yet because even if he did get saved, he was such a good person he surely would have gone to heaven, and if i do it myself, as desperately as i want to be with him, i’d go straight to hell and i’d never even get to see him just once more. People always said we had a love stronger than the ones in any fairy tale… n we had only been together for 9 years, married for only 18 months before he was killed in an accident and we had both envisioned staying together until long after we both died… will he still wait for me? Or will he find another that is a good fit before i get there?
Hi R,
Thanks for stopping by, and for your comment. I’m so sorry to hear about your husband’s death. It’s one of the most difficult and painful things anyone can go through. But you already know that.
Now about your questions:
If the two of you have the sort of deep connection you say, then yes, he will wait for you. When two people are united in spirit, nothing can break that connection. Not even death. Even if you were to go on to marry someone else, if you and your husband had “a love stronger than the ones in any fairy tale” you would return to him after your own death. But of course, I’m not God, and I only know what you’ve told me here, so I can’t say what your future holds.
As far as whether he was saved, it’s not like what you’ve been told. It’s not just a matter of believing in Jesus. Despite what so many Christians say, that’s simply not what the Bible teaches. Here are a few articles that might help:
Perhaps the reason he’s gone and you’re still here is that you’ve still got some work to do. But if he is as good a person as you say, then he’ll be waiting for you in heaven.
And I believe that’s where you’ll go, too, even though you aren’t so sure. For more on that, see: “If You Think You’re Going to Hell, Please Read This First.” You don’t seem to me to be an evil and wicked person. Just one that’s badly hurt and struggling. And you don’t go to hell for that.
I hope this helps.
The priest actually told me there will be no sex in heaven. Because it will no longer be needed. I don’t know how he could make a statement like that because there’s no doctrine in the Orthodox Church about this topic. Was Swedenborg just speculating as well or did god communicate this to him?
Hi Foster,
Swedenborg stated that due to his calling by the Lord he was able to be fully conscious in the spiritual world and talk to angels and spirits. And he reports having conversations with angels about marriage and sex in heaven. So for him it was not speculation, but based on information given to him by the angels themselves. He also said that the Lord taught him directly on many subjects, though these seem to focus more on Bible interpretation and church doctrine.
My own view is that Swedenborg made a mistake in saying that the other planets (and moons) in our solar system are inhabited by intelligent life, but that he was most likely right that there are other planets in the universe that have intelligent beings living on them.
If he was wrong about that how can you be confident that Swedenborg was right about his theology, And his conversations with angles and demons?
Hi Foster,
So far I haven’t met anyone who is 100% right about everything. If we required 100% correctness from a scientist, philosopher, or theologian before accepting anything they say, we’d have to reject everything and believe nothing.
The best way to have confidence that Swedenborg was right about his theology is to learn it and study it and consider whether it makes sense and is good. And if he got a few things wrong (which I think he did), it will keep us on our toes so that we don’t just uncritically accept things, but consider them in our own mind, consider alternative and opposite views and opinions, and come to a well-thought-out set of beliefs for ourselves. Uncritically accepting what anyone says leads to a weak and superficial faith that is easily blown over destroyed when the winds of challenge and adversity start blowing.
So once again I invite you to consider the things Swedenborg says, think about them, and decide for yourself whether or not they make sense to your mind and feel right in your heart.
Dear Mr Lee,
Will there be any “young souls” or Angels that we can raise in Heaven as parents?
I already know there is no birth as we know it – but will there be children, even if in another form we are used to here on Earth?
Hi Ana,
Thanks for stopping by, and for your comment and question.
Yes, there are many “young souls” in heaven because many people on this earth die in infancy and childhood, and need angel parents to raise them until they become adults and angels of heaven themselves. So if you wish to be a parent and raise children after you pass on to the next life, God will give you opportunity to do so. For more on this, see:
I may have missed it when scrolling through this Q&A but isn’t there a Bible verse that says something to the effect of there not being any marriage in heaven?
Hi Charlie,
Thanks for stopping by, and for your question. It’s not just you, but most of traditional Christianity that has “missed it.” Jesus did not say that there is no marriage in heaven. Rather, he said that people don’t get married in heaven. There’s a big difference! For more in this, please see: “Didn’t Jesus Say There’s No Marriage in Heaven?”
To a reader named Don Robertson,
I would be happy to answer your question, but please do not post it in reply to someone else’s comment. See our comments policy. Thank you.
Thank you for sharing this article. I have a question. I was married once for 35 years and my spouse passed away it has been 5 years now and I’m plan on getting married again to a wonderful man. When I get to heaven and decide which spouse to take, what will happen to the other spouse? My first husband was only married once, to me the man I’m going to marry had a prior wife, they were who also passed away. They’re both good Christian men. Thank you so much for taking time to listen to my story.
Hi dlevytexas,
Thanks for stopping by, and for telling your story. Congratulations on your upcoming marriage! We wish the two of you all the best of happiness and love.
In answer to your question, though things can get complicated here on earth with multiple interlacing marriages, it all gets sorted out in the afterlife. No one who longs for a loving marriage will be left solitary. The Lord in his infinite love and mercy provides partners for everyone who wants that happiness and is willing to do the work of becoming a good and loving person themselves.
I don’t know exactly how this will work out for your prior husband and your fiance’s prior wife. However, I believe that the Lord has someone in mind for them—and as I say in the article, it will be the person they are closest to in spirit. This may or may not be someone they were married to on earth. Here is another article that may also be helpful:
Can you Fall in Love in Heaven if you Haven’t Found Someone on Earth?
Though it’s mostly about people who have not been married on earth, the same principle applies to people who were married on earth to someone who turns out not to be their eternal partner.
I hope this helps. Godspeed on your spiritual journey!
My late ex- bf crossed my mind just recently. He was my bf from High School to College. I left him without letting him know why. I was told he was depressed and was looking for me. Now I realized that he is the one I truly love even if he did not have any wealth. I feel like he is my soulmate. I am looking forward to meet him someday in the spiritual world or heaven. I missed him so much!
Hi Ariel,
Thanks for stopping by and telling your story. I wish you the best in reuniting with your “once and future” soulmate.
Meanwhile, Godspeed on your spiritual journey.
So what verses or books support this. Or have you derived a lot of this from things like Adam and Eve who were together before sin and stuff. I just want to make sure this is all Biblical.
Thanks,
Hi Joseph,
As I said to you on another thread, there are some things the Bible doesn’t tell us because the Bible is focused on its primary purpose of leading, guiding, and motivating us away from damnation and hell, and toward salvation and heaven. Everything essential for our salvation is stated clearly in the text of the Bible. But many other things, such as the nature of the afterlife, are present only in veiled and metaphorical references.
If the Bible were meant to be the only source of knowledge about human life, God would not have given us thinking minds and a wealth of other sources of information and knowledge so that we can study and learn about our outer and inner worlds.
More specifically, the Bible just doesn’t give us a lot of information about marriage relationships in the afterlife. It does not, as many Christians erroneously think, say that there is no marriage in heaven. (See: “Didn’t Jesus Say There’s No Marriage in Heaven?”) And given that God created marriage, and that what God does is not temporary, but eternal (Ecclesiastes 3:14), the Bible gives us every reason to believe that God-given spiritual marriage continues in heaven.
The main biblical support for the idea that people who are one in spirit will be married in the afterlife, rather than other former partners that were not such a close match, is that God looks to and works on the human heart and mind primarily, and only secondarily on our external circumstances. This can be confirmed by many passages in the Bible. And if God looks on the heart, and not on the external appearance as humans do (see 1 Samuel 16:7), then it makes sense that in marriage, also, God would look on the heart, and on the oneness of heart between two married partners, and not on the external appearance of legal marriage or social advantages of marriage.
Marriage relationships in the afterlife are fully covered in Matthew 22:30. It very plainly states that there will be no marriages in heaven.
Hi Robert,
Thanks for stopping by, and for your comment.
In response, although many Christian leaders over many centuries have repeated over and over again that Jesus said there will be no marriages in heaven, that is simply not what he said in Matthew 22:30. What he said in that verse is that people will not get married in the resurrection. That is not at all the same as saying that people will not be married in the resurrection. The Greek words in Matthew 22:30 refer to the act of getting married, not to the state of being married.
For more on this, please see:
Didn’t Jesus Say There’s No Marriage in Heaven?
lots of thoughts and opinions here, but I find little proof to substantiate the ideas
Hi Mike,
Thanks for stopping by, and for your comment. The afterlife isn’t really subject to proof as we usually think of it. But see:
Where is the Proof of the Afterlife?
By reading this it seems to me then that there will be pain and suffering in the spiritual world? For example, if we have to break up with a spouse in the spiritual world so that we can be with our true soulmate that will cause pain and hurt feelings. I thought after we left this earth as humans there would be no more pain and suffering.
Hi Amanda,
Thanks for stopping by, and for your comment and question.
When we move on to the spiritual world, we are still the same person, the same human being, with all of our thoughts and feelings. And especially during our initial period after death, when we’re still sorting out issues from our life here on earth, we may have to go through a certain amount of emotional hardship. Even for people who recognize that their long-term marriage is not a good one, it can be hard to separate from someone you’ve lived with for so long. There are good memories along with the bad ones. It is bittersweet. At that point the future may still not be clear, and you may not have even met the person you will ultimately spend eternity with in heaven. So yes, there can still be some pain and suffering as our human life continues, old patterns and relationships that don’t suit who we are are broken up, and we move on to a life and relationships that truly reflect our heart and our soul.
However, just like our time here on earth, that period of dislocation and change in our initial stages after death is temporary. It doesn’t last forever. By the time we reach heaven we will be with our soulmate, and our life and direction will be clear. Then, although we still can experience the full range of human emotions, and we will still go through our emotional ups and downs, there will be nothing like the low points of pain and suffering that we undergo here on earth.
On the stages and experiences we go through after death, please see:
What Happens To Us When We Die?
Meant to also say that this is my first time visiting this blog and I find some of the posts fascinating and enlightening!
Hi Amanda,
Thanks! Glad you’re enjoying the blog.
This is really so comforting to know everything about the afterlife
Hi Brenda,
Thanks for stopping by, and for your comment. Glad you’re finding the articles here helpful. Godspeed on your spiritual journey!
To a reader named Denise,
I have deleted your comment because your username is an email address, and we don’t allow personal contact information to be posted here. See our comments policy. Also, for new comments that aren’t responses to someone else’s comment, please use the entry box at the bottom of the page, under the “What do you think?” label.
If you wish to re-post your comment using a screen name that doesn’t give away your identity, I would be happy to respond. Meanwhile, Godspeed on your spiritual journey.
Yes. Marriage is a union of souls…..I was married for 29 years to a man I absolutely adored. But, I always felt a void…something was missing. I’d met someone in 1978 and we felt like we knew each other forever. Because of my young age we waited till 1988 to ‘date’. unfortunate housing situations caused a separation and we were forever lost, on this earth. For he passed in Sept…But, there has been contact..I’m 57 and sober. I’m not a fantasizer. I know what and who I am feeling. He is my soul mate. My earthly husband and I have a connection. But, it is not the same. Though there is love, it is not ‘soul mate’ love. There is a difference. And I can feel it. That void is now filled that I know when I go Home, he will be waiting for me. My earthly husband and I will be ‘friends’.
I forgot to add These ‘connections’ are multiple times a day. There are things that no one else could know that he ‘shows’ and ‘tells’ me. And it is very intimate.
Hi Michelle,
Thanks for stopping by and telling your story. I’m glad this article has been helpful to you. Also, in response to the spiritual conundrum you submitted, please see this article:
Is There Sex in Heaven?
This is insightful and very interesting. However we are told that we will not marry or be given in marriage in Heaven. We will not be burdened by the physical. We are one with our spouse on Earth, but the truth is we do not have enough details to fill in all the blanks. We were never meant to know everything about Heaven until we go.
Hi Stacey,
Thanks for stopping by, and for your comment. About marriage in heaven, please see:
Didn’t Jesus Say There’s No Marriage in Heaven?
Jesus did not say there is no marriage in heaven!
Beautifully written and hopefully true! We shall see… Thank you and may the Lord richly bless the both of you! 💗
Hi Anonymous,
Thanks for stopping by, and for your kind words. I’m glad you enjoyed the article!
Which scriptures (KJI or NIV) State that there’s this “wait period” of days/weeks/months/years that you reference as a stage of entering Heaven? (Disclaimer: I took exception with so many ‘concepts’ presented and your constant reference to a link of Death and Heaven etc) with few bible verses or scriptures backing this understanding of our journey to the afterlife (eg: “Heaven”, Judgement Day; and if we’ll even be granted entrance vs being banished to hell) – that after reading about 40% of both your article and the replies here, I had to bail (no offense meant, but I protect my heart and the whole ‘garbage in/garbage out’ filter, is one of several ways that I protect my spirit and personal relationship with my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ).
My point being, I’ve not researched your doctrine or background nor which religion you practice under (this ‘wait period’ you proclaim; sounds very ‘purgatory-like’ in nature, which to the best of my knowledge falls under the Catholic banner. But saw no other references indicating ties to Catholicism – so I very well be miles off there with that assumption. I’m just uncomfortable reading what I read and learned long ago to remove myself from what appear to be false teachings. I suppose my other point of contention is whilst I’m fairly new to •this• topic (marriage in Heaven/being a widower) I confess I’ve not ever researched this topic before simply out of necessity (or whatever the polar opposite of that is?) – In other words, I’ve had no reason to do a deep dive into this topic on marriage/spirit partners in Heaven before, because I’ve only had the one. It isn’t until now (22 years on) that I’m giving earthy marriage a 2nd thought and after doing a quick 5 second Google search, your article was near the top of the pile, and so I began my reading here without first checking “who you are” and what you base your claims on, for to the best of my knowledge, only 3-4 people have passed on and been brought back to life in the Bible and in those stories, none speak of (to use your terminology) the afterlife and any such weekly/monthly “waiting periods” (which very well be mentioned in the Scriptures elsewhere that I need to then read and research more myself) hence my original Question as to which passages and scriptures outline all these afterlife steps exactly the way you’ve claimed? If I’m wrong, please accept my apologies and ignorance in advance – it’s just confusing (actually shocking) to read such things after being a born again Christian for most of my entire life, I’ve never heard this version of heaven or the steps one goes through to gain entrance through it’s pearly gates explained this way and in such a precise manner – as whose to truly know except the God our Heavenly Father? I’m also surprised that you have zero challenges or injections here in your comments section? This tells me one of two things; either I’ve really missed the mark somewhere along the line in my personal walk with Christ regarding THIS topic; or possibly you edit out comments from those that may take exception with your views on this topic? I’m hoping it’s the former. In closing, please know my intent is not to stir any pots, upset anyone, nor to say “I’m right, and you’re wrong”. I’m simply on a quest for more knowledge and The Truth as I strive daily to be more Christlike in all that I do. Period. That sometimes means asking hard questions or laying down difficult challenges that aren’t always well received – as my Q’s or comments obviously will challenge the status quo here.
I appreciate your time and consideration and I pray my questions are received in the spirit for which they were intended. I’m not here to cast judgement (we’re all free to accept or reject what we wish) which is another way to say, we all have Free Will. But I base my choices and beliefs solely on the Scripture (God’s Word) and prayer along with my pastor, and small group and a select group of Christian men who offer me advice and biblical
counsel which is why I surround myself with them to help hold me accountable in all that I do. I also never claimed to have all the answers… quite the contrary, I only seek the truth and find the answers to them.
Be blessed.
DSJ
Hi Declan,
Thanks for stopping by, and for your comment and question. I do delete questions from fundamentalist Christians whose only purpose is to attack and condemn the biblical and Christian teachings presented here. Most such comments are by hit-and-run drivers anyway. But I accept and respond to questions and comments from people whose beliefs differ from ours, but who seem to genuinely want understanding and answers. I am hoping that you are in the latter category. My apologies if you came back and saw that your comment had disappeared. The over-zealous spam-checker ash-canned it. I had to dig it out from there and resurrect it manually.
Before getting into the controversial stuff, I want to recognize that you are looking for answers to real questions, as you are giving earthly marriage a second thought after twenty-two years of being a widower (if I understand your words correctly). And I presume that since you are asking Google, you are not getting the answers you seek from your current pastor and select group of Christian men who offer you advice and biblical counsel. Otherwise you would not, under God’s providence, have landed on my web page and this article.
My motive for answering, then, is so that you might be able to receive and accept real answers to your underlying questions about being married more than once, and also about marriage in the afterlife. On that question, please see this article, which does examine some of the biblical statements on the subject much more carefully than the above article attempts to do:
Didn’t Jesus Say There’s No Marriage in Heaven?
However, before we can even get to the question of the biblical basis of the above article, I must address your statement that you are a “born again” Christian. I presume this means that you are part of a Protestant evangelical style of church or faith community. And I am aware that such evangelical or fundamentalist sects view themselves as especially biblically-based in their theology.
However, that is simply not the case. In fact, none of the key doctrines by which such sects distinguish themselves from other Christians and from the wider non-Christian world are actually taught in the Bible, in the Bible’s own words.
For just a few examples:
For more on these points, and others, please see this article, and the articles linked from it:
“Christian Beliefs” that the Bible Doesn’t Teach
I very much suspect that most of the “Christian” beliefs that you have been taught, and that you now hold to, are not biblical or Christian at all, but rather come from human theologians such as Athanasius, Anselm, Aquinas, Luther, and Calvin, who replaced biblical teachings with their own human-invented doctrines.
If you truly are sincere in your quest for more knowledge and The Truth, then I would ask you to clear your mind of those false, unbiblical, and non-Christian teachings, and seek the truth as it is stated in the Bible, in the Bible’s own words.
The above-linked article, and the articles linked from it, can start you on this quest for the genuine truth of the Bible if you are willing to follow that path fearlessly and without regard for the approval of human beings and human institutions that loudly proclaim themselves to be “Christian” while ignoring and rejecting the teachings of Jesus Christ himself in the Gospels, and completely misreading and misinterpreting the teachings of Paul and the other Apostles.
If you are willing to do that, then we can continue this conversation. But if you intend to continue to hold to the human-invented doctrines you have been taught, which now pass as “Christianity,” then there will be no sense continuing the conversation. You would not listen to anything I say anyway.
I prefer to believe that God brought you here for a reason, and that this will be the start of a journey for you in which you come to know the truth, and the truth will set you free. You will not find good and helpful answers to your questions about marriage from your current church and pastor. Otherwise, you would not be here, under God’s providence.
Hi Lee, I hope everything’s going well! I wanted to ask you about a cultural issue facing people today, and even some Christians: polyamory. In this instance, I feel the need to specify that I’m not referring to the illegal and generally coercive and unequal practice of one person having multiple spouses (almost always one man having multiple subservient wives), but the consensual and egalitarian practice of multiple people mutually agreeing to be in a romantic (and often sexual) relationship with each other. Putting aside the obvious sins of cheating and adultery that can occur, there are some polyamorous relationships that put fidelity and equality as a foundation and do everything they can to avoid jealousy or strife. Now, I will admit I was once of the mindset that polyamory was just the hip new way of being an unfaithful swinger (and there can indeed be overlap), but I was surprised to read that some people are truly emotionally invested in their relationships, even with multiple partners, and approach it from the same love that drives monoamorous people. Some psychologists believe that polyamory could function similarly to sexual orientation, but that’s another component of the argument for another day.
To summarize: what is the Christian and Swedenborgian view of people in a mutually loving, consensual, emotionally stable, and faithful polyamorous relationship? What delineates an “open relationship” or “consensual nonmonogamy” from adultery, if at all? What is the fate of such relationships in the afterlife, assuming everyone involved is acting from a place of mutual love for one another and according to their consciences?
God bless,
Chad
Hi Chad,
I question whether any polyamorous relationships really are emotionally stable and faithful.
As an example, group marriages of this type were an original part of The Farm, a hippie commune in Summertown, Tenessee, which was very spiritual in focus. However, as the Social and family issues section of its Wikipedia page says:
Stephen Gaskin himself, the leader of the commune, was originally in a “four marriage,” but ended out in a monogamous marriage with Ina May Gaskin.
The experience at The Farm suggests to me that plural marriages attempted by people who are spiritual in focus do not last.
The reason for this, from a Swedenborgian Christian perspective, is that plural marriages are inherently natural-minded and worldly in character; only monogamous marriages can be spiritual. Religions in which plural marriage is practiced are worldly and unspiritual religions. This includes ancient Judaism, the segment of Islam that is polygamous, and the remnants of Mormonism that are polygamous. All of these religions are largely external and behavioral in focus.
I suspect that if you followed any of the polyamorous relationships existing outside of any particular religion, you would find that they do not last over time. Polygamous marriages within religions and cultures that accept them may last due to their being a part of the accepted social structure, but they will not be spiritual marriages.
Thank you for discussing it, Lee. I will admit that polyamory is an unusual concept to me (I don’t necessarily understand why one would need so many of their relationships to be romantic or sexual, as opposed to having one lover and the others as close friends) though I do want to understand where they’re coming from, seeing as I’ve encountered it a couple of times on dating apps. To that end, I appreciate your insights and discussion on these topics!
Hi Chad,
You’re welcome.
Underneath all the fancy rhetoric, in my view, polyamory is just a natural-minded and physically driven desire to have sex with multiple people. There is nothing spiritual about it. The earthly mind before spiritual rebirth desires multiple partners. The spiritual mind in people who have developed it wants only one.
The depth of inner connection of mind and heart that occurs in real, spiritual marriage can exist only with one partner. Divide the connection among more than one, and I don’t care how much its enthusiasts claim how “open” and “spiritual” and “enlightened” it is, it’s just a promiscuous, biologically driven desire to sleep around. That’s why polyamorous relationships are not stable long-term.
As for what happens to such relationships after death, they are no more stable in the spiritual world than they are here. People who do have a good heart underneath it all will settle into monogamous marriages, just as happened over time on The Farm. People who persist in a desire for multiple partners because they are natural- minded and driven by their physical desires cannot be in heaven. They will make their bed in hell.
People who come from polygamous cultures but are good-hearted may still be in polygamous marriages, but they will live in the lowest, unspiritual heavens because polygamy is inherently natural-minded. They can rise up to a higher heaven only if they give up polygamy and live with one partner in marriage.
According to this site:
https://swedenborg.com/recap-do-we-reincarnate/
… spirits go through cycles.
But still, such cycles do not break up a heavenly marriage, and extramarital affairs are always impossible for angels, right?
Hi K,
No, the cycles we go through when we are living in heaven do not break up heavenly marriages. In heaven, marriage is eternal. That’s because it is based on two people having a common ruling love, which determines exactly who a person is, and which never changes after death. Because our ruling love never changes in the afterlife, and because we are one with another person based on having a common ruling love, nothing can ever break up a heavenly marriage.
However, just as here on earth, marriages in heaven, especially in the lower heavens, do go through their cycles. These marital cycles follow the ups and down of the two partners in their own spiritual lives. If one or both of them gets caught up in some remaining bit of ego and temporarily falls out of heaven as a result, the marriage will also become more distant during that time. But once the person works through and overcomes that bit of ego, the couple will feel close again—and in fact, even closer than they were before, because another obstacle to love and closeness has been pushed aside.
And yes, extramarital affairs are impossible for angels. That’s not because some external law or force prevents them from engaging in affairs. Rather, it’s because the whole idea of being intimate with anyone besides their own husband or wife fills them with horror and disgust. At the very thought of doing such a thing, a sense of coldness fills them from head to foot. They are bound in spirit with their own wife or husband. Violating that would feel like violating their own self and their own soul.
I should add that although all angels go through cycles, it is only the angels of the lower (spiritual and natural) heavens that go through the cycles of falling down into the world of spirits that the video you linked describes. The highest (heavenly) angels do not fight those battles anymore. They have been reborn to the level of having love for God first in their heart, and are therefore no longer tempted by their own ego and lower desires. As soon as such things present themselves, they reject them and cleanse them out of themselves—through the Lord’s power working in them, of course. Because of this, they never fall out of their heavens into the world of spirits, though they do still go through milder cycles of up and down.
Hi Lee.. I lost my partner few months back and I strongly feel that we are twin flame / soul mates. So will he wait for me on the other side and can we continue our love life and get married to him in afterlife. What if his wait his too long for me.. what if before I reach there he will prepare his journey to the second and third stage. Do twin flame/soul mates stay together till eternity.
Hi Babiee,
I’m so sorry to hear about your partner’s death. That is one of the most difficult and painful things anyone can face in life. In answer to your question, if the two of you truly are twin flame / soul mates, then he will wait for you on the other side. It doesn’t matter whether he goes through the second and third stage, he will still be waiting for you, and will greet you when it comes your time to pass from this world to the next. Then the two of you will indeed stay together to eternity.
Meanwhile, our thoughts and prayers are with you.
Lee
Is it possible for a spirit who have crossed on to feel insecure and emotionally vulnerable for leaving his/her beloved partner here on earth. Do they feel jealous and possessive for the one here on earth if they chose to move on in their life. As you have mentioned earlier in your comments to a post that a partner who died will continue his/her journey in the same direction he/she has set here on earth. There would be no major changes.So what about the possibilities that a partner who have crossed on may feel insecure or possessive seeing his/her love marrying someone else and moving on as nobody like to share their love with another man/woman.
Hi Babie,
Thanks for stopping by, and for your comment and question.
This is a hard one to answer with any certainty, because it all depends on the people and their character. After we die, we are the same person we were before. We have all of the same thoughts, feelings, ideas, attitudes, and so on. The only thing we leave behind is our physical body. But we will hardly notice that because we then live in our spiritual body, which looks and feel exactly the same as our physical body did on earth. (Except that handicaps, diseases, old age, and so on will fade away.)
If a person were the jealous and insecure type before death, that person will continue to be a jealous and insecure type after death. If a person were not jealous and insecure, that person will continue not to be jealous and insecure in the spiritual world. We don’t became a whole different person when we die.
About one or the other remarrying after one of them dies, how the other one feels about it will all depend on the quality of the marriage, and on the person’s character. If it was not a good marriage, then one or both may very well remarry. Though that may feel bad to the other one, it wouldn’t be any different than people breaking up and going on to other partners here on earth.
If the marriage was a close and deep one, it is still possible that the one who remains on earth might remarry, because it is hard to be alone. The other may or may not be accepting of this. One person I know who was very close to his wife did remarry a few years after she died in a car accident. It was hard for him to come to that point, but he came to believe that his late wife would not want him to be lonely and miserable here on earth.
These are complicated situations. Once again, it all depends on the quality of the marriage and the character of the two partners.
I hope this helps.
So, did God foreordain a wife for me from the beginning to be for me in heaven, as if I’m already married to her spiritually?
Hi WorldQuestioner,
“Foreordained” is a human, time-bound way of looking at things. The Bible speaks to us in this way because otherwise most people would not understand and accept it.
But the reality is that God exists beyond time and space, and sees all time and space at once from an infinite and eternal perspective. If we think of God “foreordaining” things from a physical, time-bound perspective, we will end out becoming very confused. But if we think of God providing things for us from the eternal and infinite state in which God dwells, then we can answer your question with a “yes.”
It’s important to understand, though, that it’s not as if you’re already married to her. In order for God to provide you with a wife, you must grow into a man who can be a good husband for her. If you do not do your work of spiritual rebirth here on earth as Jesus commanded us to do, then God will not be able to give you the gifts God has in mind for you.
The correct wife is not necessarily one that I would marry on Earth.
Just because a man married a woman on this Earth doesn’t mean that that will be his wife in heaven. Because that woman is not perfect for him. Instead… The man will be married to a different woman in heaven that’s better for him.
You’ve heard the phrase “til death do us part.” Is that in the Bible?
That means existing marriages on Earth will be terminated in heaven and replaced with the rightful marriages.
Will we “know our spouses” in heaven like Cain did on Earth? Did Cain marry or be given in marriage?
Did Adam “marry” (Gameo)? Was Eve “given in marriage”?
Would people have married and been given in marriage had the fall of sin not occurred, or would they have “known their spouses” instead?
Does God assign a wife to each man, and a husband to each woman in heaven, like assigning roommates in college, considering Hall’s marriage theorem? Orchestrating marriages?
No one’s born in heaven… Why can’t children be born righteous? Like A glorified woman pregnant with a glorious baby? Why not?
If being born righteous is not free will, then being born a sinner is not free will. If being born a sinner is still free will, then being born righteous would be free will. Right?
If a woman is pregnant when raptured, will she still be pregnant in heaven?
Hi WorldQuestioner,
I agree that the person one is married to on earth is not necessarily the person one will be married to in heaven. Legal marriage is an earthly institution. It does not extend to heaven. This, in modern terms, is what Jesus was talking about in his words about marriage in the resurrection. See:
Didn’t Jesus Say There’s No Marriage in Heaven?
This does not mean that all earthly marriages will break up in heaven, and all people will find other partners. Rather, it means that if a marriage is a mere legal marriage, and not a real marriage, it will break up in heaven, and each spouse will find a different partner. See:
Real Marriage vs. Legal Marriage
If a couple is spiritually married here on earth, meaning that they are one in mind and spirit, then they will remain married in the afterlife.
“‘Till death do us part” is not in the Bible. The Bible never says that death will part married couples. That line in traditional marriage ceremonies was a human invention. My church does not use it.
If you are asking whether we will have sex with our spouse in heaven, the answer is yes. See:
Is There Sex in Heaven?
It is true that the Bible doesn’t mention Adam and Eve having sex until after the Fall. But God’s first directive to the humans God has just created, in Genesis 1:28, is “Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth . . . .” The way God designed us, “being fruitful and multiplying” happens by having sex. It is clear, then, that God intended us to have sex from the very beginning, when all things were pronounced “very good,” before the Fall took place.
As for “knowing,” that is simply a biblical euphemism for having sex. But I think it also has deeper meaning. The one we know fully in mind and heart is the one whom we (properly) have sex with. The physical union of sex is meant to express the spiritual union of fully knowing each other’s mind and heart, and sharing that with one another.
God does not arbitrarily assign men and women to each other like assigning college roommates. Rather, God, who sees all things from a state beyond time and space, prepares men and women to be each other’s mates by guiding them on their respective paths of life until those paths converge and merge.
People are not born righteous both as a consequence of the Fall, by which evil and sin entered into our world, and also as a consequence of the physical world both expressing and resisting the spiritual world. Our natural resistance to God and spirit is part of our clothing as beings with physical bodies. Animals in nature are self-centered, though sometimes the self extends to the pack or flock to which the animal belongs. (Nature does not consist entirely of radical individualists.) Likewise we humans have a self-centeredness built into us by virtue of being clothed in physical bodies. But we can overcome that natural selfishness and evil through repentance and rebirth, as Jesus taught us.
We are not radically free. We do not choose the circumstances of our birth, our genetics, our childhood environment, and so on. Neither do we have a choice on every possible matter. A person who is five feet tall cannot choose to be ten feet tall. The main choice we have is the choice between good and evil, heaven and hell. We can choose many other things as well. But since we are finite, limited beings, there are also limits to what we can choose.
One consequence of our not choosing the circumstances of our birth, and of not choosing to be born naturally selfish, is that we are not held spiritually responsible for that inborn self-absorption, nor are we condemned due to the circumstances of our birth. This is why all babies and children up to the time of adult self-responsibility will go to heaven, not to hell, if they die. It is only when, as self-responsible adults, we freely and persistently choose to do evil when we could have chosen to do good that we make ourselves guilty of sin such that we will go to hell rather than to heaven when we die.
All people are born for heaven. People go to hell only if they insist upon it, against God’s wishes.
I don’t believe in a literal rapture. But it would be the same question to ask, “If a woman dies while pregnant, will she still be pregnant in heaven?” I honestly don’t know the answer to this question. I lean toward thinking that she will not be pregnant, and that if the baby survives, it must survive separately, as if it had already been born. But I could be wrong. I hope to get an answer to this question when my time here on earth is finished and I move on to the spiritual world.
What about Romans 7:1-3? Doesn’t that means that death ends earthly marriage?
Hi WorldQuestioner,
On that question, please see:
Real Marriage vs. Legal Marriage
Does the Bible not mention a second coming? That Jesus will come down to Earth and people will be taken up?
Hi WorldQuestioner,
Yes, the Bible says that Jesus will return. However, the descriptions of what will happen then are really about spiritual events, not physical events. It is true that some of them sound very physical and of-this-world. That’s because the Bible has to speak to physical-minded people, who can’t believe in an afterlife if they don’t think that it will be physical. Many so-called Christians are very materialistic and physical-minded in their thinking.
Once you realize that the Bible is a Divine book that speaks mostly of spiritual things, then everything that is said about the Lord’s second coming can be understood spiritually as well. Please see:
Is the World Coming to an End? What about the Second Coming?
I have been married twice and divorced twice. I have no desire to be reunited with either of these men in Heaven or anywhere else as a mate. I had one other relationship where we were not married, but lived as man and wife and that ended as well. Then, I had a relationship where we didn’t reside together, but considered ourselves married though we were not legally married. This mate died while we were together and it took me 5 years to move on to another. This new man and I hit it off as if we were meant to be within days of meeting one another. We were falling in love, I had already fallen deeply in love with him and were doing so well, but a month into the relationship he had a massive heart attack and passed away. This happened last week. I simply am devastated. I had made mention to him more than once that it appeared God had put us together for a reason. He had been alone for 3 years, and I had been alone for 5 years. He had been lonely to the point of despair…I had just become lonely enough to try again. We were so very happy. All I want to do now is die so I can go be with him. Will I get to be with him when I die? What if I am so very in love with him, but he had someone else to be with in Heaven? Will this pain of not having him continue there? I don’t think I can take it much longer here, let alone on into the next life. I miss him so much. It was like some cruel joke God played by giving him to me then promptly taking him away. I am a woman whose main joy in life is being with a mate. I do believe my last relationship mate was my soulmate, but that could also be wishful thinking since I adore him so. What is in store for me?
Hi Donna,
Thank you for stopping by and telling your story. I am so sorry to hear about the sudden death of your special man, so soon after you got together with him. That must be very painful. The only thing I can think of is that perhaps God saw that he was going to die, and brought the two of you together before it happened so that both of you would know that there is someone else for you—that you are not alone in the universe.
As for your future, only God knows for sure. I can say with great assurance that in the spiritual world you will not be with any of the previous men that you feel no connection to. I can also say that if there was a mutual connection between you and the one who recently died, he will still be with you in spirit even though he is no longer living in the material world. If he feels a connection to you, he will not be looking for anyone else.
Worst-case scenario is that, as you fear, it is wishful thinking, and ultimately the two of you aren’t right for each other. But even if that is the case, God still has someone in mind for you—and it will be the one you are truly one with in heart and spirit. God is a God of love, who does not leave us lonely and bereft forever. Weeping may last for the night, but joy comes in the morning.
For more on soulmates rejoining one another in the afterlife, please see:
Will Happily Married Couples be Together in Heaven?
I realize you were not married. But in the spiritual world, earthly legal marriage does not matter. Only an inner connection of heart and mind matters.
Meanwhile, our thoughts and prayers are with you.
What about soul ties? is that Biblical?
Hi WorldQuestioner,
If you mean the idea that when two people have sex, it binds their souls together in a permanent way, no, that is not biblical. The Bible does talk about a man and a woman becoming one flesh. Some Christians have expanded this to mean that any couple that has sex is united in soul. They quote verses such as 1 Corinthians 6:16: “Do you not know that whoever is united to a prostitute becomes one body with her? For it is said, ‘The two shall be one flesh.'” But it says that they are one body, not one soul.
Physical sex by itself does not bind people together spiritually. That should be obvious enough from the common phenomenon of people having sex, then going their separate ways, and having nothing in common with each other spiritually. Having sex can and often does create emotional and hormonal linkages, sometimes complicated ones that take some effort to break. But that’s not the same as a soul connection.
A soul connection happens only between two people who are one in mind and spirit. This is what it means to be spiritually married. When two people who are spiritually married have sex, it completes their union on all levels.
Hi,
My husband passed away a month ago and I’m devastated. I’ve been doing a bunch of reading since then trying to find some sort of comfort that he will be waiting for me when my time comes to leave this earth. I’m seeing so many different opinions on this subject. We were very happily married for 24 years. We actually spent the first 2 years of our relationship using AOL and just talking on the phone. We both fell in love with each other before actually meeting in person. Because of this we truly knew each other before having any type of physical relationship. My husband had quite a few health issues that I was aware of before ever meeting him. One thing that bothered him a lot was he was a paraplegic. He was so worried that I wouldn’t be able to handle that aspect. In all honesty I fell in love with him not his disability. I never once regretted marrying him or our life together. I love him more than anything and always will. Now he’s gone and I truly don’t know how I’m ever going to survive this. I miss him so much. The only thing I’m looking forward too is when my time comes to leave this earth, I want him to be waiting for me. I want us to resume our marriage just like it was here on earth. When you hear people talking about “ true” love this is the way we felt about each other. So I guess my question is, do you think he will wait for me? I’m only 58 years old. He was just 59 when he passed. I know you can’t give me a for sure answer, but I’m hoping you can atleast give me your honest opinion. Thank you
Hi Shelly,
I’m so sorry to hear about the death of your husband. That is very hard and very painful—as you already know.
No, I can’t give you a for-sure answer. But if the two of you spent two years getting to know each other from the inside out online and on the phone, and then twenty-four years of true love in married life that looked beyond physical disabilities to the person within, I believe that is something God put together, which cannot be torn asunder even by death. These things don’t happen by accident.
Here is another article that covers this a little more fully:
Will Happily Married Couples be Together in Heaven?
If “Christians” have told you that Jesus said there’s no marriage in heaven, please read the article linked at the very top of this linked one. Jesus said no such thing.
About your husband’s paraplegia, since that is a physical disability, and he has now left his physical body behind, he will no longer be a paraplegic in the spiritual world. There, he will have a fully healthy and functional spiritual body that is just as touchable and huggable as his body was here on earth. See:
Will Sick or Disabled People Return to Good Health in the Spiritual World?
In short, not only will you be able to see your husband again and resume your married life together, but he will be a hale and hearty man who can run, jump, climb trees, and do anything else he wants to do—not to mention anything the two of you want to do together.
Meanwhile, you are in our thoughts and prayers.
Thank you for your thoughtful words. I’ve heard all sorts of things from different religious people etc. I was upset to hear that we supposedly aren’t married anymore and that I’m supposed to refer to myself now as a widow. I’m not going to call myself a widow. I’m still married and that’s the way it will be until my last breath. As far as knowing my husband has a new body and isn’t paralyzed anymore, that makes me feel great. I’m having a little bit of a problem wondering if he will be so overjoyed with his new body, that he will try to find a new mate? I know I probably sound crazy and rightfully so. This is all new to me and I didn’t ever dream I would lose him at such a young age. We really did have a wonderful marriage. I had been married once before and had 3 daughters when he came into my life. He loved those kids as if they were his very own. Their biological father was out of their lives. I’m just holding onto the hope that when I’m done on this earth that he’s there holding out his hand for me and then we will be together forever from that moment on. Do you have any concept as to how we will live compared to how it is on earth? Meaning do we live in houses, eat? Sleep, work? Or is it something totally different?
Hi Shelly,
If the two of you had a good, close, and loving long-term marriage, it’s unlikely that he would look for someone else in the spiritual world, regardless of now having a fully able body. In the spiritual world, there is no legal marriage and no biological sex drive of the sort that we have here on earth. Rather, both marriage and intimacy are based on inner oneness of mind and heart between two people. If he has that with you, he won’t be able to feel anything for any other woman, because there will not be the oneness and connection that he had with you.
Worst-case scenario is that the two of you aren’t actually right for each other. In that case, you will each find a spouse that you’re even closer to. But given what you’ve said about your marriage, that seems highly unlikely. I do believe that when it comes your time to pass over to the spiritual world, your husband will be there holding out his hand for you. Meanwhile, he is still with you in spirit, even if he is no longer with you physically.
And yes, life in the spiritual world is very similar to life here on earth, only better. When you first enter the spiritual world, you may not even believe you have died, because it will be so similar. Except, of course, that your husband will be there waiting for you! Things may change a bit over time, but only to make your surroundings even more a reflection of who you are as people.
To answer your specific questions, yes, angels in heaven live in houses, eat, sleep, work, and do everything else we do here on earth. However, the work won’t be forced or laborious. In heaven, there is no need to work for money, food, clothes, housing, and so on. Rather, angels (who were all once human beings living on earth) work because they love to serve other people and do good and helpful things for them. They look forward to their work each day. That’s where they get their greatest fulfillment in life. Some people are fortunate enough to have the same experience with work right here on earth.
Here are some posts that explain these things in more detail:
What Happens To Us When We Die?
Who Are the Angels and How Do They Live?
The Afterlife: It’s Not as Different as you Think!
Is Heaven Physical? Can Angels Play Tennis?
I hope these articles will be helpful to you. If, after reading them, you still have questions, please don’t hesitate to ask.
Hi again,
Thank you for replying. I’m feeling better reading you comments.
I have another question for you. What do you think about contacting the spirit world via a medium? I used to believe it was nonsense and just a form of entertainment but since my husband passed away I’ve been doing a lot of reading. It seems like there’s more to this than I previously thought. If I can somehow connect to my husband I feel like maybe I should try and see what happens. I miss him so much and don’t think I will ever heal from this. If I can somehow communicate with him this might be what will help me to slowly heal. I’m curious to hear what you think.
Thanks again
Shelly
Hi Shelly,
I’m glad these comments are helping.
About spirit mediums, though I’m not entirely opposed to them, I also don’t particularly recommend it. And if you do decide to consult a medium, I would suggest doing so only long enough to reassure yourself that your husband is alive and well on the other side. Beyond that, it can become problematic.
For one thing, it can draw you away from focusing on your life here on earth. Since you’re still here, that means you still have work to do. Focusing too much on the spiritual world can distract you from doing that work. Ironically, that could harm your preparation for eternal life in the spiritual world.
Our main job here on earth is to do the work of forming ourselves into angels. That’s the work that will make it possible for you to have a good, deep, and loving relationship with your husband to eternity.
For more about contacting spirits, please see:
What about Spiritualism? Is it a Good Idea to Contact Spirits?